21 Things I'll Never Admit

1. Drugs. 2. Condomless buggery with a drug-dealing DJ. Stealing a fistful of weed when leaving the next morning without waking him up.

3. Cheating on my first boyfriend.

4. Cheating on my second boyfriend with my first boyfriend.

5. Fooling around in a taxicab with my third boyfriend and his best friend, who was dating my best friend, who was really mad when she walked in on us in our hotel room later.

6. Having an affair with some guy in the cast of my play while dating my third boyfriend.

7. Picking up a guy at a performance, inviting him to a party at my hotel and simultaneously fooling around with him and a different guy from the cast who came out of the closet the next week.

8. Bonking the guy from the performance (with a condom).

9. Running into the guy I was having the affair with while walking the picked-up guy to the subway the morning after.

10. Watching the Miss America pageant.

11. Watching my college neighbor get fisted during the Miss America pageant.

12. Going down on a photojournalist in an alley.

13. Letting the photojournalist take naked pictures of me in his garage, and failing to retrieve the negatives.

14. Going down on a Catholic schoolteacher who used to strip at an Ivy League college.

15. Going down on a 55-year-old man in a taxicab.

16. Masturbating in a taxicab.

17. Masturbating in a taxicab while talking about the Yankees with the driver.

18. Having an affair with my college professor.

19. Having an affair with my college professor's best friend.

20. Fooling around with my college professor while dating his best friend.

21. Telling vegetarians that the carrot soup wasn't made with chicken stock.