I am 39 and I have been married since I was 22. My husband cheated 18 years ago, and three years ago. He set up a meeting via Internet with a woman. That woman was me! (he didn't know it). He seeks "relief" with porno and live Internet chats. A while ago, I came home to find him with his pants down on line, live. This has all devastated me. Our sex life is horrible. Perhaps seven times last year. He blames me for his behavior and our lack of sex. He is partially right. I am a typical woman with emotional needs, and when emotional intimacy is lacking, I cannot have sex. If so, I feel used.
This porno has been an issue almost from the start of marriage. I do watch it with him and enjoy it. The live chat thing has been addressed, and I've many times expressed my insecurities and he "stops"-only for it to show its ugly face again later. He has recently told me that he masturbates after we have sex, thinking of the sex we just shared. I feel like a failure; I feel like I will never be enough for him.
I still love him and other than these sex issues, he is an honorable man and truly a devoted father, keen businessman and great friend. I don't want to leave, but I feel that it is the only thing to do. I deserve better, and so does he. I just don't know how to leave, it never seems like a good time to break up our family. I am graduating college next month and my husband just started his own business-these things were our life's goals. Funny, we're accomplishing them and I feel like it's over. I feel like my best friend died. When I tell him he hurts my feelings when he does the live-on-line chats, he says he knows it will hurt me but that he needs the "release"-this tells me that one day that release could be a woman. That is something I do not want to be around for.
You say he is an "honorable man" and "devoted father & friend" and you still love him, so why even think of leaving him? Bruce Springsteen sings "every body's got a hungry heart" and he ain't lyin'. Even if you broke up your family and found another man, the next man will probably watch porn secretly as well. Even if you watch it with them, they sometimes want to watch it alone, secretly. As we all know, forbidden things taste the best! Stop taking his naughty side so seriously.
The more you freak out about it, the more he will do it. If he is treating you good, that is all that matters! You can never control what another person does and why would you want to? If he is blatantly cheating and throwing it in your face, then you should consider leaving him, but it seems you are hunting for clues and spying on him (setting up traps for him on-line-tsk tsk!), which means you have way too much free time on your hands and are looking for evidence that he doesn't love you. You have been together so long, it's only natural to have sexual fantasies about others and porn makes it easier. If I were you, I would concentrate on your career and kids. When he wants to show you love, welcome it with open arms. When he wants alone time with his cock, find something else to do. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you or love you, it doesn't mean he will soon cheat on you, it means he wants to have a wank, plain and simple!
Because of my heart being walked on by a self-centered piece of human shit in woman form almost a year ago, I feel I am unable to fall in love with anyone. I see women, I want them, I take them, they give themselves to me, and it makes me a great big man slut. I get laid so much it's beyond comprehension, and it's fun. Nice and empty fun. But for whatever reason I feel as though women are motivated by money, that basically without money I would never be getting laid at all-and that sort of makes me the forever-John and the women I meet, all of them, forever-whores. I want to believe in love again.
I am wondering how these "money-motivated whores" even know your financial status? You must flash and flaunt it, otherwise they wouldn't know you have it. You have a Catch-22 vicious circle on your hands/heart/genitals. You get laid because of your money, then loathe the women because they want you for your money (rock stars have the same dilemma: They get laid thanks to their status, but sometimes feel empty because they are aware of that, then numb their pain with either drugs, alcohol or yet more easy meat).
Just as men rubberneck at young, perky breasts, a tiny waist and child-bearing sexy hips, women look for security, which is measured by money. Most of the time they subconsciously gravitate towards successful men as they want that safe nest to bare children, so it's usually not an evil motivation; it's human nature. Just like in the wild, the female mates with the strongest male, you can't bash them for this and you certainly can't change it. What you can change is yourself and how you court the opposite sex.
Try meeting women who aren't in the VIP bars, clubs and restaurants. Try using your charm and humor to attract women, perhaps in the park, dance classes, gyms, etc. Sometimes going for the hottest, most gorgeous chick is the problem. You may want to lower your standards a bit, try a cute but chubby woman? you get my drift. Tall, slender, hot women know they are fiercely sought after, so they go for the richest or strongest ones. Chubby plain Jane types try much harder and will appreciate you more.
Never pull out your trump card by telling them your financial status or even flashing that Rolex. True love does exist, but it doesn't happen overnight. You have to love yourself-and I mean really love being you, before another person can. The survival of the fittest routine is even more extreme in big cities, so you have to use your wits when hunting down the heart of gold you yearn for. I feel for you and hope you find your true love.