BAN THE BEAST

Staring into the shadows beneath Pier 16 and 17 at the South Street Seaport can result in sudden nausea, like staring into a port-a-john tank. Psychologists call this "imaginative mimicry." A tennis ball, a bloated rat, a urine-filled Gatorade bottle, and out of nowhere you imagine the whole harbor in your mouth. Water laps against the retaining wall in heavy waves, and you think of drinking it. 

You don't, of course, but thousands of people do the next-worst thing when they ride "The Beast," a speedboat in the Circle Line fleet. Leaving from Pier 16, The Beast offers "wet 'n' wild" thrills at speeds up to 45 mph, and guaranteed to siphon the Hudson through every orifice. For eight summers, this abominable vessel has dominated the (non-dining) harbor tour market, guided by the doctrine that the best way to experience New York is to climb upon a fiberglass missile and submit to whiplash by a retired fire-fighter-turned-tour-boat-guide named Mad Dog. 

Fortunately, beginning Feb. 18, New York City Audubon, in partnership with New York Water Taxi, will offer Winter Eco-cruises, which in late spring become Sunset Eco-cruises. For all the coming months, naturalists, conservationists, aesthetes and just the mildly curious can bask in a glorious alternative to The Beast. 

Birdwatchers, for whom the February Eco-cruise was created (not surprising, given the sponsoring Audobon Society), are invited by one of their own in guide Gabriel Willow, but the average day-tripper will enjoy it just as much. Willow's ship departs from just an anchors-toss away at Pier 17, but his cruise is the diametric opposite to Mad Dog's: quiet, respectful, serene. One doesn't need to be a "Birder" to appreciate a slow drift along the coast of post-industrial, pre-Ikea Red Hook and the Gowanus Canal, nor a naturalist to appreciate the surprisingly active population of urban wildlife on display there. Mallards, merlins, falcons, even a seal or two are all visible from the deck and diligently pointed out by Willow, a trained ecologist and consummate teacher.

Certainly some riders will begin to believe that they're seeing the same garden-variety duck a hundred times over. Even still, don't discount this chance to understand New York as a natural wonder, an "Archipelago City," and home to more inadvertent beauty than an oil spill. Besides, the proceeds help support the Audubon Society and its philosophical equivalents. 

Who knows? Someday the harbor may even cease to be a nightmare maker. Visit www.NYCaudubon.org and www.Circleline42. com for tickets and more information.