Blow-Off Jobs

Q: I'm getting dang mad at men whom I go out with and then just blow me off. No phone call, not even an email. And I'm talking about guys who totally act like they are into me. They kiss me and say they want to go and do other stuff with me. I don't get it.

Anyways, I am tired of being blown off. I wish the guys had more balls to just say, Hey I think you're nice, but you're not really my type.

So my question is, is it appropriate to send an email after this has happened asking them what's up? Like, Hey, I liked meeting you, but from the lack of response from you, I get it you're not interested? Or even step it up a notch from there?

Please let me know what the proper etiquette in this scenario is.

-Miki

A: I think that the problem lies in the fact that a lot of men will pretty much fuck anyone who'll let them. This type (and I'm not saying all men, just a whole bunch of them) will chat you up, give kissy face, touch your boobies and do their very charming best to sweet-talk themselves into your underpants. Then, when Operation Fuck Miki proves futile, they simply move on to a more promising prospect.

Being blown off is irritating, but it's a fact of dater life and hardly worth pursuing. By calling the rejecter and inquiring as to why he didn't call (i.e., what's wrong with you that caused a spectacular piece of man-meat such as himself to say nay), you are allowing-no, encouraging-him to make you feel like crap. Do you really need to hear that though he thought you were sweet, he only dates girls with C-cups or better and that perhaps if you were to consider breast augmentation, he might be willing to think about maybe purchasing you an alcoholic beverage at a later date (once your scars were all healed, of course)? Or that he couldn't imagine dating you because he could tell by the way you were looking at him that you were already falling in love with him and he didn't want to break your heart. (Someone actually said that to me!) Believe me, serial daters are an annoying lot, and discovering the hows and whys of their brain machinations is only going to depress you further-and most likely drive you directly to celibacy.

What girl hasn't had a guy pursue her night and day only to have him pull the ol' disappearing act once you finally sleep with him? Even the wiliest lady-I'm speaking of myself here; I'm wiley-can fall for that one. The last time it happened, I was actually quite shocked. I thought that for once I'd done everything right! I'd gone out with him for the requisite three-date minimum and told him that I wasn't looking for a big-time relationship, but I did want more than a one-night stand. In a rare moment of clarity, I even told him that if he was only looking to get laid, I totally understood, but he should look elsewhere, and promised there'd be no hard feelings. He assured me he really cared about me and agreed that we had something special. Der.

Then-and only then-after everything was clear between us, did we do the nasty. Literally minutes after orgasm (his, naturally), he split my house citing an allergy attack. (Turns out he was allergic to me.)

I'd done everything right. I'm a fucking advice columnist! A romance professional! How could I have misread his intentions?

The only reason I heard from him at all was because I called him a few days later. And what did I glean from the phone call? Well, he was going through "a difficult time" and didn't think he could "handle a relationship." (Translation: couldn't handle a relationship with me.) I refused to believe I'd been had and so hung out with him a few more times, which only increased my aggravation level and decreased my opinion of myself. Eventually it ended moronically. I would've saved myself a world of grief if I'd just attributed his post-coital disappearance to a propensity for Jackassitude from jump and moved on immediately.

This is not to make it seem that women are blameless victims. We ladies can be just as weasely as men, sometimes even more so. I've certainly pulled the post-date I'll-call-you lie once or twice or 37 times. Why? Because it's the easiest and most benevolent way to get myself out of a potentially sticky and hurtful situation. Did the stockbroker really need to know that he was the most aggressively dull human I'd ever encountered? Nah. I'm sure some finance lady is finding his hedge-fund banter quite scintillating. Would the tech guy feel any better about things if I told him I was firmly convinced he was actually gay? Probably not.

See what I mean?

That these yutzes keep disappearing says nothing about you. It just means that you haven't stumbled upon the right knucklehead yet.

So you see, unless you have an established relationship, sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to evaporate.