Bring the Pain
PANIC ON THE STREETS
Panic, I think we can safely say, has descended on Philadelphia. It gradually built through the yearlong McNabb/TO drama, McNabb's injury, the ugly loss to Dallas in Week Five, and the sudden realization that Andy Reid's team is both unwilling and unable to run the football. A new nadir was reached with Sunday's four-touchdown loss to Denver, sending the Eagles' fan base into paroxysms of blood-curdling, talk-radio-dialing rage.
Even in a town where a transit strike has stranded 400,000 commuters, and a councilmaniac recently climbed the City Hall rotunda with thoughts of a pre-indictment jump, the now 4-3 Eagles' struggles are firmly entrenched as topic A-especially now that the surging Giants have turned the NFC East upside down.
The Eagles entered the Denver game having already defeated the other three AFC West teams, following a home victory over San Diego the previous week that ranks as one of the more bizarre games in recent NFL history.
They would have no such luck in Denver on Sunday. A clearly hurting McNabb began the game with four consecutive three-and-out possessions and didn't complete a pass until halfway through the second quarter. Meanwhile, the running woes continued, and Broncos backs Tatum Bell and Mike Anderson proved more adept at handling the Philly run defense than LaDainian Tomlinson the previous week, each running for more than 100 yards as the Broncos jumped to a 28-0 lead.
The Eagles briefly surged in the third quarter, scoring three quick touchdowns, but what would have been the tying touchdown was intercepted in the end zone. The Broncos went on to score three more times, while the Eagles never threatened again. Final score: 49-21, putting Philadelphia's Super Bowl dreams in serious jeopardy.
Unable to get anything substantive going offensively, 4-3 Philly now enters a crucial three-week stretch in which they play all three divisional rivals. Can they sweep, and re-emerge as the division's elite team, re-establishing their running game in the process? Or will the stretch end with the team out of contention, and McNabb in the infirmary? Their rabid fan base is clearly hoping for one result, but that doesn't mean they're not expecting the opposite.
ELSEWHERE:
WRATH OF THE WHIZZINATOR
After the ticket-scalping, Whizzinator and sex-cruise scandals, and on top of their fourth 20-point loss of the season, what the Vikings really needed was for Daunte Culpepper to tear his ACL, MCL and PCL, ending his season. Now that the on- and off-field reputations of just about everyone on the team are in tatters (especially cornerback Fred Smoot), it's hard to imagine what more could go wrong. That's what happens when you hire someone who's about as qualified to be an NFL head coach as Harriet Miers was toÊsit on the Supreme Court.
WHERE WERE THE SNIPERS?
That video of the guy running onto the field in Cincinnati, grabbing the ball from Brett Favre and then running away is hilarious, until one realizes that a suicide bomber could have done essentially the same thing.
AVAST, YE SWABS
Wasn't Tampa Bay thought of as a possible Super Bowl contender as recently as last week? Losing 15-10 to San Francisco-on five field goals, no less-tends to put the kibosh on that sort of talk rather quickly.
next week:
It's Eli Manning's arm vs. Joe Nedney's leg as the Giants travel to San Francisco; Washington and Philly duel Sunday night to determine which fan base has more right to tear their hair out while the Colts try to break their years-long Foxboro hex Monday night against the Pats.
TOTEM AND TABOO
Worship and the quarterback
One of the interesting things about the NFL is how many games are lost because teams make obviously wrong judgments about quarterbacks.
These mistakes usually break down into two types:
1. Wasting millions to have an inexperienced young quarterback sit on the bench-or play abysmally-for two or three years when the money could be better spent on, say, a halfway adequate defensive line.
2. Playing beat-up veterans, who are supposed to be wizened, but are actually just immobile.
Giants fans got to see the latter last season as Kurt Warner impersonated a parking sign after each five-step drop and then waited to be sacked and fumble. Titans fans are now seeing something akin with the washed-up Steve McNair, who last week threw for just more than six yards per attempt and had two interceptions and no touchdowns. Yes, McNair was once tough and poised, but it's been apparent for a while now that he's not as good as his backup, Billy Volek, and unclear if he'll ever be healthy again. How long will it be until Titans management admits as much? Or will it do the usual thing and let Volek "move on" and draft another quarterback next year in order to lower fans' expectations for the following season while hiding their errors?
Chargers fans, meanwhile, suffer as money that could have been spent on putting a team with LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates into the Super Bowl is lost to benchwarmer Philip Rivers' contract. (Remember: The NFL uses a "hard cap." Money spent on one player cannot be spent elsewhere.) As with the Titans, Chargers management will probably compound their present mistake and cover their asses. When they figure out that with his huge contract Rivers can't be traded, they'll likely let starter Drew Brees become a free agent and leave after the season ends. This will then mean a year of watching Rivers make mistakes so that he can learn on the job, thereby denying the team the chance to capitalize on the fact that Tomlinson and Gates are in their prime. Smart.
Lions and Texans fans are getting to see the nuttiness of gambling huge sums-literally tens of millions-on much-hyped college quarterbacks. The Lions' decision to draft Joey Harrington was particularly inscrutable. Yes, quarterback is the most important position on a football team. But next to placekicker, it's the hardest one to judge the skills of college players. Moreover, the Lions were a team with many weakness, and they already had a promising young quarterback in the since-discarded Mike McMahon
The mediocrity of Texans quarterback David Carr was long hidden by the brilliance of receiver Mike Williams, arguably the league's most underrated player, a wideout who could catch a tossed salad with one hand.
Note that these no-longer-are and never-will-be quarterbacks often have something in common-they look like NFL quarterbacks. This can't be underestimated. Make a list of the bust NFL passers over the years: Mark Malone with the '80s Steelers; Heath Shuler with the '90s Redskins; Dave Brown with the Giants; Carr with the Texans; and Kyle Boller with the Ravens. What do they have in common? Movie-star good looks. Like top corporate execs without skills, they look the part but can't play it. The concept and belief in the idea of the confident figurehead who leads in the absence of discrete and necessary skills is not a problem unique to the Fortune 500. The game is based on hero-worship, and this entails irrational belief in totems like executives and coaches, who regard themselves as the essence of rationality.
Veteran QBs who can no longer stay healthy are simply an extension of this problem. People saw them healthy once. How is it that they are so soon too old? Could the totem have lost its power to ward off evil?
-David Kohn