Change My Pitch Up (A New Play in Two Acts)

(A New Play in Two Acts)

Scene: Manhattan-bound D train as it pulls out of Newkirk Ave. station in Brooklyn. Recent morning, roughly 9 a.m. Car populous but comfortable. As train will remain above ground until after reaching Prospect Park station, reassuring beams of sunlight cascade inside the squeaking, jostling car, bouncing from one reflective surface to the next. Crimes of passion will soon face the light.

[Author's note: Dialogue reconstructed while author read same two pages of book for 30 minutes. Authentication approximate but inexact.]

ACT ONE: VIOLENCE

Clad in red Hawaiian shirt and light bluejeans, seated MAN reaches into pocket and extracts cellphone. Exhales audibly and dials. As phone rings, sucks teeth and shakes head.

MAN: Yeah. Yeah, you know that black girl in the sweater who be acting all?I don't know? Yeah, well, she's saying how I hit her and so-and-so, and how she's gonna press charges, so if you don't see me in court?

WOMAN, seated, dressed in black sweater and animal-print tights, wearing long braids swooped over her face and neck, bellows from her seat 20 feet away. WOMAN: That's because you DID hit me! That's because you strangled me and tried to throw me off the train. Why don't you say THAT!

Eyes of PASSENGERS dart quickly upward at MAN and WOMAN before returning to previous occupations?reading newspapers, vacantly staring while listening to music, pretending to sleep, nothing at all. Total silence apart from MAN, WOMAN and grumbling train.

MAN: So if you don't see me in court, that's why. [Hangs up]

WOMAN: That's because you fucking hit a woman. Don't you ever lay a hand on me.

MAN: How did I hit you?

WOMAN: You fucking strangled?

MAN: How did I hit you?

WOMAN: I'm-a go press charges right now. See if you ever hit a woman again. See if you ever hit a woman again.

MAN: Shut up.

WOMAN: See if you ever hit a woman again. You ain't shit.

MAN: Why don't you go about your business. Stay the fuck away from me.

WOMAN: No, you stay away from ME. You ain't shit. [Gets up and walks near car doors equidistant between them] I'm going to press charges.

MAN: Why don't you go see your kids that you ain't seen in weeks?

WOMAN: I saw my kids just the other day! Fuck you! And I'm going to call your bitch up!

MAN: You're not going to do shit. Go about your business.

WOMAN: I hope her husband kicks your fucking ass.

MAN: Shut up. Whatever, whatever.

WOMAN: [Grasping pole] I hope her husband kicks your fucking ass. I hope her husband kicks your fucking ass.

Train rolls past Prospect Park and goes underground. Lights.

ACT TWO: LOVE

As train leaves DeKalb Ave. station, WOMAN, who never exited, takes seat much closer to MAN. They have not spoken since Prospect Park. Car fuller now. Emerges on Manhattan Bridge and wheezes until completely motionless.

WOMAN: I'm going downtown to press charges. Can't fucking believe you. You and your little married bitch.

MAN: Shut the fuck up about that. You better not say anything about that or I'm-a hit you for real.

WOMAN: People know. Oh, people know about your shit, but not because I said anything. People know because you fucking talk about that married bitch all the time.

MAN: If people know it's because you said something. Or maybe because she said some shit.

WOMAN: Why would she be cheating with you if she was gonna say anything? Think about that. She ain't want her husband to know about that. Why would she be cheating with you if her husband was going to find out? You ain't shit.

MAN: I ain't gone around and said shit. So shut the fuck up. It ain't got nothin'-a do with you.

WOMAN: You been going around for days now saying how you be fuckin' her when you ain't even BEEN with her that long. You think you so?

MAN: That ain't got nothin'-a do with you.

WOMAN: I ain't gonna have anything to do with you no more, and you ain't gonna have ANYTHING to do with me. I'm-a go file an order of restraint right now. You ain't never gonna have anything to do with me no more. I'm going to press charges.

MAN: Join the fucking bandwagon.

WOMAN: It don't matter to me. See, your ass locked up by the end of the day. I'm already on the street. [Train begins to move]

MAN: Join the fucking bandwagon.

WOMAN: I thought you was different. Come in and talking all that sweet talk, but now I see. You ain't no different.

MAN: Please.

WOMAN: You ain't no different.

MAN: All these people ain't got to hear this shit.

WOMAN: Well, they heard it. You ain't no different.

MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, let's give the lady a round of applause.

WOMAN: Enough with you.

MAN: Let's give the lady a round of applause.

Train pulls into Grand Street station. WOMAN disembarks and quickly walks upstairs. Lights.