Children Are The Future...Of Evil!

Whoa, talk about an evil, nasty week for area youngsters! If their folks weren't forcing them into sex or scalding them with boiling water, they were getting run over by cars and buses or falling out of fourth-floor windows. And if that wasn't happening, they were strangling their parents, stabbing their best friends, encouraging siblings to do the same or getting stabbed themselves.

Darn kids grow up so fast these days, don't they?

It was a rough week for clubgoers, too. To read the police reports, it seems that everyone-every single person-who went out to a nightclub or bar on the evening of May 28 ended up in the hospital with stab wounds.

At around 12:30 p.m. on Friday, May 27, a 40-year-old New York Press staff writer was riding the Brooklyn-bound F train on his way to a doctor's appointment. Minding his own damn business, he paid little attention when the doors opened at Jay St. and five youths in loose-fitting attire stepped aboard. The cluster of ruffians moved to the other end of the half-empty car, where they set about cracking wise. According to authorities, the man dismissed the idea that their jibes were aimed at him, convincing himself, despite the evidence at hand, that the thugs were instead discussing some other passenger.

As the train pulled into the Smith/9th St. station, the ne'er-do-wells gathered by the doorway near where their chosen victim was sitting. Then, as the doors opened and they began to leave, that last thug in line landed a lightning-quick, explosive punch to the side of the older man's head. The group then ran off the train and down the stairs before the man had time to collect his marbles. The doors closed and the train continued moving. No attempt had been made to steal anything. It was merely a time-tested expression of empty nihilistic violence against a random stranger.

Authorities say that other passengers on the train, most of them grossly overweight and pushing late middle-age, made it clear after the fact that had the same thing happened to them, why, they would've chased those kids down right then and there and shown them a thing or two, yessir. That's what they would've done.

The conductor was not informed of the incident, nor was any report filed with the police. Instead, the man allegedly went on to the doctor's office, relieved that there were no loosened teeth and no apparent signs of concussion. He was also oddly satisfied to have learned that he could still take a punch a bit better than he might've expected.

A passing cop discovered a man in his 30s or 40s lying facedown on a Bronx sidewalk at around 1 a.m. Tuesday. The man-who may well have been drinking earlier in the evening-reportedly wore no jewelry and carried no identification. One thing he did have however, a closer inspection revealed, were bullet wounds to his head and chest.

Oh-and he was on fire, too.