Crime Blotter

Magical Mushroom Tour

Cops in Suffolk County were doing their best to keep the details under wraps, but one thing's clear: On Saturday, Officer Frank Delmasto of the Queens South Task Force was allegedly pullin' the pud, chokin' the chicken, and shaking hands with the president in full view of a female motorist. It's unclear if he was in a car or standing on a sidewalk, whether he'd dropped his pants to his ankles or just part way, or if he even knew the woman. Whatever the case, he made sure she saw what was up.

He was charged with public lewdness, and suspended without pay for 30 days.

Another NYPD officer is breathing a sigh of relief that his pants were up and zipped early Monday evening.

The officer had pulled over David O'Brien, 33, as he was driving through East New York. The reasons for pulling him over remain murky, but O'Brien apparently understood them perfectly as he bolted from his car and ran away. The officer chased him down, and the two reportedly began tussling. That's when O'Brien bared his teeth and chomped off the first joint of the officer's left ring finger.

O'Brien was subdued and arrested before he had a chance to swallow the fingertip, and the cop was taken to the hospital, where surgeons did their darndest to reattach it. No luck, though, with all the chew marks and the spit.

Poor Dale Shields. All he was trying to do was put food on the table. And if his line of work isn't what most people would consider "respectable," what can he say? It's not like he's out mugging people or anything.

Shields, a serial burglar with 12 arrests, was back on the job in Crown Heights Sunday night. But as he and an accomplice allegedly tried to enter an Eastern Parkway apartment, the couple living there locked themselves in the bathroom, called 911, and then called the Shomrim Civilian Patrol-a local vigilante mob. The mob-armed with the traditional torches and pitchforks-arrived on the scene before the cops, confronted Shields, and beat the crap out of him. When the cops arrived they turned him over, and he was taken to the hospital. Once he's well enough, Shields will be facing burglary and assault charges.

Robert McKeon, the 22-year-old son of a Queens firefighter, told a judge on Thursday that his attempted rape of a 73-year-old woman in a park Wednesday wasn't exactly, completely his fault. He admits what he did, but see, it's like this-about an hour earlier, he and a friend ate an eighth of an ounce of magic mushrooms in Manhattan. The trip didn't turn out to be the happy colorful boat ride he was suspecting. Instead, McKeon got in his car, drove to Queens and parked, tried to throw himself in front of another car, then went to the park and attacked the old lady. So, the argument goes, he wasn't in complete control of his actions and the results were pretty bad.

Which just goes to show that all those anti-drug movies they showed us in junior high-the ones we all laughed at-were right after all!