Crime Blotter

There Ain't No Tomorrow

There was surprisingly little gunfire around the city last week. In spite of that, the bodies kept popping up-usually where they were least expected.

On Saturday, police discovered the body of an Hispanic woman in a Harlem dumpster. She was identified by the tattoo on her leg, but her name has not been released. As the ME tries to determine the cause of death, cops are trying to find whoever left it there, apparently in the hopes of returning it.

Gardeners use all sorts of things to fertilize the soil: manure, mulch, Miracle Gro. But someone in Bed-Stuy tried a different kind of fertilizer at an award-winning community garden: a human head! Stuffing the head in a plastic bag probably slowed things down, but it was still a good idea.

The head was discovered early Saturday evening by a girl who was volunteering at the garden. She told the gardener, who called the police, who speculate that the head might've belonged atop that errant torso we discussed last week.

We're happy to report that despite having removed the head, the garden went on to receive second prize in the neighborhood's annual community garden contest.

Sunday evening, 38-year-old Daniel Nelson went a little funny in the head outside an East New York housing project. According to witnesses, he just started jumping up and down, screaming all sorts of nonsense-including "there ain't no tomorrow!"

Well, he sure was right about that. After allegedly punching one woman in the stomach and running around yelping, Nelson made it clear that he was hearing voices, and wanted them out of his brain. So he banged his head on a wall to try and jostle them loose, then banged it on a car. Then the police showed up.

It took four of them to get Nelson-who has a long rap sheet and history of kookiness-down on the ground and handcuffed, but they did it. Then Nelson allegedly had a seizure, went into cardiac arrest, and died.

A man who checked into the Kimberly Hotel on E. 50th St. Monday may not have been quite so threatening, but he sure was a crazy nut!

Shortly after checking in, the man reportedly used mountain-climbing gear to attach himself to a 14th-floor balcony, and let himself swing there above the street a while until he was noticed. Assuming for some reason that he was some kind of mad bomber, dozens of cops and firefighters were called in to block off the area. That sure didn't stop hundreds of gawkers from gathering, stopping traffic and screwing Midtown up royally.

Once he was sure he had a big enough audience, the man tossed thousands of fliers into the air, which fluttered down to the amazed crowd, making quite a mess.

The message he was trying to get across, it seems, had nothing to do with war or school reform. Instead, he just wanted to let people know that Florida was a bad place to visit, what with the weather and the crime and everything.

Some firemen dragged him back inside, and he was sent away for "evaluation."