Crime Blotter

HEY HONEY, LOOK AT THIS! Ebony Oden, a pregnant 21-year-old from Long Island, was visiting her boyfriend, the aptly named Chance Kemar, in Brooklyn on Sunday, Nov. 14. For some mysterious reason known only to him, Kemar waited until Oden was in the bathroom to show off his latest toy: a Mac-10 submachine gun.

He just wanted to show her, is all, but as these things happen, his finger brushed the trigger, and he shot her in the leg. He was lucky on several levels (Mac-10s can fire more than 1000 rounds per minute)-and after the cops arrived, both Kemar and Oden insisted it was just an accident. Unfortunately for Kemar, owning a submachine gun is illegal as hell, so he's now facing weapons charges.

A much more low-tech, and much more intentional attack took place in Astoria on Saturday morning, when a 43-year-old man was attacked inside his apartment by an assailant armed with a knife and a meat cleaver. The reasons behind the attack are unknown. After hacking his victim a few times in the head, police say Mr. Cleaver escaped down the fire escape. They're still looking for him. Reports on the victim's condition vary wildly.

If at first you don't succeed, maybe it's best to give up. That's the lesson two thieves learned in separate incidents Monday.

Early that morning, Joseph Hanks, 56, tried to rob the Valley National Bank on 6th Ave., but was turned away empty-handed. Thinking that the best thing to do was to get right back on that horse, Hanks strolled over to the Commerce Bank on 5th Ave. Things went more smoothly there, and he pranced out of the bank with a large sack of cash.

Then the dye pack exploded. Still undeterred-he'd already gone this far, damn it-Hanks kept walking with a bag that was smoking red. Then two cops saw him. Then the bank manager (as if this were really necessary) pointed Hanks out to the cops, who arrested him.

Later Monday morning, according to the Post, a would-be burglar in Flushing, instead of going through the traditional "window," tried to pry open the front door of a house with a screwdriver.

The burglar, Jerry Rodriquez, didn't have much luck. He also didn't know that a neighbor who'd watched him do this had called the cops. So Rodriquez (still stuck on that "door" notion) went to another house and started working on that door. He was still at it with the screwdriver when the cops showed up. He now faces multiple charges.

When police were called to a Brownsville apartment Tuesday afternoon, they found a 21-year-old man on the floor, bleeding from several stab wounds to the leg. They also found his knife-happy girlfriend, Tara Simmons, waiting with him. According to the Post, she told the officers the victim "got exactly what he deserved. He should have kept his dick in his pants."

True or not, Simmons' lawyer might want to come up with a better defense strategy once the trial begins.