Crime Blotter

It was a week jam-packed with shootings, rapes, trannie stabbings and cigar-related assaults. So many, in fact, that the NYPD didn't even mention it, for fear it would mess up their statistics. But in and amongst all the savagery, it's still good to know there are a few people left out there-Staten Islanders, mostly-who are satisfied to get their criminality fix in gentler, more wholesome ways.

When was the last time, for instance, you heard of someone pulling a dine 'n' dash, let alone getting collared for it? Well, it happened to 18-year-old Nikyia Smith of Staten Island. The silly girl went into an Applebee's at about 5 p.m. last weekend and ordered herself a Baja Potato Boat, some mozzarella sticks, one of those novelty steaks of theirs with a side of popcorn shrimp and finished things off with a yummy Maple Butter Blondie.

(Note: there is no evidence indicating that these are the actual items Ms. Smith ordered.)

When she saw that the check came to more than $35, Ms. Smith allegedly made a dive for the door. Being so dull and sluggish after that big meal, though, she wasn't moving too fast. Members of the crack Applebee's team-they don't fool around-easily caught up with her, holding her there until the police arrived. She's being charged with petit larceny and blatant tackiness. I mean, Applebee's?