Crime Blotter
GET YOUR RAH-RAHS OUT The week started off with a bang, or at least a muffled whooompf in the Bronx, when an unnamed 23-year-old homeless man soaked himself with lighter fluid, set himself ablaze, then took a stroll until being doused by a Parks Dept. employee.
The human torch survived the ordeal, but probably wishes he hadn't. He later denied it was an attempted suicide, claiming he was just trying to light a cigarette.
A 41-year-old Bronx woman must have been awfully surprised when she awoke at 4:30 Sunday morning to find her downstairs neighbor stabbing her. The two had apparently had a tiff the previous day, according to the Post. So just to make sure she got the last word in, Shavan McFatten snuck into her upstairs neighbor's apartment with a knife and stabbed her several times. Not very effectively, though, as the victim is going to be fine. McFatten is now, not surprisingly, facing assault charges.
If you were of a certain mindset in your youth, some crimes are understandable. Take the case of the 14-year-old Brooklyn girl who was assaulted after school on Friday, Oct. 22. The teen, a student at East New York's Thomas Jefferson HS, was a cheerleader, and was attacked because she was a cheerleader.
On the way home after being booed at a pep rally, the girl ran into a group of still pepped-up students, who expressed their school spirit by stomping her and smashing her in the face with a garbage can. She was hospitalized with minor injuries, and on Monday one student-18-year-old Nohel Marte-was arrested and charged.
The day before the full lunar eclipse, and two days before the full moon, police discovered the body of 56-year-old computer analyst Linda Ingram on the floor of her Bushwick apartment. They also found the man who strangled her, live-in crackhead boyfriend Leslie Beech, taking a nap nearby.
That same day, another body was found lying in the middle of another Brooklyn apartment, and again the killer was on-hand. The body belonged to 75-year-old Rabbi Rahamin Sultan. When the rabbi didn't show up at the community center for a few days, his friends became concerned and notified the police. At the apartment, cops were greeted by the rabbi's roommate, a 47-year-old Hasidic man named Howard Goldstein, who'd moved in with Sultan a few months ago. The bearded Goldstein answered the door in heavy makeup, wearing a low-cut blouse and pink high heels.
The awful stench led police to the body, and Goldstein later confessed that an argument over money led him to bludgeon the old man.
Finally, the Newshole would like to congratulate the great Rip Torn for last Thursday's court victory. We love you, you crazy ol' goat!