Defending the Upper West Side; Where's Cockburn's Police State?; DeFilippo's Out to Lunch; More Abuse

Once again, MUGGER, you are off base about the Kennedys. Caroline Kennedy (8/23) looks fantastic. How do you look?

Kevin Hogan, Boston

Seen Shelly Silver?

MUGGER's 8/23 column on the Democratic convention was his familiar mix of conservative boilerplate and half-assed inanities, proving once again that he is, to paraphrase Tony Hendra, Babbitt with an attitude.

His description of former President George Bush as a "model citizen," however, is simply horseshit. Bush was up to his eyeballs in Iran-Contra and lied about it repeatedly. He has also spent his retirement years shilling (for major bucks) for Rev. Moon in Latin America (a fact, I should add, that has received next to no press in this country).

If that makes you a model citizen, I'd hate to see a bad guy.

Steve Simels, Manhattan

Flipped Off

This latest piece by Frank A. DeFilippo ("Opinion," 8/23) is interesting. Are we supposed to buy this b.s. from a man who worked for a crook? Hey, Frank, maybe Jimmy Carter saw something you didn't. Or, maybe you saw and didn't care?

Dudley Crawford, Houston

Stalking Pictures

There must be some mistake with last week's Armond White column ("Film," 8/23). A trickster has posted on your website some sort of parody of Mr. White's writing. It's not April Fool's Day, so I can't imagine what the proximate cause of such an outrage would be. I would appreciate it if you would get on top of this right away and alert Mr. White that some parodist is stalking him.

Victor Morton, Alexandria, VA

Al, Policeman's Helper

Alan Cabal: Thank you for telling it like it was in your 8/23 piece ("Cirque du Malaise: Dawn of the Zombies for Gore"), and for not being like your media colleagues, who act negatively toward our police presence. You saw firsthand that the LAPD are not a bunch of racist "Nazis" or whatever else the "kids" dressed in black kept mumbling. I guess the "kids" don't see the color of our skin; they only see the color of the uniform. Being an Hispanic, I would have been in the ovens if it were a "Nazi" organization.

I am one of the many LAPD patrol officers who take pride in doing the job, and I thank you for writing the truth.

Name Withheld, Los Angeles

Nose for a Story

Alan Cabal has that rare talent to cut to the heart of a scene and deliver it to us truly via his sense of smell. Nobody else I've read lately can do that.

In an obscene world Cabal is charmingly so. His metaphors leap up at you from the neo-collective unconscious like the Jersey Devil himself. And he knows precisely when to stop, and what to leave you with.

The major danger in reading Cabal's stuff is not that he'll drive you crazy. It's that you become so entranced by his style, his magic, that you miss the fact that he writes from his heart.

R.A. Davis, Willow Street, PA

Because We've Got an Honest Face

You say that Toby Young claimed to have witnessed something he didn't see in order to give his story "immediacy" ("The Mail," 8/23). This is ludicrous. I'm an independent journalist and have innumerable opportunities, every time I write, to make the story sexier by fabricating details. But I don't?and if Toby Young doesn't understand why no writer with integrity would even consider it, he needs to switch to fiction.

Why didn't you fire him? Why should I believe anything you print in the future?

Barbara Nordin, Charlottesville, VA

Oy Vey Joe

I've always believed Joe Rodrigue ("The Mail," 8/23) to be an asshole of the highest degree (and a racist to boot), but goody for me, now I get to add "stupid goy" to the list.

While it is true that the more orthodox forms of Judaism are opposed (for the most part) to abortion and homosexuality, Joe Lieberman has always maintained that he practices modern Orthodox Judaism, which stresses a commitment to God and tradition, but also seeks to embrace (or at least tolerate) the modern world.

If you knew anything about Judaism (instead of telling us what you thought), you'd know that, by his described practice alone (and not simply what he believes), Joe Lieberman is undeniably an Orthodox Jew. And despite whatever political differences I have with him (he's too conservative for my liking), I am not inclined to impugn his religious credentials.

Next time, ignoramus, read a book before you spout off about a religion that you don't understand.

Sign me an unabashedly Reconstructionist Jew.

Wilbur R.C. Bryant, Philadelphia

The Obligatory You-All-Suck-Except-for-Jim-Maaaan Letter

You guys, with the exception of Jim Knipfel, totally suck. You're like a bunch of whiny hippies in reverse. It's too bad, because this could be a really fun paper if it weren't politically slanted. Especially Russ Smith (boo-hoo, the Democrats are coming!). Dude, you gotta shake that family you got there and go out and have a good time or something. Jeez!

Louis Cuisinier, Staten Island Barnard E-Mail Address

Well, Candice Choi's blasting of Take Back the Night ("Live & Learn," 8/16) is shocking in a lot of ways, but I'm shocked mainly because this masterpiece (not) of self-destructive, meaningless hatred got published. Choi's foaming, aimless ranting would probably have been found embarrassing at any other publication. Her attitudes against what seems like all people on Earth and all holidays and events are pathetic, and I'm sorry to see that you encourage crap like this.

Catherine Wallach, Brooklyn

Ooo! She's Been a Professor!!

I've been a professor and I've taught writing. So I know incoherent and simply bad prose when I see it. Fortunately, most of it never sees print.

Then there's Candice Choi. Somebody's degree should be revoked: hers, or that of the instructor who passed her in English comp. (I wonder about her college's accreditation, too!) As for the editor who let her article into your "Live & Learn" educational supplement?let's see, what's an appropriate punishment? A day with Candice?

She makes Amy Sohn and Larissa Phillips seem like the Bronte sisters.

Name Withheld, Brooklyn

Never a Cop When You Need One

I admit to having experienced a slight quickening of interest when reading Alexander Cockburn's account ("Wild Justice," 8/23) of thousands and thousands of police cars, regiments of Cossacks and tiers of yawning prison cells in Los Angeles; but it passed in a second. The memory of repeated disappointments came tumbling back to stifle the flicker.

Too often in the past have I been deceived by predictions of the advent of the police state. Thirty-two years ago, when Nixon was elected and its imminence was predicted on all sides, I rushed out and bought myself a pair of jackboots and a black shirt. I was hot to trot. And what happened?

Nothing happened.

Then James Buckley was elected senator in New York and the extinction of democracy was confidently predicted by a hundred agitated voices. I got my jackboots out of the closet, shined 'em up and practiced the Passo Romano. I was ready. And then?

Nothing.

Twenty years ago I awoke one November day to hear prophecies of the impending Dark Night of Fascism ascending to an unprecedented crescendo. I ordered a case of castor oil, dusted off the old bacchetta and looked up Alex Cockburn's address. Full of eager anticipation, I was all set to kick some Bolshie butt.

Another false alarm.

Well, I'm not falling for it again.

John N. Frary, Queens

Toward the Seizure Of Powers

I thought "The Office Birthday" ("First Person," 8/16) was a riot. Give Bob Powers a shot at the "office baby shower" or "office farewell party." After my first office birthday party, I made a point every year of taking a day off on my birthday.

Mary Holt, Chester Springs, PA To the Extreme

MUGGER: I just saw your column for the first time. I like your writing style, but not 3640 words of it. Commentary has its limits; probably somewhere around 1000 words. Maybe it's a requirement for you, I don't know.

I hope you're being facetious when you say David Broder is "evenhanded" (8/23). If an awards ceremony were held for bring-in-the-government-mantra-chanter-of-the-century, Cokie Roberts and Sam Donaldson wouldn't even show up, because they'd know Broder would get it.

"Objectivity in journalism" used to mean something, I think. Now the phrase is instantly perceived as an intended joke. "Why investigate a story when it's so much easier to pick a side and root for it?" is what they all seem to be saying.

I guess this is a long way of saying I'm glad you're out there, and I'll look for your column. I'll finish now because response letters should have their limits, probably somewhere around 100 words.

Name Withheld, Butte, MT

The Abbey Pub Rules

Usually the digs come from Russ Smith, but now the estimable John Strausbaugh, in his article on Ira Stoll ("Publishing," 8/23), continues the time-honored New York Press tradition of taking pot shots at the Upper West Side.

Since I doubt any of you ever venture up this far north, I have to figure your impressions of this neighborhood are at least 20 years out of date. If I venture out of my apartment in the west 70s now, the neighbors I will encounter are quite likely to be 24 or 26 years old, with very early and sizable investment-related fortunes. They easily outnumber the old-style liberals you seem to believe dominate the populace.

I am surrounded by beautiful, well-tended landmark brownstones on tree-lined blocks between wide avenues. I am half a block from Central Park. Several of the city's greatest museums are within a five-minute walk, and I can get to the east side, if I have to, in 10 minutes. My two favorite restaurants, Picholine and Molyvos, are within walking distance. There is even a lively music club downstairs on Columbus Ave. at 71st St. (the name changes often), and the young people seem to love it. To me, this is a vastly preferable experience to living on, let's say, the decrepit Lower East Side, where a few deafeningly noisy, cramped, overpriced new eateries are not sufficient to sustain a decent life.

And you know, if we do read The New York Times, we do know where they're coming from. I have detected the same creeping bias as have Stoll and Strausbaugh, and left wing though I may be, I am just as appalled. I no longer read the op-ed pages unless there's a headline that hints at a good laugh. The condescension toward the outer boroughs is indeed heinous, but, since I regularly visit a friend at 242nd St. and Broadway in the Bronx who can't find a Times within 20 blocks of her home, I think the editors are just assessing who their audience is.

Why do I still get the Times? Actually, I don't. I borrow my neighbor's copy when she goes to work at 6:30 a.m. I still like it for the cultural coverage, which, as far as the New York City dailies are concerned, is the best in a field of one.

On the other side of the coin, it should be acknowledged that the Times does still publish William Safire and John Tierney and other dissenting voices, and even Maureen Dowd seems to be no friend of Gore. As for the New York Post providing sassy conservative competition?the Post is not even a newspaper, and it's laughable to talk about any kind of bias in the Times as long as the Post, which might as well as called The Republican House Organ, exists.

As for the dissing of Belgium in the 8/23 "Soup to Nuts": perhaps the most memorable meal I ever enjoyed was in an outdoor cafe by the Channel in Ostende, and, yes, mussels were the main course. Those little antiquities Bruges and Ghent are every bit as charming as is alleged. And besides, Monty Python got it right way before you guys, in a game show parody called Prejudice in which contestants were asked to make up three nasty names for Belgians. Third place was the Sprouts. Second place was the Phlegms (get it?). The winner: Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards."

Alex Cecarelli, Manhattan

Soup Bones

Loved MUGGER's recap of the Democrats' Nostalgia Convention (8/23). But I wish I could share the general optimism, in the same issue, of Christopher Caldwell ("Hill of Beans") and Alan Cabal ("Cirque du Malaise") about Gore losing in the fall. For voters who love the socialist nanny state, it must have been a rousing convention.

Somehow I was totally unconvinced by the formula of character endorsements by family members, especially when they were as vapid as the ones provided by Karenna Gore Schiff and Hadassah Lieberman (who I thought was absolutely paralyzed with fright). Al Gore brought you hot chocolate? Well, he's your father, idiot, and anyway he was probably just trolling for votes. It's like O.J. Simpson bringing in his sick mother to testify that he's a good boy and he would never, ever slit his wife's throat like that.

Gore's "I am my own man" line was probably the saddest part of his entire 50-minute litany of liberal promises. A completely meaningless statement that only served to draw attention to what he wants everyone to forget: that he's just a Clinton lackey. Real leaders show their independence by example; they don't talk about it. Gore showed his independence most notably during the Lewinsky scandal and ensuing impeachment, when he took the bit between his teeth and did?nothing. He stood in the Rose Garden and called Bill Clinton one of our greatest presidents. His own man? Yeah, like Joe Lieberman.

Or, thinking of his fundraising role and abuse of the INS in the rushed naturalization of a million aliens before the 1996 elections, maybe what he meant was, "I am my own crook, not just the enabler of one."

And speaking of Albert Gore III, I had to laugh at a news item quoting a cop who said that little Al had behaved admirably in the wake of his recent arrest for driving 97 mph. It seems he stood up and took it like a man, instead of pulling strings (as I guess the Gore family usually does when they get caught). Now there's spin for ya?turning an arrest for reckless driving into a character test. I'm sure the kid's insurance company was impressed with his character as well.

I don't know anybody who's driven 100 mph, let alone been dumb enough to be caught at it, but if anybody I know had been arrested like Al III, I can guarantee that the cop would not be impressed. Higher expectations, maybe?

Joe Rodrigue, New Haven

Rigged House

I'm starting a pool to bet on which country Bill Clinton will bomb before the election. Want in on it? Here are the countries and the current odds.

Afghanistan: Even Libya: 4-1 Syria: 5-1 Haiti: 4-1 Cuba: 2-1 Pakistan: 3-1 Lebanon: 4-1 Iran: 3-1 Iraq: Even Bob Kingsbery, Mill Creek, WA

The Woman Who Won't Go Away

Well, shall we drag out the tit-for-tat? Nothing like a good flame war to keep "The Mail" interesting. I mean, it's not like New York's Free Weekly Newspaper ever actually runs any news.

Alan Cabal ("The Mail," 8/23) apparently can't tell the difference between "nostalgia" and "hope." I'm not nostalgic for the East Village Other; I am hopeful that a new generation will revive the tradition and give both New York Press and the Village Voice a long-overdue run for their money. One cannot, by definition, be nostalgic for the future. Entiendes? Great quality control, New York Press! Maybe one day you'll find some writers who actually understand the English language.

Cabal also fails to explain why people in Cheyenne, WY, are more "real" than people in, say, Flatbush, the Lower East Side or Jackson Heights. Once again, a strange attitude for the Golden Boy of New York's Free Weekly Newspaper. If you like it so much west of the Hudson, Cabal, move! That goes for you too, New York Press. My "stench of desperation" derives from seeing venues like New York Press drag the once-proud tradition of alternative journalism down into the sewer.

Bill Weinberg, High Times, Manhattan

Wow...Like...Yikes...Whoa

You know...jeez...I dunno. You guys. I mean...while you were deciding whether to publish Frank A. DeFilippo's major slamming of Jimmy Carter, did the phrase "consider the source" ever ONCE come to mind. You pick the press secretary to Marvin Mandel, Carter's bitterest career-long Democratic rival and a convict to boot, to give us an assessment of the 39th president, and we're supposed to trust it for even an iota of evenhandedness?

Okay. So Carter was an extremely ambitious pol whose self-righteousness made him a bit of a pill. He sure could hold a grudge. He cut Nixon far too much slack, possibly for expedient reasons. I believe we knew all of that.

But this is hardly sufficient basis on which to conjure up the sense of reader outrage that is DeFilippo's goal, first, because it's really not a very big deal, is it, and two, because it comes from a lieutenant of the disgraced Mandel. This is journalism?

I'm not whitewashing who Carter is; evenhanded assessments of the man have been made and will again be made elsewhere, though apparently not in your pages.

As for P.J. O'Rourke's dismissal of Carter as a "pathetic old coot who pounds nails into poor people's houses," well, at the risk of repeating myself...consider the source. O'Rourke's wry attempts at making a virtue of dissing any attempt at virtue have been stale and sophomoric for nearly a decade. Making fun of altruistic, charitable acts?yeah, P.J. that's an adult thing to do.

Hey, a few issues ago, didn't you run an interview with Marty Willson-Piper of the Church ("Music," 5/10), the best rock band of the last 20 years, which suggested that irony was growing tiresome and its heyday might soon be over? When, exactly, is that gonna happen?

Will Forsman, Manhattan

No French Whine

Candice Choi: You go, goil. It's always pleasant to see one's long-held opinions so nicely articulated in print ("Live & Learn," 8/16). The man who rapes wantonly and deliberately is clearly an animal, but the guy who leers at a woman in a skirt up to her ovaries is just doing what comes naturally.

I believe that in France, if you leave the keys in your ignition and the car gets stolen, you have little room to whine.

Anne Stevens, Manhattan

That Great Slavic Soul

Regarding Mimi Kramer's piece "The Letter G" ("Live & Learn," 8/16) on St. George Academy: I also taught at SGA for the academic term during which Ms. Kramer was the replacement English teacher. I taught religion, though we didn't have any books and were minus a few desks ourselves. That Ms. Kramer and I never met is the clearest comment on Sister Monica's school. I hope it was not she who broke down in tears in the classroom, but I remember the junior girls telling me such a story about their English teacher. Had I known Ms. Kramer was spending her time between periods at McSorley's, I would have been happy to join her. Even a few at McSorley's would have helped me improvise each day's theology lessons. (Or given me calm when the Polish boys were getting high in the stairwell, or a Ukrainian girl masturbated in the back row of class.)

I've since found another teaching job, and I hope you have as well, Mimi. Occasionally I'll pass Sr. Monica somewhere along 7th St., or I'll see my students come stumbling out of the Sly Fox on 2nd Ave., and recall the one time I felt genuinely good about my year there.

It was the spring of 1999 and the Ukrainian Festival was on. Walking toward school I saw the older boys, boys embarrassed to be singled out in any way, walking the streets of the city in giant, flowing blue pants, enormous around the knee and tight at the ankle, hiding from their parents in corners, drinking and smoking. The girls all wore red velvet skirts, twice as long as they prefer, and puffy white blouses, tight in knots at the shoulder and elbow, and wreaths of red flowers in their hair. Finally the musicians began a wedding waltz, and the kids took the stage in pairs, nervous and forcing smiles, the boys squatting and kicking, the girls holding one of their hands and spinning around them. Pairs shifted and girls went from boy to boy. Everyone kept fucking up.

When the first of the dances was over, I approached their group, trying to hide my drink, and told them it was awesome. "Awful?" they blushed and laughed. "Yes awful!"

I paused and caught their gaze, silencing them and their insecurity?just momentarily?and said: "No... It was dobre!" And there was a giant cheer. I had finally, after a year with them, after cursing and arguments, after countless mispronunciations of their names, after mutual resentment, learned how to say "good."

And as for that letter writer in the 8/23 "Mail"?Chris Zwahlen from Boston?who complained about the historicity of Toby Young's movie-star-in-the-ice-cream-parlor parable, Zwahlen sounds like the sort of fellow you'd find shirtless in some bar, insisting that when he said Alan Keyes rocked the house, he meant that literally. Rather than suspending Young, have him buy Zwahlen a dollar draught somewhere in Southie and explain that he was just trashtalking the damned Limeys.

Paul Dwyer, Manhattan

Before the Flood

MUGGER: I'm a big fan of your columns. I saw the Rolling Stones (8/23) in 1972, 1975, 1978, 1981, 1989, 1994 and 1998. Keith Richards was the most smacked out in 1972 and 1975. And those were the best concerts?especially '75, where Ron Wood was actually auditioning, hence playing seriously.

Humberto Fontova, Covington, LA

They're People People

MUGGER: Please point out to your readers that populism is a classic scam in which a political figure claims that only by granting him extraordinary powers can the people defend themselves against inchoate, malevolent forces. Caesar, Napoleon, Mussolini and Peron pulled it off. God help us if Gore does too.

If you really care about the future of our country, you will lay off Rick Lazio, whatever you think of him personally. He is all that stands between you and a six-year reign of terror by Her Heinous.

You are talented, but you must learn to channel your wit and insights more productively.

Michael Zak, Chicago

Shelly the Racist Scumbag

Re: "The People You Trust," by Jim Knipfel ("New York City," 8/16): The state and city's handling of the disaster that occurred at the MTA's Stanton substation is typical of governmental services during Sheldon Silver's tenure as assemblyman of the Lower East Side. Silver is captive to the upstate Republican crew, which has no interest in embarrassing Silver's dear friend George Pataki or his buddy Rudy Giuliani.

This November, Shelly is the Liberal Party candidate, so who knows what he doled out to Giuliani crony Ray Harding. After all, Rudy and George find jobs for Shelly's Grand St. crew in their administrations and let him dole pork to his buddies.

Why shouldn't Shelly screw the Latinos and poor in his district? They haven't voted him out in all of these years!

Silver's Grand St. buddies are comfortable in their positions at the MTA and Con Ed. He has no incentive to care about the health and welfare of a few hundred powerless constituents poisoned by asbestos and PCBs. The Stanton substation will remain another open sore on the face of the city until Silver is voted out of office.

Raymond J. Dowd, Green Party candidate for State Assembly in the 62nd Assembly District, Lower East Side, Manhattan 

Top Dawg

Taki's Top Drawer was exceptionally interesting and eloquent last week. I usually print the articles before reading them. But I began reading at the top and couldn't stop reading until the end of the last item.

Thank you for the good work.

Jerry Spector, St. Louis

Go for Boka

There's only one thing to say when Zoltan Boka ("The Mail," 8/23) cranks up his completely moronic equation that the economy can't be good because people with advanced degrees "wind up as a babysitter or living below the poverty level":

Maybe they're not as smart as you think they (and you) are.

As a senior manager in a Pittsburgh manufacturing organization, I can tell you flat out that we interview candidates every day for positions paying way above the poverty line who have advanced degrees. You know what? Most of them can hardly tie their shoes. Most of them have never held a job with more responsibility than scooping ice cream at Baskin-Robbins. And worst of all?pay attention, class?most expect to be handed a senior management or executive position based on the fact that they have a receipt for the $100K they just gave some university?a receipt that is supposed to entitle them.

I say "most" because the ones we hire have advanced degrees, but understand that those of us interviewing them also have advanced degrees, plus 10 to 20 years work experience. How is a kid, whose worst work-related crisis to date is that he had to come to the interview that I'm conducting without the red tie his placement counselor told him to wear, going to manage a job with responsibilities commensurate with $100K a year? Smarts are one thing; experience is entirely another.

My guess is that somebody with an advanced degree who is employed as a babysitter is sulking. After all, when you have an MBA and are an entry-level planner or process manager, it's just an insult that, if you work hard, you can overcome in about three years with a couple of promotions. When you're an MBA manning the fry basket at McDonald's, you're a victim. And when you're a victim, somebody?like Zoltan Boka?is going to feel your pain.

Frank Turk, Pittsburgh

Up with Librarians

George Szamuely: So, you are a libertarian!

By the way, I like your name, since my father was a Samuel. What would be the standards for acceptable behavior under the libertarian philosophy? If you only harm yourself, then it's okay?

How would this work with children harming themselves? Does this not harm the parents and society? The question is, can a child be a libertarian? If a child cannot be a libertarian, can he only be a libertarian after he is self-sufficient? When an adult harms himself and then becomes a burden on society, should society be responsible for his care? This citizen wants to know all these things.

My next question has to do with healthcare. You may want to do an article on this question. When did society change so that people aren't able to go to a doctor if they are sick? I grew up poor. Never did my parents hesitate to take me to a doctor to treat any injury or illness. If they couldn't pay the bill then, they paid it later. When I raised my children, I had no insurance. If I couldn't pay the doctor, I had a running tab with him until it was paid off. I know the answers to a lot of these questions, but does the public know?

Unfortunately, most people don't read, and their educations are left to the television media, which seems to serve only soundbites.

So Al Gore is going to save us from the rich and powerful corporations that don't give a damn if the government takes over the insurance business, because then they won't have to be bothered? What a joke. The rich and powerful corporations that Gore will save us from will just pass on their additional costs to us.

I am voting for Bush! He will hurt us less.

Bette Bette Schaffel, Miami

He's from Prescott, AZ

MUGGER: Very good column! Thanks from the mile-high town of Prescott, AZ.

M. Williams, Prescott, AZ

The Boys and Brazile

MUGGER: Do you actually believe Robert Shrum has the nuts to fire Donna Brazile (8/23)? I don't. Could they really control Jesse Jackson after that? Maxine Waters? I just don't think she can be fired, and I cannot see her leaving on her own. She wouldn't fake a reason for them.

Overall, I think it's great. There should be plenty to watch for the next 10 weeks or so. I just hope Bush doesn't go negative. He doesn't need to, certainly not now.

Roger Ross, Tomahawk, WI

Bootlicker Joe

MUGGER: "I will never let you down." This was the most overlooked statement of the Democratic convention.

Gore's criminal fundraising activity; his cowardice in refusing to denounce Clinton's behavior; his reversal on abortion?you get the idea. He has let me down. He is letting me down. He will continue to let me down. And, to boot, Joe Lieberman let me down, too, by agreeing to run with a coward.

Lieberman was one of the only Democrats I cared about. I met his son while I was at Yale. Both father and son struck me as a singularly decent characters.

If anyone wants to criticize Generation X about cynicism, look no further than our politicians for an answer.

Sean Robertson, Manhattan

Ouch, Strained My Metaphor

MUGGER: You have done it again. Your columns are my desserts. They are delicious with facts, truth and honesty. I just keep craving more of your wit. I am sure the best is yet to come.

Joan Chacona, Cedar Park, TX

Peggy Day

MUGGER: Geesh, well at least you haven't come quite as unglued as Miss Peggy (Noonan). But all this angry ranting sounds an awful lot like a prescient prelude to yet another November nightmare. ("Oh my God, the motherfuckers have done it again!") Gore's riding riverboats and bouncing, Nader's already fading and Curious George is hiding somewhere under Karen Hughes' skirts, hoping they can figure out a way to schedule the debates on a Popeil infomercial sometime after midnight on a Sunday.

Sure, it'll be close, you're right about that. But watch your back if the Philadelphia feint/fake to the middle doesn't pan out come Election Day. There'll be a host?heavenly and otherwise?of angry white right-wing conservative wackjobs who want their party back.

Harley Peyton, Santa Monica

Creepy, Spooky

Alan Cabal: In your article in the 8/9 issue ("Elephant Walk: Triumph of the W"), you made in interesting comment that moved me to respond. You mentioned in passing that Bush the Elder gave you the creeps.

Bingo! Bull's-eye! I've had the same feeling about him for years, but that was the first time I've ever seen anyone in media admit to the same feeling. He always struck me as having a shifty vibe; as a kind of faceless company man.

And let's face it, he was CIA director, and was and probably still is much beloved by the boys in the dirty tricks department. What does that say about his character?

You might find this interesting. I knew a woman who was on the White House staff for years, under Reagan, Ford and Nixon. She is a middle-aged, innocuous-looking woman, even a bit matronly. She recounted to me that she was once standing on the steps of the Smithsonian when a limo pulled up, and in an instant she looked up and found herself confronted by men with machine guns. She looked over at the car and it was Bush the Elder and Barbara. Another time, the presidential motorcade was coming down some street, but she was more interested in buying an ice cream. No sooner did she reach into her pocket for money than she found herself staring into the barrel of an agent's revolver. I find such stories quite revealing of Bush the Elder's "character," and her opinion of him is what you'd expect.

And then there was October 1980, and the infamous, mysterious weekend when no one, to this day, knows "Where was George?" It probably won't be proven, but there are many, including me, who suspect that he was in Paris finishing the deal with the Ayatollah.

Did you notice that his so-called "heart problems" arose just when the October Surprise issue happened and Gary Sick's book came out? I haven't heard of any heart problems before or since. I believe that, on a psychosomatic level, in his secret heart of hearts, he harbored a dread of some hard evidence escaping into the public realm.

So much for morality and integrity in government. The Democrats should raise that next time Clinton's bimbo adventures are brought up.

Dominique Amarante, Baldwin, NY