DinnerBroker.com Is Culinary Usury! It Sucks!

Catching La Clape It's official. Contemporary New York City is now as decadent, as lumberingly effuse, as conceptually violent, as excessive, as was Caligula's Rome. The latest indication? A new service called DinnerBroker.com, which sets a bold, wallowing new standard for corruption. Check this out: you can now purchase coveted restaurant reservations from what's essentially a scalper?and it's totally legal. In what, compared to this Imperial City, are the relatively sane rural parts of some Arab countries, such a manipulation would come under the heading of "Usury," and mullahs would be running around with scimitars, justifiably looking to cut off the offending parties' noses. Heh heh.

The press release continues: "DinnerBroker has exclusive access to prime time tables that can be purchased by those who have last-minute guests or are simply 'planning impaired.' Tables have been exclusively allocated to DinnerBroker through partnerships with many of New York City's finest restaurants."

Can't these people be prosecuted under RICO? Next we'll presumably have legalized gambling in New York City (but only in the black neighborhoods), or bear-baiting.

To demean yourself and use this service, call 1-888-iEATat8 or, of course, log on to www.dinnerbroker.com.

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Call it the Lessons of Puck. Wolfgang Puck, that is, the L.A. restaurateur (you know, Spago, and the wickedness that it has wrought), not the building on Houston St. that formerly housed this publication, and that continues to host our overcrowded annual Best of Manhattan bash. Matthew Kenney, the...well, puckish young chef behind the eponymous Matthew's, as well as Mezze, the now-defunct Monzu, the thriving Canteen and the apparently superhot Commune (Can't the guy think of something with more than one name? It makes the Southerners among us a little confused), recently debuted, Wolfgang-like, a line of culinary products based on his cuisine. "Provisions for the way we cook and eat today," is how the p.r. copy goes, describing the animating ethos behind Kenney's 13 offerings under the Modern Fare label.

What we "cook and eat today" is in fact squirrel stew. Land o' Goshen! It's squirrel season in these parts, and the little fuckers are easy pickings in Riverside Park. We like to stake out a sycamore at dawn and then BLAM! BLAM!?empty two barrels of birdshot at a passel of the varmints and send the dogs over to snag the kill.

But really, if we did shoot some squirrel and roast it up, Kenney's Pomegranate Dressing certainly would taste good on the side. Besides that, we've grown addicted to the Green Olive Creme, and the Romesco Sauce tastes good on spaghetti. The Lemon Ginger Conserve we're not too sure about, but we can't stop shoveling down the Spiced Almonds or the Citrus Pates de Fruits. Kenney's selection of teas is also delightful, notably the one that evokes chocolate. If you want to know more, give 'em a holler at 866-mod-fare.

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Sick of shelling out thousands upon thousands of sweat-stained greenbacks each autumn for Bordeaux that you could just as soon dump into the radiator of an old Ford, so generally unschooled is your mongrel palate? Fret not. There's Languedoc, the vast, warmblooded wine region along France's Mediterranean coast?one of the country's oldest wine regions?to turn to for all your rotgut needs.

Or maybe it's not rotgut at all, as the '98 Chateau de Capitoul, from the Coteaux du Languedoc, demonstrates. At nine dollars, a bottle of this stuff is a bargain-hunter's dream: thick with smoky brown aromas and rich with fruit up front, it's nonetheless a wine of stern structure that won't give you the same gushing slickyslide ride as a cheap Australian shiraz. This wine is no adolescent floozy?it's a stealth adult. Blended from mourvedre, grenache, carignan and syrah, it hails from La Clape, the rocky, hilly geography around Narbonne. This rugged terroir finds expression in the strong mineral component that forms the wine's backbone. You're not going to find anything like this out of California, so if you're tired of using proprietary domestic red blends as your everyday wine, give this one a whirl.

Contributors: Matthew DeBord, Andrey Slivka.

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