Don't Hide in the Subway

The year began and ended with a thump for 32-year-old Leonard Hodge, who was chased around Upper Manhattan New Year's Day by two men with an unspecified beef. Thinking the subway was just the place to get away, Hodge ducked into the W. 145th St. station.

But things don't always work like they do in the movies. No train was waiting to whisk him away, and his pursuers were closing fast. In a last-ditch effort to evade them, Hodge jumped onto the tracks, thinking they would never follow him. He was right-they weren't about to jump onto the tracks. Not with a 1 train roaring into the station.

The two men got away. Hodge did not.

That same afternoon, a fellow with another kind of beef showed up at a security post outside the UN building, screaming something or another in Chinese. Before the guards on duty had a chance to react, the man whipped out a knife and slashed his own throat.

"Slashed" is a bit harsh-more like "broke the skin." The guards took the knife away, and arranged for the man to have a rest at a local psychiatric facility. No charges will be filed, according to the Post.

As we've reported in the past, you can find a machete in almost every household. Zainool Khan got into an argument with his brother-in-law on New Year's Day, during which he threatened to kill him.

Then Sunday night, the brother-in-law returned to his Cypress Hills apartment to find the place a shambles and a window open. According to the Post, the first thing he did was grab a handy machete and go looking for the perp. He probably wasn't too surprised to find Khan hiding under the bed with a gun.

In a confused effort to flush Khan out, the man began hacking at the bed with the machete. Then Khan shot him in the hand. The wounded man went outside and flagged down a cop.

Khan, still in the house, was arrested shortly thereafter.

And 36-year-old Christopher Nuzzo was arrested on Wednesday after a Nov. 10 incident that helps redefine "sexual frustration." Nuzzo, of Coney Island, walked into a Sunset Park sex emporium and ducked into one of the Live! Nude! Girl! booths (yes, they still exist). But instead of paying attention to the poor stripper behind the glass, the Post reports, he pulled out a length of pipe and attempted to smash open the booth's coin box.

When he failed to do that, he stormed out to the shop's checkout counter, pipe in hand, and began whacking the register.

When that didn't work, he turned on the poor clerk and told him to open it. But wouldn't you know, Nuzzo's efforts with the pipe had dented the machine so badly that no one could open it.

Not about to leave without something at this point, he snatched $200 from a cash box behind the counter and fled.

He's facing criminal mischief, robbery and weapons charges.