I have been "dating"(no sex yet, well maybe a little) a man whom I have had an incredible connection with. I wasn't physically attracted at first, but he made it clear he was and if we spent time together I would be, too. He's an amazing man: kind, romantic, well respected, very creative in many, many ways (musician), treats me with great respect and appreciates the woman I am. We work well together; my affection did grow over time (about nine months), and now we are madly in love.
The problem is he's a polygamist (different than a swinger) and, of course, a Gemini. He's also Muslim and very committed to his faith. Now, when he first told me, I thought no problem: I was not attracted and thought we'd have a great friendship. Now that we are in love, I have to decide to end it or continue. The thought of ending it breaks my heart. We have spent hours talking about his lifestyle and mine, and I have come to understand the place his has and have come to accept it. I am a very contemplative, intellectual person and have done a lot of reading on Islam and polygamy. He's very clear about his intentions to make me his second wife (spiritual union before god, not a legal marriage) and, despite my upbringing, I am considering it on so many levels that it feels right.
He's not the player type; if I want to be with him, I have to make a real commitment. He's planning a night out with his wife and me so we can meet each other. This will either snap me back into reality or be a pleasant surprise. My question to you is: Is it possible for a good decent man to want two wives? Is it also possible for a strong independent woman to truly accept this? Or am I compromising because I am so madly in love. I mean, have I been brainwashed? ?
Willing Wanda
Most men find it hard to be physically true anyways, so what's the difference? (Spare me the bitchy emails, I said "MOST.") At least he's being honest about it. As in, "I am strong enough to care for more than one woman, and I want you to be one of them." Marrying him means you're cool with his ways and don't feel threatened. Nothing lasts forever anyways, and we only live once. If you "marry" him and find out later it's not for you, just leave. As you said, it's not a legal marriage, just a spiritual one. No big deal. Take a chance; love is worth it. Live, love, laugh and do like Janis Joplin says, "Get it while you can!"
My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating, even though I'm not. I want to know how I can stop her from this insulting behavior. Sometimes I work late or go for a few brews with my friends and this prompts a huge amount of questioning and blaming. I love her madly but this has got to stop, or I'm history.
Struggling Steve
Perhaps you should open your eyes a bit more as to what she's up to, why she's so quick to blame. The next time she throws accusations your way, say, "Just like a thief lives in fear of someone stealing from them, a cheater is always afraid their partner is cheating on them. Is that why you keep accusing me?" This should shut her up. If you really are being faithful, and she won't let up, warn her once, then walk.
I have a confession to make: I have been faking orgasms with my boyfriend, and I want to come clean. I'm 34 and he's 27. We've been together for two years, and he has never made me come. But I fake it so well, he thinks I come every time. It started out harmlessly, I just faked the orgasm because he was working so hard at it, and I was getting tired. Now it's a game I have to keep up, and I'm getting sick of it. I can make myself come, but he can't. Please throw me a bone.
Faking Fran
Faking an orgasm is like bombing for peace-or fucking for virginity. It's the most ignorant thing one can do. Just be yourself and you can never go wrong. Telling him you have been faking it will surely end the relationship, so if you want to save it, just stop faking it immediately. When he asks what's wrong, just tell him you're stressed/tired or you feel it's time to try new things in bed. Then, show him how to make you really come. Show him how you make yourself cum. If you really don't give a rat's ass about the relationship, tell him you've been faking; it'll make you feel great to come clean but surely it'll crush him and make you look like a lying asshole. Being brutally honest is empowering and can hurt others, but being too diplomatic and acting is far worse.