Grainy, Fourth-Generation Integrity

On December 4, New York Times reporter Nathan Lee found out how quickly pirated movies hit the streets. That's actually the start of his second paragraph in his Dec. 19 Times article: "I found out on Dec. 4 how quickly pirated movies hit the streets." Nathan discovered a pirate DVD of Closer for sale just one day after it opened in theaters.

How did this yokel manage such a find? As Nathan explains, "This wasn't an entirely innocent observation; I was shopping for bootleg DVDs."

Nathan's being too modest. Nathan was really bidding to become a lackey to the major studios. His Times article is full of the kowtowing that's usually left to the L.A. Times and national entertainment magazines.

He begins by describing DVD bootlegs as "video coal for Christmas." But New Yorkers know that DVD bootlegs are often a video goldmine. It's been that way for over a decade now, back when there were plenty of great finds amongst all those bootleg VHS tapes. I still have fond memories of getting to see the superior original ending of Army of Darkness, as taped from an early test screening.

The first big crackdown came just before the release of Jurassic Park, but bootlegs continue to flourish; the advancements of DVDs and online downloads have only improved the quality. The studios still respond like they did back in 1992, calling in private security and the occasional useful idiot like Nathan Lee. His Times article includes an amazing unquestioned quote from Darcy Antonellis of Warner Bros, who informs Nathan about a Warner employee who bought several bootleg DVDs that were actually blank.

As Antonellis tells the story, "He went back to the vendor and asked for a replacement. He refused and offered his money back. Eventually the vendor confessed that everything he was selling was blank.'

Next week, Nathan will have a Times article where Darcy Antonellis tells us about this couple in a car that was almost murdered by a hook-handed killer.

I have never been sold a blank tape or disc from a movie bootlegger. There's been the occasional wrong disc in a box. Unless you're a tourist like Nathan, of course, that's never a problem. You've got your regular guys on Canal Street or West 125th. Return the disc. They'll take care of you.

When Nathan gets lucky with a bootleg of Hero, he just complains about the dubbing. He also tries to fill up space with some lame meta-criticism about the experience of watching a bootleg movie. It's nothing that others hadn't written about in 1993. Let's give Nathan credit for one thing, though: He scores five DVDs for $20 over at the Union Square subway station. I still have to haggle with my Harlem guys to get that kind of deal.

-J.R. Taylor