He Learned The Truth At 17
It's kind of old news at this point, but it's still the highlight thus far of the 2005 Machete Season. On Friday, May 20, Gaytri Collet, 42, was celebrating her son's 15th birthday in their Sunset Park apartment. Authorities say that just when she got around to cutting the cake, as if on cue, her estranged husband Proboodat Joucoo burst into the place like some really awful party clown. Most party clowns, though (even the bad ones) don't swing machetes around. Joucoo allegedly tried to help her cut the boy's cake, but missed. Then he missed again. In fact, he kept on missing until Ms. Collet's arm was nearly severed.
The party quickly ended, and Joucoo split the scene (clearly ashamed of his poor cake-cutting abilities). He hasn't been seen since. Ms. Collet, at last report, was still in critical condition.
"Performance" and "handling" aside, sometimes those Jaguars'll just get away from you. That's what happened to jittery 45-year-old Donna Dashosh on Sunday. Damn thing just flew into reverse on her like it was possessed, jumped the curb and pinned 20-year-old Adriana Melnichenko at the entrance of the Sheepshead Bay B and Q station. Witnesses jumped into action and heaved the car off the badly injured woman-but once they had, wouldn't you know it? The damn car just sped away!
A couple blocks later Dasosh and her male passenger dumped the car and bolted, but on Monday evening she (along with her parents and lawyer) showed up at the police station to turn herself in. Too bad for her, the Post reports, the silly goose forgot to leave her crack pipe at home. The victim, meanwhile, needed to have her leg amputated below the knee.
Queens resident Kristy Morales, 27, and her boyfriend, like so many other young couples, went out for a few drinks Saturday night. Then, again like so many others, they had a few more. Then the sniping began. Oh, how they argued, even long after they returned home, according to a neighbor. Eventually the pair passed out.
The boyfriend, authorities say, woke up first Sunday morning, and Ms. Morales didn't wake up at all. There were no obvious signs of foul play, but she sure was dead. It's in the M.E.'s hands now.
Seventeen is such an awkward age. Your coordination's off, people look at you funny, it feels like you can't do anything right. No one (this week at least) knows this better than Darian Price. He allegedly came to the attention of neighbors in the Bed-Stuy building where he lives on Sunday when they heard him out in the hall, loudly announcing to anyone who'd listen that he'd just shot himself in the head.
Well, someone had the good sense to call 911, and soon cops and paramedics arrived on the scene. But poor Darian. As if he didn't have trouble enough, not only does he have to live with the shame of having shot himself in the head (badly)-he's been slapped with weapons-possession charges, too!