Keep Street Box Debate Alive, No Matter What Occurs; Slugocki Can't Keep Her Pokes Straight; Carbone's Hottest Bars Are the Snooziest; Misc. Sniping & Grousing; More

Lillian Ann Slugocki changed her lover's name from Harold to Howard midway through her article, "Sex on the Beach" ("Summer Guide," 5/22). Maybe you guys can hire some "factcheckers" away from Penthouse's letter department.

Marlene Stillwater, Manhattan

Now for a Word from a Humorless Hag

I am enraged by the inclusion of Bay Rigby's comic, "The Evolution of Hot Sex," in your Summer Guide issue. First, by the assertion that God created woman as a sex toy for man. Second, by the disrespect lent to several ancient civilizations. What made me angriest was the second-to-last frame, which read, "With the advent of women's liberation, rampant lesbianism, artificial insemination, sperm banks and cloning, men became biologically redundant and masturbated themselves into extinction by the year 2010." I don't know what's wrong with Bay Rigby, but he seriously has his ass stuck in the 19th century.

Women's liberation is far from over, and at its least radical still fights for women's right to have equal pay for equal work, no harrassment, no rape, no sexual assault, and addresses a variety of other grievances. Women's lib has been a fight for women and men to share responsibilities in our world, not to push men into the margins and place oppression on them, or to insult or repress their sexual needs and desires. In fact, one aspect of women's lib is fighting for a woman's right to be erotic and to fulfill her sexual desires and needs. I'm surprised at the blatant homophobia inherent in the statement as well, especially reading it in what is supposed to be an independent NYC newspaper. What is "rampant lesbianism" anyway? I assure you there are as many queer men as there are queer women in the world. Along with a woman's right to express her sexual needs comes her right to have sex with whomever she chooses. Bay Rigby seems to believe that lesbians exist merely to spite men. Women don't become lesbians from hating men; in fact very few lesbians hate men at all. What they hate is the way society socializes women and men. And if he seems to believe that women are lesbians because they hate men, then he is indirectly recognizing the need for more men to respect women.

Finally to "artificial insemination, sperm banks and cloning": first, yes artificial insemination and sperm banks are used by women loving women to have the children they want to raise in warm, loving, caring households, but such procedures are also implemented by women in heterosexual marriages who have no other way to get pregnant. As for cloning, I don't know what the hell he's talking about because no human has as of yet been cloned, and I seriously doubt it will happen legally before 2010.

The only good thing about the piece is the final frame, which at least almost recognizes that if people were allowed to love who they wanted and were less oppressed there might be more peace in the world.

I think it's high time that whoever chooses the content for New York Press starts looking at how what he allows in will offend people. And I'm assuming that person is male because no woman would ever allow such a comic strip to reach those pages. New York Press, you have embarrassed yourself in the inclusion of such an offensive piece.

I can assure you that my habit of rarely reading the Press will continue after this issue.

Hannah Haley, Manhattan

The editors reply: It takes a real self-righteous idiot to get so worked up about a cartoon strip. A cartoon strip. If Ms. Haley chooses not to read us (after she checks this issue to see if her letter runs, of course), that's all to the good. She can always pick up the Voice, the weekly of choice for narrowminded p.c. harridans.

Bitch

Could the Christopher Carbone gay pickup story have been more boring ("Summer Guide," 5/22)? And written in a typically prissy, fabulous-and-I-know-it way too. Please. Next time don't send a boy to do a man's job.

J. Clark, Brooklyn

Christmas? Chanukah? Which?

MUGGER: I'm a fan of Peter Beinart (I don't know if he's Jewish and I don't care), but I read the article you referenced and it struck me as painfully peculiar (5/15). More to the point, politicized. Yes, I'd rather we didn't insert religion into the argument for Israel's existence; we can view the Jewish nation as a necessary outpost against anti-Semitism (I wish it weren't so, but unfortunately this reality won't die) but also as a cultural/national movement by a people who have always lived in the region (albeit in much smaller numbers), once reigned in the region and who have always had a longing to return, certainly as evidenced in their religious/prayer tradition.

I'm half Jewish and half Catholic, so I understand the common bond between the religions. Israel's case for self-defense seems obvious to me but much of the liberal press has hedged in its argument. They keep referencing the occupation that Israel did not choose?it was attacked. I've found conservative cases far more logical and rational. Maybe I'm naive but I haven't picked up on the Christian right turning this into a religious war. I watch Alan Keyes all the time and his arguments make perfect sense to me. The way I read that article was Peter Beinart being afraid of Jews supporting Republicans. He should breathe easy. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but pretty much all of my Jewish friends (with a couple of exceptions) seem rigidly and often uncritically attached to the Democratic Party. Since I can't choose, I stay out of the shuffle. Anyway, I really enjoyed the article you wrote, keep up the good work!

Tammi Weinstein, Forest Hills

Let's Just Lop Off Florida

MUGGER: I love your line about moving the Montreal Expos to Havana ("e-MUGGER," 5/21). Like you say, after Jeb Bush is reelected governor of Florida maybe we can finally dump so much American kitsch on Cuba that Fidel will feel like an overwrought manager of a Wal-Mart store.

John Brechue, Lakeland, FL

We'd Vote for Him

MUGGER: I'm going to campaign for you to replace Bud Selig as baseball commissioner, as you obviously know more about baseball than he does. I agree Expos would draw better in Havana.

R.E. Bement, Longview, TX

We're On It

I could not agree more with your introduction to Summer Guide, which defends street newsboxes endangered by Councilmember Eva Moskowitz's bill to "regulate" them (5/22). But what the piece did not stress, however, is that Moskowitz and others supporting these draconian demands are trying to get around the First Amendment rights and protection of these newsboxes by claiming they're a pedestrian safety hazard, which they most definitely are not.

And no one has been more concerned than I've been, for literally decades, in overcoming threats to pedestrian safety, about which the city's Transportation Dept. has done little or nothing except to blame walkers. I'm now partially disabled, and as I've often written, and testified about at the last City Council hearing on this bill (I wasn't aware of the earlier one), I've yet to find a newsbox occupying the crosswalk or curb cut as claimed by their critics, or indeed ever found them to impede my progress or in any way threaten my safety.

I rarely find them "unsightly and filthy," as also claimed by Moskowitz, DOT commish Weinshall and other critics; in fact, their lollipop colors add a friendly touch to the otherwise impersonal and monotone cityscape look.

But that's not the point. I hope you will write again, stressing the specious public safety-threat argument, and urge your readers to do likewise in their communication to elected officials. And contact editors and columnists who've been strangely silent on this bill that could so greatly harm or even destroy their publications. I suspect most New Yorkers aren't even aware of this legislation. Only a relative handful attend civic meetings where they'd learn about it from local officials or a few core people who unfairly set the agenda for the majority and claim to represent them. Often quite unjustly, and in this case, extremely so. We have yet to learn that old lesson, that all it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to remain silent.

Bette Dewing, Manhattan

Wiener Sniggle

RE "A Summer Guide for the Well-Endowed Man" ("Summer Guide," 5/22). If Ned Vizzini really had a large cock he would know that Magnums are not "almost humorously large" but the right size for anyone eight inches or larger. Furthermore, he doesn't even mention Magnum XL, the condom of choice for men with real meat. You should have asked the girls on this one.

Andrew Levas, Munich, Germany

But It Was Really About A Blowjob

Please let George Tabb know that it wasn't a sex act that led to Bubba's impeachment ("Daily Billboard," 5/20), it was lying to the grand jury, suborning witnesses and other crimes too numerous to mention. I'm surprised he didn't know that. It was in all the papers.

Evelyn Palmeri, Flagler Beach, FL

Clinton

In response to the World Trade Center horror, George Bush declared a crusade on the "evildoers" and indulged our taste for revenge. But there will be consequences. Surely no one doubts there are more people alive today who are angry enough to sacrifice their lives to kill Americans than there were prior to September 11.

George Bush is egging the "evildoers" on and daring them to attack. When they do, and of course they will, whom will we blame? George Bush or the Americans who support him?

Geoff Staples and David Taffet, Dallas

Poisonwood Horoscope

How am I supposed to ever read Caeriel again when the Taurus horoscope starts out, "One of my heroes, the brilliant author Barbara Kingsolver..." ("Sign Language," 5/15)? I'm not even a Taurus but there it was, right at the top when I clicked on horoscope! Now I am one distraught Aries.

Karol Sheinin, Manhattan

Imbycill

Ariel Sharon has "butchered" more people than Idi Amin in Uganda, Pol Pot in Cambodia, Deng Xiaoping in Tibet and dozens of other tyrants? What kind of history books from the 50s, 60s, 70s and even 80s is Gwyllm Llwydd reading in Cardiff, Wales ("The Mail," 5/22)? At least Britain can take comfort knowing the Prince of Wales has at least one subject who's a dumber fuck than he is.

Michael Modes, Seattle

Where Ya Been, Luis?

MUGGER: You wrote, "I no longer waste time reading Paul Krugman's op-ed columns in The New York Times" ("e-MUGGER," 5/21). I get the same feeling you get when you read Paul Krugman when I read your articles in New York Press. Your "MUGGER" column is probably the most hypocritical reading one can get here in NYC.

Luis Vazquez, Manhattan

Russ Smith replies: But, apparently, you still read it. Knock it off.

Oh, Go Drink a Zima, Matt

Mr. Tabb: Your "Daily Billboard" on 5/20 about Hillary "playing politics" is so insightful. Do you consider yourself "enlightened" now? Do you drop that one at parties and really shock your fellow numbnut liberal cronies with your cutting-edge political insight? Your hard-nosed brand of journalism is sure to blow the lid off the venerable Clinton dynasty.

Matthew Carpenter, Manhattan

You Should Read Cockburn More Often

MUGGER: Apparently you missed the Hardball segment where Dick Armey advocates for the ethnic cleansing of the West Bank and Gaza of all non-Jews. This is the type of moral lapse that Peter Beinart is opposed to. There are many toadies for Israel in the press (including you) and in politics. What Beinart protests is their lack of consistency in moral matters including reflexive, total support for Sharon and other odious Israeli leaders.

Name Withheld, via e-mail

Russ Smith replies: No, I didn't miss Armey's appearance on Hardball. And no, Armey wasn't advocating "ethnic cleansing," certainly not in the way that term has come to be understood. He said, and later backed off from it, that there are many Arab countries that could take in the Palestinians. Not surprisingly, you missed the point of my column. Which was: Beinart, a committed Democrat, was using the "moral" question of Evangelicals supporting Israel because he's afraid Bush will not only firm up his base of Christian-right voters, but double his percentage of Jewish voters as well. If that happens, as Beinart knows, it'll be that much harder for the Democrats to regain the White House in 2004.

We Did

The brief essay "Put Them Out of Our Misery" ("Billboard," 5/22) was hilarious, and describes an event that has occurred to me on dozens of occasions. But the essay was anonymous?who wrote it?

Susan Furneaux, Manhattan

Decipher Letter, Win New York Press Hat

"What did the Times know" ("e-MUGGER," 5/21)?leads me somewhat off track to the public request by the Duchess of New York (aka Hillary Clinton)?as to "what did the Administration know, and when"?regarding terrorist warnings. The psychological file in this writer's cerebrum?holds The Monstrosity of Verbosity (aka The New York Times) data, along with those of Hillary and reputed Husband?adjacent to one another. My question to the Duchess is: What did Bill and you know, and when did either or both of you know it? [Of course; presumably, the Duchess does not remember?being a victim of 'Former First Lady Amnesia'. Perhaps, Congress can engage a hypnotist?to help her remember the truth about terrorism-knowledge, and so very many other things.]

Nancy Joyce Jancourtz, Brooklyn

No Gore in '04, Puh-Leeze

MUGGER: Great commentary! I stopped wasting my time on the Times a long time ago. As for your query, "I still can't figure out what the beef is with Sen. Robert Torricelli?although I suspect he's the 'wrong' kind of Italian politician," I have an answer for you. After the 2000 presidential election and the subsequent recounts, but before the Supreme Court stepped in, I caught Bob Torricelli on a few of the cable news shows pleading for Al Gore to stop the madness and step aside already. The Senator was disgusted with the Gore camp's call for more recounts and he said so. In his opinion, and in at least half the country's, Gore and his supporters were causing immeasurable damage to the election process. That, my friend, is why the liberals and their propaganda juggernauts can't stand him and viciously seek his demise.

Kate Hamilton, Anchorage

Genius

The notion of a $150 tax on all visitors to NYC is simply a stroke of madcap genius ("e-MUGGER," 5/21). Here's the deal: New York City taxes every man, woman and child in the United States $150 per head in advance every year. Then they take the loot and lend it to the federal government and put it in Al Gore's "Lockbox." At the end of the year, if you haven't visited New York you get a "carryover" until next year because you haven't used up your pass. If you visited, then you have to pay another $150 in advance for the next year. New York keeps your money working for the federal government and in a couple of years the whole City of New York and the entire federal government is operating on the interest generated by the head tax. I e-mailed Hillary about this and she is pumped.

I tried running the numbers but my calculator started bouncing around on my desk and finally exploded from the sheer weight of the figures. I'm sure this will work and it could be bigger than the hula hoop. Damn, don'tcha love it when a plan comes together? I forgot to add that after 10 years of fees, you get complimentary Yankees season tickets. I'm sure the snowball effect hasn't been lost on you. Just think of how many jobs this will create.

Tracy Meadows, Brenham, TX

Apain N. Theass

MUGGER: You wrote: "Let's face facts: Internet spam, in addition to campaign advertisements by both liberal and conservative advocacy organizations, should be protected by the First Amendment" (5/15).

Facts? Oh really? I'm running for dog catcher this year, I hope you don't mind all the stickers I plan to plaster your car and home with...don't even try to stop me, as you say, these campaign advertisements should be protected by the First Amendment.

Remember the saying: You may have freedom of speech, but I have the freedom not to listen? When you try to shout your message into my ear, that's when we have a problem.

You wrote: "As far as I'm concerned, it's just as easy to press the delete button on your computer as it is, say, to click the remote away from Peter Jennings' ABC World News Tonight." Oh really? One of my e-mail accounts that I've had since 1993 gets about 1500 attempts at spam per day. I say attempts, as I have very effective spam filters that keep all but a couple out. If you had to click your tv remote 1500 times to get away from Peter Jennings, you'd probably start to see the problem.

"One person's spam is another's caviar: I delete all the come-ons for sex with goats, noxious propaganda from left-wing websites and lower-your-mortgage messages. But make them illegal? I don't think so." You don't? How about you click delete on my 1500 spams? You may find some of your "caviar" in them. It will only take a minute for me to have them forwarded to your account. Care to partake?

"Besides, some e-mail is extraordinarily entertaining." Oh, you'll be entertained all right...even if you're fast at reading the subjects and hitting delete, say five seconds per? You'll be "entertaining" yourself for more than two hours each day, that's 14 hours each week spent deleting spam. You ready to give it a go, Russ?

Apost M. Aster, Branford, CT

Okay, Coop

Gino Petralli, the mustachioed kid catcher from California who was playing for the Texas Rangers at the time, could pull Clemens' fastball down the rightfield line into the seats ("e-MUGGER," 5/21). He was one of the few who could get under Roger's skin by making him mad?so that the kid would get a heater right over the inside corner, and he'd be waiting for it. Don't get me wrong. Clemens is one of the greatest pitchers in baseball. But Petralli's batting was one of the most undersung. As was John Lowenstein, who was another who could see a fastball?and crush it. You can always fill space, if you have to, with opinion from this corner.

Bob Cooper, Irving, TX

The Dems Made Bush Read The Memo

MUGGER: Congratulations to the Democrats. Thanks to their lackeys in the liberal news media, they finally have their scandal to remove President Bush, a decent and honorable man, from power. The Democrats really don't have to do very much as long as they have their lapdogs in the liberal media to do their bidding. May they both rot together.

Gary Cohen, Staten Island

Taylor's a Dumbo

RE J.R. Taylor's "Survival of the Financially Fittest" ("Daily Billboard," 5/14). The alleged antipoaching operation run by the "African Rainforest and Rivers Conservation Organization" with funding from the "Hans Wasmoeth Wildlife Foundation" should worry observers for a lot more reasons than just the "slippery slope" of charities becoming involved in shooting wars.

For starters, the allegedly U.S.-based "African Rainforest and Rivers Conservation Organization" does not seem to exist. It certainly has not ever filed IRS Form 990, as U.S. nonprofit organizations are supposed to do?you can check this in minutes at www.guidestar.org.

In addition, the "Hans Wasmoeth Wildlife Foundation" seems to have no verifiable existence. The only person involved with this project whose existence we have been able to verify is Kenyan wildlife photographer Karl Amman. Amman is well known throughout the international conservation community, and is known to us as sincere and serious?but he does not necessarily have a clue who he is involved with or what their real motives are.

Some individuals have covertly worked both sides of the ivory wars, most notoriously in connection with "Operation Lock," a paramilitary antipoaching force formed and funded in 1987 by former World Wildlife Fund international president Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands?who was himself reportedly accused of poaching at one point, for overshooting a bird quota in Italy.

As a 1995 South African judicial inquiry established, the former apartheid government funded covert military operations from 1977 into the 1980s via elephant poaching in Angola and possibly Zaire and Burundi.

Operation Lock hired personnel believed to have been from the same South African units. They did not accomplish anything verifiable to stop poaching. However, before disbanding in 1989, Operation Lock used at least £75,000 of Bernhard's £500,000 investment to buy rhino horn?which then disappeared.

Before anyone accepts the alleged "African Rainforest and Rivers Conservation Organization" project as really being what it claims to be, a lot more about it needs to be flushed out into the open. There needs to be some real accountability involved with it, not just namedropping. And even then, what it is doing is indeed a "slippery slope," as we pointed out in reference to many previous projects of a similar nature on page one of our April 1998 edition.

J.R. Taylor, incidentally, insinuated that PETA was somehow involved. Not likely. PETA might approve of the tactics, but has never been involved in African wildlife conservation, and has had only tangential involvement with wildlife issues anywhere. The PETA focus has always been on animals kept in captivity for human use, chiefly as food, fur or in connection with biomedical research.

Merritt Clifton, Clinton, WA

You Mean Like Brugmann?

I wrote you way back during the run-up to the 2000 election, and now that so much has happened since, and because it is often hard to remember to check back on your latest ruminations, I am happy to be back and basking in your unusual and wonderful lyrical writing style.

As a San Francisco Bay Arean, I could say that your column is reminiscent of Herb Caen's, who instead would drop names of SF socialites and other intolerables. I love the bold sections of your column because it provides landmarks as I go down the page.

Fascinated by what you say about Jewish Americans temporarily turning Republican. I really hope Bush gets another term, if only for the torment it will bring my myriad liberal Bay Area friends and musician-types.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you continue to impress me and I'll try to come back often.

Christopher J. Martin, Redwood City, CA

Descended from Daniel?

MUGGER: It has come to me that I should write some thoughts I have been experiencing and send them abroad into the land. Due to the fact that I know a Southern rebel of an irritating quality, I have been musing on the fact that the hierarchy of the American Catholic Church has so far escaped investigation and possible prosecution for RICO violations. And that is an amazing situation.

Homosexual Catholic priests have sodomized little boys for decades in this country. When the pervert is about to be fully exposed and punished, the leadership of the Catholic Church moves the queer to another location and the heat fades away at the scene of the crime. But crimes of the exact same nature are committed soon after at the new location. The boy rapists get right back to their chosen pastime. After a while, the hierarchy has to move them somewhere else. And the beat goes on and on and on.

But this moving around of queer priests in order to escape punishment and deny legal due process for victims of their homosexuality is a crime in itself. The Congress of the United States made such activity a crime when they passed legislation creating the RICO laws. This instance is a conspiracy to engage in interstate flight to avoid prosecution. And the hierarchy of the Catholic Church is as guilty as any bank robber caught in the act. If a mafioso were to do this, the arrests would follow immediately. And I say the arrests should follow with the hierarchy of the Catholic Church. Simple as that.

Further insanity of modern times has come to my attention. PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has pressured the NBA and the NCAA into using synthetic materials for their basketballs and footballs. Their next avowed target is the NFL. They want no game balls made from leather. This, they say, prevents horrible mistreatment of animals. And I say, "Bullshit!"

There are no animals raised in this country to produce leather for game balls. The animals are raised for people to eat! Steaks and porkchops and hamburger and sausage and all those good things. The hides, which can be used for shoes and belts and clothing and expensive game balls and other things, are a by-product of what is raised for food! And the synthetic materials that are being considered are "oil" source goods and are pollution-generating to even produce.

What is going on with the sanity of the people of this country? Are the big cities so far removed from the land that the inhabitants don't even know why there is leather for certain articles of everyday life? Don't they know that meat is a marvelous source of protein?

America is going through some strange changes. Some ridiculous changes. Common sense is leaving us. We are in trouble. But, I reckon most people know that.

Michael Boone, Williams, IN