Lion's Head Tavern

Name: Gus Hookanson

Bartends at: Lion's Head Tavern,995 Amsterdam Ave. (109th St.),212-866-1030

Favorite Movie: The Big Lebowski

Favorite Band as a Teenager: Kiss

Favorite Canceled tv Show: Good Times

Hookanson. I take it that's not an Irish name. [Laughs] It's Swedish. But like most bartenders in this city, I'm now mostly Irish.

And you came here from Chicago? I went from Chicago to the University of Wisconsin. From there to here.

What can you tell us jaded New Yorkers about Chicago? Chicago? Open, warm, friendly. New York? Quicker paced, definitely more grungy, defensive.

And the people in New York? Far more street savvy than Chicago. And I know Chicagoans would be bitching and moaning if they heard me say that.

And Chicago girls? Blond, busty, bubbly. New York girls: eccentric, dark-haired, intelligent.

The bartender's preference? I'm equal opportunity, but I do tend to go with the blondes.

What brought you from Wisconsin to New York? Like every other bartender or waiter, I wanted to be an actor. And for a New York bartender, it's either actor or writer. Or model. Or "insert cliché here."

And was there a moment that made you switch gears from acting? The whole business in general. The whole schmooze. Which is so total bullshit. Nobody's real. You balance it with [bartending], where everybody's real-at least the majority of the time. So I don't have the one horror story, like the bad audition, where the casting director said, "Now take off your pants."

Speak for yourself on that one. I just became disenchanted with the industry as a whole. And the frustration, I guess. The constant rejection. But I'm not totally out of it. I still do voiceovers from time to time.

Did you audition for anything we might recognize? Debbie Does Dallas on Broadway. NYPD Blue a million times because, you know, I have the thug look.

Much like myself. Oz, when there was Oz. I got a list of a million things I didn't get.

What's funny about this conversation is that there are so many people who dream of being bartenders. People also never really walked a mile in a bartender's shoes. People have this idea that it's a party all the time. It's not. What it is, you're babysitting drunken adults who act like children. A lot of people aren't like that. But the reality is, a lot of people are like that.

And the biggest myth about bartenders is- We don't get laid every night. We don't drink and get loaded on the job. Most of us. But the big thing is, "the bartender always gets laid." No. And if people have ever been in a bar at four o'clock and looked around, and seen what was left over? [Laughs] You wouldn't want to get laid!

You shatter my illusions. You must have at least one story of getting action from- I'll plead the fifth on that one.

And fights? We don't have a lot of fights here. We run a pretty tight ship. And being sober on the job, you know what's going on. But they do happen. And it's a pain in the ass. Because you want to police it yourself, but in this day and age, you have to bring the cops in.

Because you'll get sued. Plus you're putting your life in there.

You could lose an eye. You never know what someone's going to do.

And can you size a bastard up when he comes in, and know he's trouble? For me it's intuition, because I've been doing this a million years.

What's the sign? You can just tell. They're visibly intoxicated. Or they're really loud. Or combative. Or all of the above. Sometimes you have to say, "Look. I just can't serve you."

This is a Columbia bar, but there's a much different vibe here from that place up the street that keeps getting shut down. Overall, it's been nothing but positive. We get the grad students. We get the people who know how to conduct themselves, who've been to a bar before. You can go to the other place, and they cater to a younger clientele. And you see, people don't know how to act when they're out. People get so inebriated that they make asses out of themselves. Common sense goes out the window. Not that I haven't been there.

And when can our readers find you here? Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturday days.

I have to tell the readers that I once came in here completely broke and you bought me a Pabst. That's pretty damn righteous for a New York bartender. No problem. Just get me the next time.

-Gregory Gilderman