Liquid Tapedeck vs. Vizzini; Cannibal Corpse and Kerry Thornley, Cockburn and McVeigh; Pollack's Philly; MUGGER's Hardball Predictions
Awesome! Must see! Better then Cats! That Andrew Baker ("Paid Per View: On the Net, Sex is Recession-Proof," 4/11) really knows how to capture a story! He deserves a raise.
Jay Servidio, Teleteria.com, Manhattan
So Solly
MUGGER: Your column (4/11) about the Chinese standoff and The Weekly Standard was dead on. Great job.
Mike Hollaway, Lexington, KY
Oh, Them
William S. Repsher wrote in his 4/11 online "Billboard" piece that Willie Stargell's demise (too early, at age 61) "feels like the first death of a 70s sports superstar that was far too soon." No offense to fans of Pops Stargell, but what about Pete Maravich? Walter Payton? Catfish Hunter? Vitas Gerulaitis?
Andrew Milner, Bryn Mawr, PA
Casiotone Nation
I am one of the power-art geniuses in the Liquid Tapedeck and I am writing in to kick Ned Vizzini's little ass. In his write-up for our recent show ("Since When?" 4/11), he wrote many preposterously false things about us. Example: "The Liquid Tapedeck don't have much to offer in the way of talent or competence; they make noise on Casio keyboards, theremins and guitars..."
How would this punk know our level of talent if he's never heard our music? Does he possess ESP? (He asked for sound samples, but we have none yet.) We do not make noise in any way. We create beautiful melodies that make flowers grow and babies smile. We create serious supermetal that makes rock lovers smash their Pantera and Iron Maiden records. And we create avant-classical suites that make your brain grow 23 percent with each listen!
And every member of the band is a fantastic singer and multi-instrumentalist who plays a wide variety of instruments, from violin to drums to piano. (Our main keyboard is a $500 Yamaha something or other; we seldom use the $50 Casio.)
And if this isn't enough, six different writers at New York Press have praised us on previous occasions, from David Grad to Queen Itchie, because they recognized our massive talent. George Tabb, after seeing our lead singer Math Jokes (aka the legendary "Soy Bomb") sabotage the punk/metal karaoke show by unplugging the bassist's guitar and then french-kissing him during "Anarchy in the UK," yelled out, "Now that's punk rock!"
Vizzini also implies that having a song like our "Cops SUCK" somehow proves we lack talent, but its lyrics alone confirm our extraordinary intellectual virility: "Low IQ/High DWI/You must be one of those 'commies' if you dare to ask why/Raping streetwalkers and stealing dealers' drugs/Lock your doors everyone, cuz here comes the Fuzz!"
This is much more potent than the gay shit by dorks like Rage Against the Machine. (Ned probably likes Tool!)
As for Ned's gushing praise for our literature and artwork, he is completely correct. Now, if he publicly retracts his negative comments, we won't set him on fire.
Peter Etc., the Liquid Tapedeck, Manhattan
Lucky Guess
Hi, my name is Ashley, and I am an intern at Empire Goodness, the mega-conglomerate parent company of the Liquid Tapedeck, and I want to say that I was horrified by Ned Vizzini's preview of the band's 4/12 show. (To think?I let the creep take my picture!)
Ned has never, ever heard a second of the band's music, yet has the gall to claim it is "noise," and that the band is lacking in "talent" and "competence"! What a ridiculous thing to say! Did he just make this up or what?
In fact, I'll have you know the Tapedeck are supermetal rock-art wizards who play everything from grand piano to fretless bass in their concerts and have prog-rock chops up the wazoo! Accusing the Tapedeck of having little talent is therefore akin to claiming Tiger Woods doesn't know how to play golf!
I am very hurt to know that in our new millennium, people still have the nerve to attack things they know nothing about!
I am now going to tell all my friends that Ned Vizzini has syphilis, even though I do not know that he does!
Ashley Waterston, Empire Goodness, Manhattan
Ned Vizzini replies: I did listen to Liquid Tapedeck's music, on an MP3 I got from a friend of mine. And it does suck.
Hesher Hesher Hesher
Thank you for allowing a feature concerning death metal (Mike Bruno, "Music," 4/11) to make its way into New York Press without containing the word "hesher."
Sam Justice, Culver City, CA
All Aboard
I just finished reading the 4/11 New York Press, and let me say how impressed I am by the quality of the writing. The articles were not only entertaining, but well-written. I was particularly entertained by the piece about Arthur Stilwell the railroad magnate (William Bryk, "Old Smoke"). This is the first time I've ever seen your newspaper, and I will keep an eye out for it in the future.
Joe Marriott, via Internet
Kerry Unusual
What a mindblower to see Kerry Thornley referenced in John Strausbaugh's 4/12 online "Billboard" item. If he's still alive I'd be shocked, but that would be in the normal course of events surrounding him. If he's dead, he ought to have been (could still be?) the subject of a Michael Yockel "Obituary" column.
I hired Thornley to work as a dishwasher in a restaurant where I was the assistant manager, while I did graduate work at Emory in the mid-1980s. He was not just a major figure in JFK conspiracy circles (he was a platoon-mate of Oswald's in the Marines, and testified before the Warren Commission), but was also a key figure in the Church of the Sub-Genius. And even the glimpses of his life I was privy to were of the too-bizarre-to-be-made-up variety.
Get Strausbaugh to work on this.
R. Brooks, Cleveland
It Takes a Train to Cry
I hope that Tony Leonardo ("New York City," 4/11) is a young writer, just beginning his career. His piece on the subway accident was a textbook example of good reporting. For a couple of minutes I was back in New York City, waiting on the platform for my train (and I live in Alaska now, so that's quite a trip!). He gave all the information, and presented it in a well-thought-out way, with an immediacy that is lacking in almost all "writing" in newspapers these days. Good job!
Jack Gold, via Internet
Gale-Force Bull
Re: Russ Smith's vile 4/4 celebration of animal cruelty in "MUGGER": He loved the bull's kicking, even as the blood was pouring from the poor animal. He raves when the bull is stuck with a stiletto and stabbed twice in the temple. And he practically orgasms after the dragging and horrific death of this sweet, sentient being. How do we know that Russ Smith isn't torturing and killing animals in his own home?
I hope Russ Smith dies of cancer. He's such garbage.
Matt Gale, Manhattan
Dick Short?
MUGGER: I see that Time magazine printed up a big "Special Report" on global warming and has gone so far as to show a cover of the Earth frying like an egg in a frying pan, just like the old classic antidrug ad a few years ago. But we should remember that Time is an ultraliberal rag, so this shouldn't surprise me. After all, we would not be hearing about global warming if we had Al Gore, the liar, in office.
Dick Short, via Internet
MUGGER Really Satisfies
MUGGER: I have not seen That's My Bush!, so I cannot say whether your comment is correct or not (4/11). But it amazes me that nobody has asked why Comedy Central did not come up with That's My Bill! during the previous administration. Imagine the potential for sleazy, raucous, savage comedy. Imagine Bill and Monica. Bill and the Chinese. Bill and Al. Bill and Hillary. Bill all by himself. Talk about God's gift to comedy writers.
And hell will freeze solid before we see anything like it. Oh, well. At least we have MUGGER.
Fred Butzen, Chicago
Plum Crazy
I'm delighted by George Szamuely's assurance ("Taki's Top Drawer," 4/11) that Bosnia is firmly in our hands. This colony will assure America's supply of slivovitz for the next thousand years.
But what is the next target to be? Djibouti looks ripe for the plucking. I hope George can find the time to research this project and report back to us. I've heard that they have three or four trees back up in the hills somewhere?an obvious target for our timber interests.
Speaking as a patriot, my appetite is whetted. I yearn for more such triumphs. Bosnia today, Djibouti tomorrow. What colonial goodies beckon in the years beyond? Chad? Tierra del Fuego? Mali? Lower Damdreeryland? If George is having problems with his library privilege, I stand ready to lend him the funds to purchase a 2001 almanac. His insights are unique. I impatiently await the results of his researches.
John N. Frary, New Brunswick
Erik the Miking
William S. Repsher: Great article about Erik the archivist ("Music," 4/11). It included interesting and informative information. Rock on, man.
Hunter Wiley, Charlotte, NC
Innie or Outie?
Loved Petra Dickenson's "Newspeak: Diversity" ("Taki's Top Drawer," 4/4), but isn't the phrase "inner minds" redundant?
Irwin Chusid, Hoboken
Evil Empire
After watching the fallout over Alexander Cockburn's 3/28 "Wild Justice" column about Timothy McVeigh, I felt the need to stick up for him (Cockburn, that is).
The misplaced righteousness of too many ignorant Americans drives me crazy. These people wouldn't recognize a double standard if it exploded next door. Americans love to celebrate and honor their heroic military men, while history proves these are just "legal" mass murderers, who killed plenty of civilians, both intentionally and accidentally. Americans inherently are hypocrites enjoying the ill-gotten gains of their preferred mass murderers, who killed Indians, Mexicans and anyone else who stood in their way, in order to steal this land. And so McVeigh's critics are clueless liars.
I saw a nice poem about McVeigh somewhere, entitled "What Is Irony?" It read, "if you train someone to kill, well, maybe they will," and that also sums up the situation pretty nicely. If he had killed innocent Arabs, we'd be giving him a medal.
Further irony: those 168 victims in Oklahoma would be alive today if our society eradicated its official hypocrisy, as seen in the Waco and Ruby Ridge fiascoes.
James Carpio, Manhattan
McBray
The Alexander Cockburn column on Timothy McVeigh was insipid, condescending and not worth my time, except that I felt sorrow at his outlook on life. What a waste.
Marilyn Howard, Salt Lake City
Our Mouth, His Ears
Apparently Genius George Bush was only waiting for Alexander Cockburn's iconoclastic diatribe against the findings of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change ("Wild Justice," 3/14) to provide cover for his denunciation of support for curbing the United States' emissions of carbon dioxide and other heat-trapping gases. When the Cheney "energy crisis" task force releases its findings, one shouldn't be surprised if they advocate more pollution instead of less, since, according to Cockburn and his "knowledgeable" advisor, Pierre Sprey, a healthy dose of aerosols will promote more rain. Rain will deplete the atmosphere of water vapor, "the single largest factor in the heating and cooling of the earth."
Cockburn, a person with generally impeccable environmental instincts, should consider the ecosystem implications of the global warming policy debate. Carbon dioxide is similar to the spotted owl, except it is an indicator gas instead of species. The overabundance of CO2 emissions by the United States vis-a-vis the rest of the world is symptomatic of an economic imbalance with potentially catastrophic environmental and social consequences. The IPCC's report is science, and its conclusions, despite the skepticism of the former Pentagon analyst, Sprey, give strong support to embracing the "precautionary principle" with respect to reducing greenhouse gas emissions. In the ecosystem context, a policy of lower reliance on fossil fuel in the United States is fundamental to worldwide ecological stability.
Owen Cox, White Pigeon, MI
Apropos of?
Ariel Sharon is trying to protect the state of Israel from the real scumbag, Yasir Arafat, not to mention assorted Islamic Jihad, Hamas and DFLP types. You should keep that in mind.
Bill Pearlman, Chicago
Latin Love
Though my snobbish heart rejoices when Taki trounces illiterates ("Top Drawer," 4/4), le maître must not have checked his Horace in quoting from Carmina, 1,9: "Vides ut alta stet nive candidum, Socrate..."
In my book there is no comma after "candidum," thus the following proper noun is not a direct address to some later-born Socrates; in fact, the word has been misspelled. It should be "Soracte," and is evidently the name (in the ablative case) of a mountain: "See how the white snow stands on high Soract (-us?)."
Marion Sawyer, Manhattan
Coxsackie?
I just finished reading Christen Clifford's "Sex and Violence" ("First Person," 3/7). I very much liked her writing. She seemed honest with herself, and therefore honest with her readers. Too often, those with tastes that others look down on are repressed. There was a tone of fulfilling her desires and fulfilling her sexual thirsts, and it was hot.
You should let her attempt more articles. She has something to say and is brave enough to say it in print. It's rare for the two to mix so well.
Name Withheld, Coxsackie, NY
Palma d'Or
This is a message to Armond White. What I would like to ask Mr. White (whose reviews I read every week?the film section in New York Press is the best I know in American publications) is if he is going to write an article about Brian De Palma in one of the upcoming issues of the paper, since there is a De Palma retrospective coming up at the American Museum of the Moving Image (where Mr. White will discuss Blow Out with several other critics, as far as I know). Since I have the impression that Mr. White is a big De Palma admirer (as I am), I would really love to read what he has to say about the director's body of work?and the upcoming retrospective right there in New York is a very good occasion for such an article, I think. So please, Mr. White, give all the De Palma fans out there the pleasure of reading something good about this underrated director!
Thanks a lot!
Kai Mihm, Frankfurt
Okie with Potential
MUGGER: I really enjoy your political insight, but your baseball analysis (4/4) is really flawed. There is no question that the Cubs, not the Mets, will represent the National League in the Series this year, and they, not the Red Sox, will prevail.
Incidentally, my dad took me to my first game in 1951, and we saw Mickey Mantle play centerfield for the Yankees. I could tell that this rookie was really good, but I recall my dad just being mad that Joe DiMaggio was resting that day.
Thomas O'Toole, St. Louis
Darn Sox
MUGGER: While your political opinions are generally reliable, I fear that your obsession with the Red Sox has completely warped your views on baseball. Don Zimmer is one of the grand old men of the game. Bill Lee, in contrast, is a notorious drug addict, and it beggars belief that he remembers anything about the 1978 season, let alone the farcical notion that Zim threw the season in order to get a cushy job with the Yankees. Perhaps if the Spaceman had concentrated more on baseball than on playing tiddlywinks with the fans in the bleachers, the Red Sox might have actually won the pennant that year. But concentrating on baseball is obviously a tough thing to do when you're strung out all the time.
Likewise, your defense of Red Sox management is ludicrous. The hallmark of that management over the years has been the great players who got away (e.g., Clemens, Vaughn), not the great ones who were brought on board. In other words, it's the precise opposite of George Steinbrenner's management style, which?I know it kills you to admit this?has been reasonably successful recently.
Finally, Roger Clemens is a great man and a great competitor. He will be retired and in the Hall of Fame before your beloved, pathetic Red Sucks so much as get a whiff of a pennant, let alone a World Series.
Stan Bowker, via Internet
Good Shepherd
MUGGER: Your 4/11 mention of The Last Picture Show moved me to write and tell you that you are most definitely a man of taste. I have always been singularly blown away by that film, and in fact recommended it to someone just yesterday. I once, in my obsession, wrote down the numbers of the state roads featured on the main drag and found the location on a map of Texas. Cybill Shepherd was perfect in that film; it wasn't a stretch for her to play that hateful character, and I could never stand her since. And the soundtrack.
The only film I've ever found ever to compare in terms of casting, cinematography and subtle power was The Swimmer, starring Burt Lancaster. It was filmed in my hometown of Weston, CT. I had friends who grew up in some of the featured houses.
Dave Foster, via Internet
No Egg-Drop Soup for You
MUGGER: I was just thinking the other day of John Paul Jones' request to the Continental Congress: "Give me a fast ship, for I mean to go into harm's way." The growing boycott of Chinese goods looks interesting.
Peter Borregard, El Cerrito, CA
We're Weekly, But Thanks
MUGGER: Thank you for an objective, intelligent response in your 4/11 column to the now-passed situation in China. I trusted the powers that be in our new administration to make the right decisions regarding this matter. William Kristol disappointed me many times during the last election by criticizing George W. Bush, and he has lost all respect as far as I'm concerned since The Weekly Standard article you mentioned.
The loss of American lives is a tragic and horrible thought, but you are correct that we have forgotten that members of our armed forces are aware of the possibility of that danger. The Chinese were hypocrites for demanding an apology for the death of their pilot, when they value human life so little. They had so much more to lose than we did if that standoff wasn't resolved.
I will be in New York City in less than two weeks, and will be looking forward to reading your paper every day.
Katharine Bailey, Minneapolis
Kristol: Left-Winger
I have always considered William Kristol of The Weekly Standard a David Gergen wannabe. Who else replaced Gergen on all the liberal talk shows as a "conservative" when Gergen went to work for the Slickster? Before he got into the magazine business, I expected him to carry the Democrats' water. And regarding the "sensitivity" of China to 150 years of colonialism, why has no one mentioned the wholesale deaths of millions of Chinese by the Red regime? Colonialism and other outside influences didn't even come close to equaling that terrible carnage, which outdid Hitler and Stalin in total numbers. If they don't treat their own citizens well, we can't expect them to treat us well, either.
Collis Beck, Killingworth, CT
Kristol Lite
MUGGER: I've read several commentators discuss the article by Bill Kristol in The Weekly Standard, and heard Kristol himself on Brit Hume. No one has yet ventured the opinion that the article is nothing more than sour grapes from Kristol and his pack of McCain supporters. His comments are unabashedly overboard and completely self-serving, and I can't believe anyone is taking him seriously. I understand Brit has a contractual tightrope to walk (both The Weekly Standard and Fox are Murdoch-owned), but I was disappointed to see that you didn't even hint at the possibility of sour grapes. I think readers of your column, as well as Fox viewers, have long enough memories to remember when Kristol was gunning for Bush in the primaries. Kristol just can't give it up. He has a right to his opinions, but that doesn't mean you and everyone else have to pander to his tantrums.
I will admit, cynically, that two things were at work with the Chinese. One, they were merely stalling until they'd completely dismantled our aircraft and had gathered all the information necessary to reverse-engineer our technology. But I wonder if they aren't also taking pleasure in antagonizing Bush because he won't sell state secrets for campaign cash. I wonder how the Chinese would have handled this incident if "Show Me the Money" Bill were still in office. Slick Willie probably would have found a way to sell the plane for campaign contributions.
Barry Malarcher, Atlanta
Russ Smith replies: Although I have great admiration for Bill Kristol, during the 2000 campaign I repeatedly criticized him for his unwavering fealty to John McCain and his potshots at then-Gov. Bush. Obviously, there's no love lost between Kristol and the Bush family, dating back to his stint at Dan Quayle's office, which I've also noted many times. As I wrote in my column last week, I believe that Kristol is correct that the U.S. has to take a hard line toward China, but that the Bush administration certainly hasn't humiliated the nation by its handling of the crisis.
China Crisis
MUGGER: I'm glad to get the crew back. Bush did what he had to do. Apparently, the Chinese were not overwhelmed by their victory, either.
As far as pessimism goes, I predict a war with China. The old "Greater Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere" is alive and well in Peking. (I would have written "Beijing," but I am protesting the Chinese rewriting of the English language.)
As long as there is Communist Party domination, no free and open elections, no freedom of the press, no religious freedom, internal repression, threats against their neighbors and an expansionist philosophy, war is inevitable. And given the decade of cooperation when it comes to sharing missile and warhead technology, they are unquestionably feeling their oats over there.
Yep. As I sees it, we got ourselves a war a-brewin'. Expect to see more technology transfers in the form of Kilo-class submarines and Kiev-class carriers coming from the Russkies, too.
Lamar Johnson, via Internet
Squeaky FYROM
George Szamuely ("Taki's Top Drawer," 3/28) gets it half-right. Macedonia is not "FYROM" (an hilarious moniker coined and used solely by Taki's fellow Hellenic tribesmen), and the Macedonians do have quite a rich historical and cultural heritage. Read up on some history, George. But he nails it right on the head vis-a-vis the latest "rebellion" by the "poor, oppressed" ethnic Albanian minority in Macedonia. At least he keeps current on world events. As I write this, the Albanian drug dealers and pimps and their runners (aka "UCK"/"NLA" or whatever) are in disarray after our boys finally dropped all pretenses of restraint and gave them the (carefully measured and planned) beating they deserved, so as not to fall into the trap of committing "ethnic cleansing." Macedonia is neither "poor" nor "feeble," after all. Ask the Romans, Byzantines, Turks, Germans, Serbs, Bulgarians and many other foreign invaders/occupiers of Macedonia over the ages past. Macedonia and the Macedonians are still here, and they are all gone.
Boris Docevski, via Internet
SEPTA Tank
Neal Pollack: Welcome to Philadelphia ("New York City," 2/28). It's been very good to me. And it is a "wonderful town," despite your snide headline.
I'm not saying we should ignore the fact that sometimes even cops get killed and robbed here, or that a drug-turf murder took the lives of seven people at once. But for every negative anecdote you relate about this city, I can tell you 10 positive ones. When I accidentally leave my garage door open all night with the garage filled with tools and unlocked bikes, and there's nothing missing in the morning, that's just not news. Likewise, when I moved to my neighborhood and within a month all the neighbors, without any introductions, knew me and knew my car, and told me that they had kept an eye on things while I was away on vacation?that sort of gentle neighborliness just doesn't fit your vision of Philadelphia as a hard, cold, crime-ridden, urban wasteland.
A few years back I was run over by a SEPTA bus and left lying in the middle of the street at 3 a.m. If I had been robbed when I was down, that would have fit your model. Sorry, but I called for help and immediately a guy (a black person no less!) ran over, put his sweater under my head, stopped traffic and had a cab driver radio for help. The people in the cab locked up my bike for me and gave a report of what they saw to the police. The police apprehended the hit-and-run bus driver a few blocks away, and both the cops and witnesses took the time to appear in court. If you just focus on the negatives, you can make any place look bad.
So what's your deal, Neal? Do you like it here or not? The depth of your ambivalence is astounding. You're appalled by the crime and you long for the good old days, but you complain about gentrification. You appreciate the funky chance encounters that make the city experience so rich (like seeing a friendly posse on horseback or a peripatetic clown), but describe them only with an air of deep mistrust.
I really want to welcome you to the city that I love, but I get the feeling that there's no point, that you see only the negative and would have hated any city you'd moved to. So the service sucks at Carmen's Country Kitchen?don't go there. Fortunately, just as in Chicago, there are 100 other restaurants you can go to for better food and better service.
You say you've been here three months, and all you've gotten out of Philadelphia is the Wing Bowl and the sad fact that a cop was stabbed by a gigolo? Are we even living in the same city? Please, next time you move somewhere, try arriving without a preconceived expectation of "an urban life, in all its horror."
Chris Vecchio, Philadelphia
The editors reply: The "snide headline" Vecchio refers to wasn't Pollack's, it was ours