Lynda Barry Creeps Them Out; Jim Knipfel Is a Cold, Cold Man; Your Aim Is Untrue, MUGGER; A Fourth Baboon Writes; Shut Up, Taki, You Prideful Westerner; More
Dog Days
I love Lynda Barry, but I suspect she's not herself these days. This odd, whirling little dog? cloud? tornado? thing she's been drawing is creeping me out. Please, Lynda, bring us some more Marlys and company to make the summer bearable.
Bob Gutowski, Jackson Heights
Wicked Knipfel
I will be a senior this upcoming school year at the Las Vegas Academy of International Studies, Performing and Visual Arts. This summer I heard about Levi Presley's death from a friend and tried to find out more. I don't have local television and my family doesn't subscribe to a newspaper, so I went to my only source: the Internet. I found an article on his suicide at the Review Journal website. I then found Jim Knipfel's article, "I Didn't Even Make a 'White Jumpsuit' Joke" ("Daily Billboard," 7/17).
And: "The story also doesn't tell us what he was studying at the Academy (though one can only guess). Did his performance at the school talent show not go so well?" Levi was an art major. He didn't perform.
All I can say is that your article was uncalled for. I don't understand it. Do you not have anything else better to do than to sit and take horrible news and make it into a joke? A sick, twisted joke? I don't understand. All I can say is that I hope one day you realize what you have done. How would you feel if your child committed suicide and someone made it a joke? Think about it.
Vanessa Romero, Las Vegas
Memo
To: MUGGER
From: George W. Bush
Re: That last rimjob you gave me
You missed a spot. Please try harder next time.
Tom Patterson, Queens
Bet You're a Devil With the Ladies
Enjoyed reading "Three Baboons" ("The Intersection," 7/17). Tim Lane's take on male tongue-lashing toward the fair sex brought to mind nights of distress sitting on stools the size of pin cushions and drinking Bud Lights with a couple of male friends who would pontificate on the sexual proclivities of females sitting nearby. What a waste of time and energy, as we always left condom-heavy until we learned that in the world of cruising, three guys strike out, two might make it to first base, but one slides in with a home run.
By the way, the James Bond coaster note idea derived from a scene in From Russia with Love (1963). The character Kronsteen (Vladek Sheybal), a master criminal working for SPECTRE, is slipped a note under a glass at a chess match. Unoriginal as these baboons are, one must wonder if the first baboon made the correct move via his coaster ripoff.
Finally, would somebody, it would be preferable if an editor handled the job, inform Michelle Chen ("New York City," 7/17) that air does not swagger and sway to a static-laden pulse. People might swagger and sway to a static-laden pulse, a lolling, tropical upbeat, whatever those are, but not so air. This is an example of a writer mixing together words that she thinks sounds zippy but, in reality, sounds ludicrous. Thank you.
Dick Topping Jr., Manhattan
It's Ativan, Now Go Away
I am the other Bob Powers who writes a music column on the Web (G21: The World's Magazine at www.g21.net). I noticed that you and Bob Powers disagree on the spelling of Atavan ("Music," 7/10). You spelling it "Ativan," while Powers spelled it correctly. And the copy editor dreamed on.
Bob Powers, Marietta, OH
Overlooked Transaction
Michelangelo Signorile: Right! Martha Stewart has not been charged ("The Gist," 7/17). And neither has George W. Bush. In fact, the SEC has looked over the transaction several times (dang, you missed the news on this?), once when he was governor, next when he was running for president, and guess what? Nothing illegal. Now stop being hypocritical. Martha's heading to the boring news pile. Now it's your turn.
Maria Russell, Waterbury, CT
Thank God We Got You To Set Us Straight
RE Taki's "Top Drawer" (7/17). One thousand years of European enlightenment? Are you serious?
I just love to hear Westerners go on and on about the greatness of European civilization and all of its accomplishments. However, one need only view the history of the world from a broad (and truly enlightened) perspective to see that the West has only just begun to make its contribution to humanity as a whole. And I'm sorry, but it hasn't been 1000 years; 1000 years ago Europe was still stuck in the Dark Ages (an era in human history that was exclusively European, by the way), while Asia and the Middle East gave birth to the innovations that helped the West get to where it is today.
Despite these truths (however often they are so conveniently overlooked), prideful Westerners need not fear. Not all of us philistines are looking to remove Western teachings from school curriculums. Instead, what we desire is that history be told in classrooms and textbooks the way it really happened. This may be a problem for many Westerners, however, who may feel that their pubescent culture is being outshined by the accomplishments and innovations of the Asian and Muslim worlds.
Tomas-Aquino Garcia, Bronx
Not Incentive Enough
MUGGER: I was so disappointed that you didn't say a word about the All-Star game. Your opinion was one I was waiting to hear.
Also, if anyone thinks New York City will make more money off the tobacco tax, they're dead wrong. In fact, revenue will most likely decline. New Jersey isn't too far away, and they sell the same cigarettes. For the savings of more than $15 a carton, people will make the trip and stock up.
David Stoltzfus, Minneapolis
Our Ames Is True
I've been reading New York Press for about eight years, and I've become a fan of the, shall I say, caustic, writing style that has become your paper's trademark. I recently saved an article that Jonathan Ames wrote about Memphis, and the Tyson/Lewis fight, that really hit home with me ("Everybody Dies in Memphis," 6/19). I grew up in Memphis, still visit a couple of times a year and I think Ames captured the city's flavor perfectly?the drama, the tension and the blues, all wrapped up tightly. Thanks again for the continued good writing, and please pass on my good vibes to Mr. Ames.
Corbin Dooley, Manhattan
He's Up to the Challenge
Alexander Cockburn: How pathetic. This is exhibit #1 of liberal propaganda ("Wild Justice," 7/17). Good luck. Our President is still riding high despite your efforts to influence the American public's view of the man. Keep trying. Maybe the next Gallup poll will show that only 72 percent of the public support the President's performance.
Jim Finegan, Nashville
He Meant You Could Lose the "Subsidiary"
In Christopher Caldwell's "Who Bought Bush's Stock?" ("Hill of Beans," 7/17), he wrote: "When people say "wholly owned subsidiary," what on earth do they mean? If one entity is "wholly owned" by another, isn't it by definition subsidiary to it?
"But not even bad prose can obscure that the corporate scandals are hatching a catastrophe for Republicans."
As much as I hate to support Maureen Dowd, she is right to use the term "wholly owned subsidiary" for the simple reason that some subsidiaries are not wholly owned. If Company A owns 51 percent of Company B's stock, then B is a subsidiary of A. Sticking the "wholly owned" in front of "subsidiary" informs us that there are no minority shareholders involved.
Suggestion: when writing on business matters have your journalists' output run by your accountant.
James Graham, Lexington, VA
Another Expert
Nick Zymaris' response ("The Mail," 7/17) to Dennis Jordan's article about the Brawlers Club (7/10) was right on the mark when he spoke about the "ridiculous illustration on the front page." Can't you guys do any better than this? Generally there are nice hard-edged drawings that illustrate your articles, but this one was really stupid. Inasmuch as Jordan was traveling with "Johnny Art" you'd think he'd have been able to come up with something more illuminating than the truly commonplace cartoon of Tristan Eaton!
Mike Donovan, Brooklyn
Unholy Alliance
Mike Signorile: I always enjoy reading your articles in New York Press; I appreciate your courage and candor and I particularly like that you've taken on the establishment regarding gay issues. As a Jew, I liked your column about the support by many Jewish organizations for the Christian right ("The Gist," 7/17) and allying with them in support of Israel. Although today Israel needs all the friends she can get, it is very shortsighted for Jews to get into bed with the right-wing bigots who only support Israel because they believe that when all the Jews return there (how will they get us there?), then Christ will return. They are certainly, as you pointed out, no friends of the Jews. Keep up your good work!
Alan Freidberg, Manhattan
And Gore's Their Paris
Don't forget: Achilles did have a vulnerable spot?his heel ("MUGGER," 7/17). Legend has it that his mother, Thetis, held him by his heel when she dipped him into the River Styx to make him invulnerable! I hope Bush does not have a vulnerable spot. The Democrats and liberals make me nervous.
Donald W. Bales, Kingsport, TN
Kaldwell's Kommodity Korner
I have some questions concerning Christopher Caldwell's "Who Bought Bush's Stock?" ("Hill of Beans," 7/17) that I hope the author will address in a future article. First, what is the precise definition of "material information"? Bush sold his stock just 16 days after receiving an internal "weekly flash report" projecting bad earnings in the coming quarter: is this not an example of "material information"? Second, how is the SEC supposed to investigate the suspicion of "material information?" (It seems the SEC had "extensive" discussions with Bush's lawyer but not with Bush or other Harken directors.) Third, has anyone been prosecuted for insider trading even if the stock price recovered for a time? Or does a company have to go bankrupt first?
Concerning the fluctuations of Harken stock: I read from one news report that shares of Harken would have plunged even farther on Aug. 20, 1990, if Bush had sold his shares on the open market. (Instead he sold to a Mr. X, who may or may not be Lee Bass. If it were Lee, it would raise suspicions that broker Ralph Smith did not get a "cold call" after all, and refute his contention that the buyer has no connections whatsoever to Bush).
I'd be most grateful if you'd address these questions in upcoming articles. I, like some of your readers I'm sure, know little about securities law, etc. If we're going to drop the matter, there's a lot we have to sort out first, as I'm sure you agree.
Deborah Diamond-Kim, Issaquah, WA
We Got a Blowjob Last Night
MUGGER: Are you just butt stupid or what (7/17)? Bush lucky? He's about as lucky as Jimmy Carter. The Malaise Twins. Trouble rains on these guys. Please name one good thing that has happened to this country since Bush was "elected."
Peter H. Edmiston, Manhattan
And Another Thing
MUGGER: July may be a favorable month for publicity, but Bush's shrinking "definite re-elect" numbers, now down to 42 percent, are keeping Karl Rove in full pander and poll mode (7/17). I love the aw-shucks, Bush's Harken involvement was "small-beer." Let's look back to some old "MUGGER"s re Whitewater and Hillary. Please. Hey, lay off the entertainment business accounting practices. Jeez. Is that a threat? See Zogby regarding the Bush's shrinking and no-longer-73-percent approval rating. The Dems-do-it-too notion is correct, but that doesn't matter. The Republicans are the party of big business. They rise with it. Now they fall. You may think Michael Kay is insufferable, but if you tuned in for that forlorn ninth-inning Selby home run, you would have heard Kay's call, which included the usual "See-ya"?proving he's equal opportunity when it comes to celebrating the long balls, and not the homer you think he is. Cheers.
Harley Peyton, Hollywood, CA
GOP Might Suck?
MUGGER: It's as if nobody pays any attention to Nixon, Clinton, Johnson (7/17). You can't cover it up in this country. Can't. Bush's Achilles heel has in the past been his deliberate decisions not to tell the bad stuff until he is discovered. His drunk-driving conviction almost cost him the election. Looks bad. And the entire Republican Party may suck poison gas because of it.
Howard Veit, West Hollywood, CA
Just Can't Shut a Lawyer Up
I hate to criticize a Christopher Caldwell column that sounds as if he's been studying Molly Ivins (and much the better for it), but he asks: "When people say 'wholly owned subsidiary,' what on earth do they mean? If one entity is 'wholly owned' by another, isn't it by definition subsidiary to it?" ("Hill of Beans," 7/17). First of all, "subsidiary," as in "wholly owned subsidiary," is not used as an adjective, describing a relationship between two entities, but is used as a noun, to describe an entity owned by some other entity or entities. A subsidiary (n) is subsidiary (adj) to its owner.
"Wholly owned" modifies "subsidiary," dividing subsidiaries into the classes of "wholly owned" and "partially owned." While all wholly owned entities may be subsidiaries, not only subsidiaries are wholly owned. Caldwell apparently "gets" the rest of this now. Surely his coming toward wisdom can also include a little logic and simple English. I guess he needs an editor.
Barry D. Bayer, Homewood, Il
Taking the Longview
MUGGER: Ann Richards may have been popular up there in New York, but down here in Texas (where it counted) she was not (7/17). If Clements had not been involved in SMU's mess she wouldn't have been elected at all. Go Red Sox.
R.E. Bement, Longview, TX
Mighty White
A. Cammarata and his political ilk can continue to run block for the Muslims who murdered 3000 people on Sept. 11 and whose backward attitude toward life has turned Islam from a progressive religion to one from the Stone Age ("The Mail," 7/17). But one fact that the anti-European crowd keeps using is the status of Northern Europe when Islam was rising up. The fact is, Europe under the Roman Empire was highly developed from buildings to aqueducts to highly advanced machines.
The fact is, the Europeans were living in caves, because invaders from Asia, Africa and the Middle East swept in, looted the cities and destroyed their society.
Incidentally, most of the architecture of "great mosques" was copied from the great churches of the Byzantine Empire, which happens to be European, and which the Muslims conquered.
So you and your anti-European buddies keep apologizing for the Muslims, but try to get your facts straight next time.
Re Richard Lee's letter the same week. What a surprise to hear that comment from a hillbilly Republican hack from Georgia! This is the same state whose right-wing yahoos question the patriotism of Max Cleland, who lost most of his limbs in Nam! Nothing like a bunch of right-wingers who never served questioning the patriotism of a guy who did!
What a surprise to hear Lee blast the Democrats who no longer occupy the White House, to try to cover up for the fact that the current occupant and his vice president are up to their necks in corporate scandal. It seems all the Republicans did besides screw up the economy was change the subject from sex to money.
No wonder the GOP is the party of the pious hypocrites!
Paul C. Barba, Sunnyside
And?
If you were Iraq?bomb-crippled, embargoed, poor and posed no threat to your neighbors or anybody (a victim yourself of terror and genocide), and didn't possess "weapons of mass destruction," either, as verified by former U.S. Marine Scott Ritter of the UN Inspection Team?but you were nevertheless constantly bullied, bombed and threatened with even more inhuman bombing, followed by invasion by the real axis of evil?oil-thirsty regimes awash with weapons of mass destruction and eager to test them?now wouldn't you, if you were Iraq, be working day and night to develop some cheap, "dirty" way to blister the faces of the invading barbarians?
T. Weed, Hoboken
Holier than Thou
RE my letter to Don MacLeod last week, "Declaration of Independence? Constitution? Which?" ("The Mail," 7/17). MacLeod is correct in his assertion that the words "[men] are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights; that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness ?" are found in the Declaration of Independence, not the Constitution. He is entirely wrong in suggesting that the two documents can be viewed independently of each other. In fact, they are parts of the same intellectual whole.
The Declaration was written primarily by Jefferson with editorial help from Benjamin Franklin, men of scandalously mild religious sentiments for the time. The Constitution was drafted primarily by James Madison, Jefferson's protege, with input from a wide range of Federalists and anti-Federalists, including Hamilton, Washington, Jay, Marshall, Henry, Monroe, Adams and a host of other luminaries from the Revolutionary period, many of whom were deists. Were men of such heterodox religious sentiments as Franklin and Jefferson (and even Washington, no regular church attendee) to profess that man's fundamental rights come from his Creator, we can safely assume that there was little debate about the issue at the time.
Madison's task was not to develop a new theory of rights?that had already been clearly elucidated in the Declaration and there was no disagreement among the authors of the Constitution on the matter, whether Federalist or anti-Federalist?but to craft a formal, legal statement of them and to design a government that would be both effective in providing for the general welfare and so constrained as to not threaten the fundamental rights mentioned in the Declaration. It is true that the question of religion is only addressed in the First Amendment, and reference to God is made only once, but it would be foolish to suggest that Constitution is neutral on the issue.
Quite the contrary is true. The Founders feared that the federal government would interfere in the free practice of religion: therefore, the need for the First Amendment. What the First Amendment states is that it is unlawful for the federal government to establish a religion, as the Anglican Church is established in Britain, or to favor one church over another. In the words of historian Paul Johnson, "It certainly did not inhibit Congress from identifying itself with the religious impulse as such or from authorizing religious practices where all could agree on the desirability." Moreover, it did not prevent the several states from establishing religions or favoring one church over another. Historically, a number of the original states had established churches and even required citizens to pay a tax to support them. This practice ended decades later on the basis of political action rather than court decree. The Amendment is rightly seen as a protection of the established state churches against the risk of the establishment of a national church.
The significance of all of this to modern times is as follows: the federal government does not have the constitutional authority to dictate to the states or to the people the acceptable level of religious expression in public discourse. That right is reserved to the states and to people and should conform to community standards, not to the ideology of federal judges. There is no "one size fits all" form for public expression, and it is wrong for the federal courts to attempt to impose one. It is ludicrous that the "liberal" judiciary has it that pornographic expression is limited only by community standards but religious expression can be utterly barred from the public square by judicial fiat.
MacLeod: I recommend Mr. Johnson's beautiful A History of the American People, HarperCollins, 1998. It can be pleasurably read on any beach, and you will learn more than you can imagine about American history from it.
Daniel Hogan, Worthington, OH