Moral Court and Knockers the Klown; DJ Wake 'N' Bake Dave Plays Rock at Barmacy; Pete Best at Rebar

But the best episode of Moral Court, aired two weeks ago and sure to be repeated, is the one with Knockers the Klown vs. Infozo, another clown. Knockers is a minor celebrity "sex clown" who makes a living jumping out of people's birthday cakes (212 of them to date; she charges $500/hour). Infozo is an activist who runs www.stopclownpornnow.org, which unites the resistance to clown sexuality and distributes polka-dot Internet ribbons to "increase public awareness of our cause."

I met with Knockers at Barmacy (538 E. 14th St., betw. Aves. A & B, 228-2240), where she had just finished running a theme night of woman-friendly sex games as her alter ego, Dr. Ducky. She was confidently riffing on her Moral Court battle with Infozo.

"This guy," Knockers shook her head. Sans greasepaint, she was quite approachable: a short girl with big tits who acted like she didn't know about them. "He's been bugging me for years. It felt great to confront him in a public forum."

How'd the case go?

"It was a real showstopper when I pulled out the love e-mails that he sent me years ago. I mean, there's a whole history with Infozo. And it's a stupid name for a clown."

Yeah. Knockers' act at Barmacy is less heavy on the circus stuff, more advice-oriented. She chairs a series of dirty games like "sexual dysfunction bingo" and informs women about various toys. Men are invited to the party, but if they get noticeably excited, there's this automatic erection feedback mechanism.

"If I see a guy with a boner, he's out immediately. The reason the show works is because it's safe for women. We get 200 people for these events: 40 percent of them are women, and they keep coming back because they're comfortable."

Knockers has been doing this for five years, and she knows the deal. For Valentine's Day she's got a "Bound for Pleasure" intro-to-bondage class, and on 2/21 she's doing "Uniforms 101: Schoolgirls." Ultimately, her goal is to "put the fun back in sex" in a Dr. Ruth way, only with clowns. And candy.

"I bring bags of toys and candy to the shows, and people just love them. I really like the new gummi feet?have you tried them? It's like a whole life-sized foot of gummi bear!"

That pretty much bugged me out for the rest of the night.

...Also at Barmacy, on Wednesdays, is a guy named DJ Wake 'N Bake Dave, one of the many people making their way in this city as rock DJs. Dave spins Stooges, the Cramps, AC/DC and Sabbath. Originally from Austin, he has the normal DJ setup?"vinyl, two turntables, and a CD player if I really need it"?but he doesn't have a visor or cornrows or...whatever else techno DJs have. He also doesn't segue songs seamlessly, which is the real talent I respect in house guys?they can fade one track of a certain tempo over another track of the identical tempo without anyone noticing! Wake 'N Bake Dave is forced to play a few seconds of "overlap" music between distinct songs. Over at Lansky Lounge (104 Norfolk St. at Delancey St., 677-9489) he does Metal Mondays, with Maiden, Ozzy, Manowar and Priest. Wednesdays at Barmacy lean toward punk and garage.

...As for the traditional DJ experience, the one with the continuous techno beat that doubles and redoubles every few minutes, then climaxes and begins anew, try Limelight (47 W. 20th St. at 6th Ave., 807-7059) this Monday. That's where Stav Vaisman has organized another night of NO ID.

If you're old and dissatisfied with your life, you might want to stop reading, because Stav is 18 and he's the biggest promoter of underage dance parties in the country. NO ID, which started in Long Island and New Jersey, is now a Tri-State entity that stages eight events per year. They buy out a club, get rid of the alcohol, admit everyone over 18, and rake in the money?an event at Exit last year drew 10,800 people.

Stav is the president of this organization, reporting only to owner "Uriel" and deciding "what clubs, what rappers, what DJ, how the club is laid out, and who gets paid what." He started in late '99 when Uriel called him and said, "A lot of people are talking about you. I hear your name in Long Island, New Jersey, everywhere. I want you to help me run this thing I've started."

An already cool guy, Stav accepted this extra dose of coolness and now he's steered NO ID to the point where it's mentioned on MTV, KTU and Hot 97. In addition to the large events that take over an entire club, NO ID runs after-prom parties that get kids into Twilo and Sound Factory on the night they're riding around in limos.

This Monday is a very large deal. Nas will be there with QB's Finest to do their hit "Oochie Wally," which even I've heard. And don't try to show up blasted: "Parents approve of NO ID because of no drugs and no alcohol," Stav says. "If you try to come in drunk or stoned, we throw you right out."

That goes for you over-21ers as well. You'll have to stay mind-numbingly sober as you chat up underage girls. Hope you feel good Tuesday morning.

Side note: I asked Stav about the Puffy trial, figuring he'd have more insight than the Post. He had this to say: "Puffy always travels with 15 to 30 bodyguards who are licensed to carry firearms. There's no reason he would even have a gun, except for bravado or style. To shoot one off in a club would be idiocy, and Puffy is not only a genius, he's the greatest African-American businessman this country has ever seen."

...Pete Best, original Beatles drummer, is not dead and he's making an appearance this Saturday at Rebar (127 8th Ave. at 16th St., 627-1680). It's part of the club's "50s & 60s Rock N Roll Extravaganza," which also has a bunch of retro bands like the Strangemen, plus rockabilly legend Robert Gordon. Mr. Best will be on display from 5-7 p.m., then bands will play until about 2 a.m., with DJ Nitro playing canned rock music between the bands. All ages; tickets $15; you get extra points for calling Best a "chizzery chump."