Remember those early years after the 9/11 attacks, when the NYPD, FBI and Homeland Security would regularly release these absurd lists of household products that might actually be guns or bombs or bio-weapons in disguise? We were told to be afraid of everything-shoes, laptops, spray cans. Well, someone must have gotten the impression that we were all getting too relaxed, that things were getting too normal again, because last Thursday the NYPD said we were all supposed to watch out for-the cell phone gun. It looks just like an ordinary cell phone, see? But this one conceals four .22 bullets inside! And the antenna, see? That's the barrel! And you fire it by pressing the number 6! Who makes these things, do you suppose-Acme? Or maybe the same people who made Batman's utility belt. The genius of the idea, of course, is that with everybody carrying cell phones, everyone becomes a suspect. If cops can arrest you for pointing a water pistol at someone, will they now be able to likewise arrest you if you point your cell phone at a bank teller? Hey-could've been a gun for all they know, right? It's kind of scary, isn't it, when you stop and think about how security decisions are being made these days? They should just tell us they're really chasing the Joker, or Dr. Evil or Darth Vader. It would make the whole thing that much more fun.