Picks
Can't make it until one in the morning to watch Amateur Night at the Apollo? Tonight, let your voice be heard and make that siren wail at the final showdown of the year. Apollo Theater, 253 W. 125th St. (betw. Frederick Douglass & Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. Blvds.), 212-531-5303; 7:30, $24-$39.
While chickenhawking at Washington Square Park earlier this year, we were shocked to see that NYU had admitted its edgiest freshman class in recent memory. Alas, the illusion faded after just 10 days, and it was Ugg boots as usual. Stupid us-we'd mistaken the MEANY Fest competitors for Tisch students. Tonight, the MEANY Fest finalists return to battle for a place in New York rock lore, and some sort of hook-up at a recording studio. The bill reads: Halestorm, Marwood, More, Eve's Fault, Bandcamp and the Kin, with Underwhelmed closing out the party. Some of the bands are competing, some are just specially selected up-and-comers. We're not sure who's who, but we'll check out any contest judged by our favorite road dog and music critic, Aaron Lovell. CBGB, 315 Bowery (Bleecker St.), 212-982-4052; 8, $10.
SONAL RAYS AND SOUND WAVES
What does Bronze Age metallurgy have to do with our mental and spiritual well-being? The ancient inhabitants of the Himalayas would have us believe it's the key to life. "But I've got a Playstation 2," you say? Ditch that modern burden and ask Elder Yogi Don Conreaux about smelting techniques from 8000 years ago. And don't let his mellow-yellow, maui-wowy demeanor fool you-he's old, real old, and he knows. Just don't talk during his gong bath or he'll destroy your soul with a sonal ray. DOROT Headquarters, 171 W. 85th St. (Amsterdam Ave.), 212-769-2850; 3, $5 sugg. don.
We're celebrating the New Year the same way we have for the last 15 years: playing video games while drinking Rumple Minze and smoking pot with friends in our parents' basement. You probably weren't invited-we'd love to have you over, but Mom says it's a small basement and we can't have boys and girls there at the same time, sorry-so maybe you should find something else to do. Our listings begin on p. 40.
For the 101st time, the Coney Island Polar Bears (and anyone else who cares to join in) will take their traditional plunge into the frigid waters of the Atlantic. Believe us, there's no better or faster cure for a monster hangover than standing on a frozen Coney Island beach surrounded by scores of damp, half-naked, obese men, most of whom are screaming. From the charge across the sand to the water, to a few minutes of splashing around in the surf and posing for pictures, to a couple hours sipping coffee (or whatever) at Ruby's, it's one of the most exhilarating ways to kick off any new year. This year, the event is cosponsored by the Special Olympics. [Insert your own joke here. We're already on the road to hell.] Coney Island Boardwalk (Stillwell Ave.), 718-356-7741; 1 p.m., free.
100TH ANNUAL BOAT SHOW
In 10 years, when the Javits Center shares the western coast of Manhattan with that new fucking stadium, your kids won't have updated textbooks or working bathrooms at school. But the mayor and his kind will have five times the boats to look at during the 110th Annual Boat Show. If Mike likes boats so much, let him sail his ass over to Paris for the 2012 Olympics. Right? 11th Ave. (38th St.), 212-216-2000; 10 a.m., $15.
Sewing together the pieces of his life, artist Darrel Morris uses embroidery to portray complex father-son relationships, American poverty and male emotions. This show, held over through Tuesday by popular demand, features Morris' concept drawings on one side of the room and finished works on the other. Growing up in rural Kentucky, Morris learned to sew out of necessity. Now, a teacher at the Art Institute of Chicago, he blends art and craft, biography and social commentary, cross stitch and appliqué to create colorful, textural studies of modern maleness. Lyonswier Gallery, 511 W. 25th St., #205 (betw. 10th and 11th Aves.), 212-242-6220; 11-6, free.
You couldn't pay us to go see the Philharmonic onstage, but offstage is another story. One can only imagine the orgiastic debauchery that unfolds when one of the world's most highly regarded orchestras gets together-like Saturday Night Live in the 70s. Head to the Barnes & Noble just a stone's throw from Lincoln Center to get the inside scoop from pianist Yefin Bronfman as he shoots the poop with Philharmonic executive director, Zarin Mehta. They're scheduled just to talk to each other, but will hopefully field some of the rabid crowd's provocative questions. What really happened between Aykroyd and Lorne's wife? 1972 B'way (betw. W. 65th & W. 66th Sts.), 212-595-6859; 7, free.
Sculpted paintings made of beeswax, aniline and glass circle the small, cube-shaped gallery. Alternating cream then black, and framed in rough wood, the pieces, each only 11.5 by 16 inches, are abstract combinations of shiny glass and a matte, waxy rubber-like material. The work of Italian artist Maurizio Benatello, these minimalist investigations of geometry are quietly intriguing. Referring to his work as maps of metaphysical systems, Benatello creates a visual rhythm as shine and matte, hard and soft, light and dark, pull and push at one another, now through January 15. Good vs. evil in abstraction. Esso Gallery and Books, 531 W. 26th St., 4th fl. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-560-9728; 11-6, free.
Contributors: Brett Gelbord, Jim Knipfel, Hector Meza, Dan Migdal, Julia Morton.