Ramones Forever Benefit; Amy Sohn; Girls Against Boys; Charles Grodin; Sharon Jones w/Dap-Kings; Bootleg Remedy/ Moonlighters/Wildparty Sheiks; Gern Blandsten Showcase; Dean Dean & the Sex Machines

Since leaving New York Press she's graduated from telling everybody everything about her sex life and love life with men like Jonathan Ames to...telling everybody everything about what she says is "a twisted soap opera about a Cobble Hill bartender who has a May-December affair." Fiction, of course. Amy Sohn reads from her upcoming second novel, My Old Man, at KGB this Weds., June 12, 8 p.m. With Ariel Leve. 85 E. 4th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 505-3360.

Hometown faves (with DC roots) Girls Against Boys have been touring lately behind their new LP, You Can't Fight What You Can't See. Longtime fans will mob Mercury Lounge for their gigs Weds.-Thurs., June 12-13, but you should try to squeeze in to hear how these guys, now grownups, have taken that power-drone emo-boy sort of thing they did in the 90s and given it bigger balls, a steel spine and lots more horsepower. 217 E. Houston St. (betw. Ludlow & Essex Sts.), 260-4700.

If you're looking to impress a savvy young city lass, there's nothing better (or perhaps worse) than introducing her to an older, witty, distinguished member of the arts, preferably one who is overweight or boasts visible scarring. Alas, today the unsinkable Charles Grodin (who happens to be as handsome as he was the year he fell hard for Miss Piggy in The Great Muppet Caper) will have to do, as he discusses his mid-90s incarnation as hard-boiled talk show host in I Like It Better When You're Funny: Working in Television and Other Precarious Adventures at the Union Square Barnes & Noble, Thurs., June 13, 7 p.m. 33 E. 17th St. (betw. B'way & Park Ave. S.), 253-0810.

Funked-up sounds that could make even Donald Rumsfeld's lily-white booty shake a groove thing arrive at the Village Underground Fri., June 14, at 9 p.m. in the form of Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings, celebrating the release of a new CD, Dap Dippin'. This horn-driven ensemble channels 100-percent 70s-style funk with a purity Bootsie would envy. This is no camp sendup; Jones and the Dap-Kings are true believers in the redeeming grace of a really loud bass break. 130 W. 3rd St. (betw. 6th Ave. & MacDougal St.), 777-7745.

The old-timey music craze may be over, with T-Bone Burnett's soundtrack to Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood bowing at 99 on the Billboard 200, but that's no excuse for missing the Bootleg Remedy's mix of bluegrass and Western swing this Fri., June 14, 8 p.m. at Fez. The Brooklyn natives' best tune, "Love Me Darling Just Tonight," sounds like that "Food Around the Corner" song that flea sang in that disturbing Looney Tunes episode where he made skin sandwiches out of that dog. With the Moonlighters and Wildparty Sheiks. 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 533-2680; $10.

It's the rare quality independent record label that stays independent and stays afloat, to say nothing of staying quality. That's why on Sat., June 15, at 8 p.m. we'll be raising our glasses to the staying power of New Jersey's worthiest indie label, Charles Maggio's Gern Blandsten. Ten years since blessing skinny-kid mailboxes with screamy basement hardcore, Gern is earning some much-deserved attention with the blowing-upness of Radio 4, who will headline the label's anniversary showcase at Northsix. Also on the bill are longtime Gern family members like Ted Leo/Pharmacists?damn, did we love Ted's final Chisel album, a 1997 Gern banger?and Jett Brando, an All Natural Lemon & Lime Flavors derivative. Newer Gern soldiers like the incomparable dalek, Pilot to Gunner and Oddateee round out the birthday party. We hope the label's longest-lasting act, the amorphous Rye Coalition, will get onstage and treat us to old Gern chestnuts like "Cigarette for a Drag Queen." You're invited. Don't decline. 66 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-599-5103; $10.

When the Blanks 77 broke up a while back, we were totally bummed. We loved seeing Mike, their lead singer, drunk off his ass, falling from the stage and not remembering any of his lyrics. We loved to watch Renee, their guitarist, rock out with no cock out. And we especially loved their roadie/tech guy/driver/best friend, Dean Dean the Sex Machine. And that's why we are happy to announce that at the Continental on Mon., June 17, at 9 p.m. there is a free show featuring the ex-Blanks Renee and Dean, playing with their new act, Dean Dean & the Sex Machines. Not only do they love the kids, love the punk rock, love the drugs and love the sex, they love the humor as well. Also on the bill is Worse, who have a knack for making the sickest fliers ever. But what else would we expect from these Jersey doods? 25 3rd Ave. (St. Marks Pl.), 529-6924.