Secretary Kerik?

SECRETARY KERIK?

TWO WEEKS AGO, in a comment on the city's crass exploitation of 9/11 in its pursuit of the 2012 Olympics, this page mistakenly referred to Ray Kelly as the top cop who went on to make private-sector riches in the wake of the attacks. It was an unfortunate error. Ray Kelly in fact gave up a very lucrative position at Bear Stearns to become chief of the NYPD in 2002. The man we intended to name was, of course, Bernard B. Kerik, Kelly's predecessor and President Bush's nominee to replace Tom Ridge as head of the Dept. of Homeland Security.

Kerik's upcoming Senate confirmation hearings are expected to resemble a well-lubricated bipartisan circle jerk. Like his good buddy and kingmaker Rudy Giuliani, Kerik has come to represent the heroism and resolve New York displayed during and after the attacks. Strongly criticizing Rudy or Bernie is still not politically wise, or even imaginable, more than three years later.

But it needs to be said: Not only is Kerik unqualified for the Homeland Security post, the politics behind his candidacy are built upon a myth-the myth of Rudy Giuliani and 9/11. Sustaining this myth requires keeping a few facts from bubbling up the memory hole, such as: Rudy's headless chicken act on the morning of the attacks; his idiotic decision to place the city's emergency management center-and illegal fuel tanks-in WTC 7; his prompt melting of the wreckage, thus destroying the evidence from the biggest crime scene in American history; and his baffling negligence in preparing for a likely second attack on the towers following the Trade Center bombing of 1993, as evidenced by the lack of coordinated planning between agencies and widespread equipment dysfunction on 9/11.

The Rudy-9/11 myth is crucial to Kerik's nomination, because without this myth there is no Rudy the National Player, and without Rudy the National Player there is no nomination of brusque outsider Bernie Kerik to a major cabinet post in Washington. Rudy has always been upfront about his hand in Kerik's rise from pony-tailed narc to NYPD chief. And just as it was Rudy-and 9/11-that allowed Kerik to enrich himself in the terror biz, it was Rudy who put Kerik's name on President Bush's lips last week.

But enough about Rudy. Is Kerik up to the job?

Kerik is currently senior vice president at Giuliani Partners LLC. In other words, he's a fear-peddling shill for companies selling security-related products and services. Because Kerik was acting chief of police when the planes slammed into the towers, and because Kerik embodies the Rudy myth by association, he is a golden moustache on the terror-business circuit, where he tells corporations and government agencies that another attack is on the way-especially if Democrats are in power-and that Nextel (or whoever) is the company to help them prepare for it.

In May of 2003, Kerik briefly took leave of these pressing duties to build up the Iraqi police force. By all accounts he was brave and dedicated to the task. He spent the summer there looking fit in a flak jacket and Yankees cap.

Before that was his 16-month stint as chief of the NYPD, which coincided with 9/11. He left the job three months after the attacks to cash in on the Rudy myth, leaving the hard work of foiling (and preparing for) the next attack to Ray Kelly.

Prior to becoming Rudy's driver and bodyguard in 1993, the first step on his rapid rise to power, Kerik was a guard and warden at the Passaic County Jail, a street cop, and was briefly responsible for security at hospitals in Saudi Arabia in early 1991 (where he was basically top mall cop).

What do all of these gigs have in common? First, it's unlikely they taught Kerik much about the federal government, a basic knowledge of which is necessary in coordinating the 22 agencies that make up the currently dysfunctional Dept. of Homeland Security. Second, none of them taught Kerik anything about the world of intelligence, a critical field of knowledge for the incoming secretary. Homeland Security is meant to act as the "fusion center" for all U.S. intelligence operations. Whatever Kerik knows about this stuff, he likely gleaned from Tom Clancy.

So what does Kerik bring to the task of running an agency with a budget bigger than that of most major cities? In announcing the nomination, both President Bush and Kerik himself made much out of the fact that the nominee rushed to the scene on the morning of 9/11; there, Kerik "witnessed the very worst of humanity." Other supporters of Kerik's nomination have echoed this kind of thing, implying that Kerik is the right man because he understands in his gut how awful terrorism is. Writing in Slate, Phillip Carter said that Kerik "viscerally appreciates what it's like to send men into harm's way without the communications equipment or interagency relationships they need to be effective." We hear he can also karate chop a log right in half, but this doesn't mean he has what it takes to corral DHS into shape. And the fact is, he quit the NYPD rather than stick around and actually fix the problems identified by Carter.

We have no axe to grind against Bernie Kerik. His life story is sort of inspirational, despite the unctuous, looming presence of Rudy Giuliani, his shameless stumping for a president whose policies screw this city, and his recent role as terror huckster. Kerik is a tough bastard whom we'd like to have on our side of the street the next time we get mugged. But dropping this average-witted, knee-bending neophyte into the middle of Washington's most complex, sprawling bureaucracy and expecting him to make it hum? As Bernie himself might say, "You must be bustin' our balls."