Snarky, Illiterate Details Readers Write About Itzkoff; Taylor Gave Spangles Enough Rope; Keep the Pressure On, Signorile; Cockburn's a Gas; More

Is anyone besides Dave Itzkoff surprised by the "revelations" that Dave Itzkoff had during his tenure at Maxim ("Lad No More," 6/5)? My favorite mainstream, corporate magazines don't care about enriching my mind and soul? They're out for...shudder!...profit? Well, I'll be dipped. Why should men's magazines differ from women's? Cosmo and Glamour have been trotting out the same old stuff under the same misleading headlines, every single month, since Maxim's creators were in diapers. Had Mr. Itzkoff ever read Maxim before he accepted his job there? He would have to be an idiot to go to work for Maxim expecting it to be anything other than, well, Maxim. But he doesn't sound like an idiot. He sounds like someone who made a choice, then changed his mind. I advise he quit crying, crack open an Utne Reader and get over it. Meanwhile, I and several thousand other professional journalists with souls less pure than Mr. Itzkoff's will be happy to sully ourselves and take over his old job.

Emma Breacain, San Francisco

Details?!

Dave Itzkoff's "Lad No More" was a well-written piece that exposed the crass stupidity of the lad magazine industry. I am 22, and while most of by beer-drinking fratboy friends read Maxim, I prefer another magazine. A magazine that Itzkoff was not thinking about when he wished that "someday, someone is going to publish an intelligent men's magazine that speaks to today's generation of twenty- and thirtysomethings..." Hello. Dave, have you not picked up a copy of Details lately?

Kenyon Clemons, Queens

Shooting Stars

J.R. Taylor's interview with the Star Spangles was hilarious ("Music," 6/5). All the tough-guy talk and then "[our manager] said don't say anything bad about any of the bands that are coming out of New York." Fucking genius. What a bunch of idiots. I swear, for every bitter screed I read about how the Strokes have had everything handed to them, I just flash back to about two and a half years ago when I saw those "trustfunders" hustling and handing out fliers, at every show I went to in the city, to come see them at Arlene Grocery. I haven't seen any Star Spangles passing out fliers on the street?or, maybe I have, actually, since they look like every other LES asshole who just "happens" to have a bedhead haircut, forced vintage clothes and a fill-in-the-blanks back story of poverty cred.

Ben Boyer, Brooklyn

Two Wrongs

Greetings MUGGER: We're hearing and reading volumes by liberals and their press regarding how "profiling" may endanger our freedoms, etc. I do not recall hearing and reading the same comments when Hillary and Bill Clinton misused the FBI to "profile" 900 or so law-abiding Republicans in this Great Land. I love your column, and please keep pounding away at these phonies.

Bernardo Medina, Jersey City

Everybody's Got a Hand Out

Matt Zoller Seitz obviously knows a good film when he sees one and I appreciate his intelligent, measured review of The Fast Runner ("Film," 6/5). It is fascinating, however, how he manages to avoid any mention whatsoever of the way in which such a film gets made: its provenance. Apparently, remarkable movies of this sort just turn up on the doorstep of lucky New York reviewers.

Perhaps it would have choked him to note that the film was made in Canada with support from the National Film Board, which has 60-plus years of association with filmmaking in the north. Or that, for all the difficulties that producers had in obtaining support from various agencies, public funding does make such "noncommercial" films possible.

One gets the impression from the review that even intelligent, reasonably well-informed New Yorkers have real difficulty in recognizing the possibility of an alternative universe, one in which people do things differently than in the United States, and sometimes with quite remarkable and successful outcomes.

Ian Porter, Halifax, Nova Scotia

Off with Their Heads!

Michelangelo Signorile: Great piece ("The Gist," 6/5)! How is it the Dems are running for shelter, rather than going after Dubya's jugular on this one? It can be finessed in such a way the Dems would not appear to be the traitors and un-American terrorist advocates Dick Cheney would want us to believe the Dems are.

Also, I heard recently that Bush & Co. has stacked various high-power positions with lobbyists, capital venture gurus and the like. The Republicans knew every time Clinton unzipped his pants, for God's sake! Isn't Bush responsible for this bullshit, since it is on his watch? Apparently not, as the Bushies are claiming "not responsible" on nearly every act or action that might turn the tide against them.

This is a perilous time in our nation's history, and I mean that neither with drama nor doomsday gloom. The various footings of democracy are under attack, and that attack is being led by the White House. The people simply are the pawns?we the people?on their ever larger chessboard. I hope America wakes up, before the tide sweeps away the land of "justice and freedom for all"!

Vincent Turner, Boston

So You Like Him This Week?

MUGGER: I am speechless. So much to take in. Don't know anything about sports but loved the slamming of the guy who is attempting to do dirty tricks to baseball (6/5). And that little display of temper of yours and Junior's?perfect. Next best item was Cockburn taking on that awful person from England. Is it Hitchens? I bet the President would be more than glad to put in a good word for baseball.

Helen Weber, Oklahoma City

I'll Kill You If You Write Again

RE Jim Knipfel's "Daily Billboard" (6/3), "If You Don't Shut Up, I'll Cut You into Little Pieces, Swear to God." How can you be so insensitive? You are talking about my friend who was horrifically murdered by another friend. If you knew anything about music or the Doors you would know that the quote Tristian wrote on the Friends Reunited website was actually written by Jim Morrison. Next time think about what you write before doing it. Especially when people who know the persons concerned can read this kind of thing on the Web.

Bonnie Rickerby, Basingstoke, England

High Ball

MUGGER: Interesting bit about Jim Bouton's apparent jealousy of Jose Canseco's upcoming tell-all on steroid use (6/5). Revelations of drug use played a part in the success of Bouton's Ball Four. In one incident (this from my memory), Bouton and Mike Marshall were in a bullpen, watching Pete Rose run like a madman to try to catch a fly in the outfield. The ball dropped just beyond a diving Rose's glove. "Five more milligrams and he woulda had it," said Marshall.

Lawrence Henry, Westfield, NJ

Read Rolling Stone Lately?

David Itzkoff's article lambasting the "dude" culture of lad magazines like Maxim was right on point ("Lad No More," 6/5). Sloppy pop magazines like Maxim deserve the snicker they get from critical journalists, even if the formula is successful with young men. It's fine to provide twentysomething adolescents a magazine that caters to their toilet fantasies. But if the acclaimed Maxim/Cosmo "Formula" for superficially inflating sales ever seeps its way into the mindset of editors at legitimate publications, it will be a cultural travesty.

Justin Nyberg, San Francisco

Work in Editorial, Jim?

Please stick an oily rag in Dave Itzkoff's mouth and tell him to shut the fuck up. His little mea culpa just about made me lose my lunch. First off, he acts like he's done something noble for [sic] walking away from the table. Anyway, why should he get to walk away unscathed? Its [sic] like he was a porn star who all of a sudden woke up and felt "dirty." You were always that way [sic] buddy. But it's a noble profession and everybody has to start some where [sic]. Hell, Art Cooper worked at Penthouse. But the way you bit the hand that has nursed your precocious career [sic] is what makes me so sick. Frankly, if he doesn't know it yet, there's a line ten deep waiting to whup this punk's ass.

I too toil for a men's magazine [sic] called FHM. And while I [sic] were [sic] not exactly curing cancer, we're not causing it either. If giving the reader what it [sic] wants is so foreign to Mr. Itzkoff I suggest he go toil for one of the many men's titles that have trouble meeting their rate base [sic] month after month. Or even better, he and Bob "I don't pay my writers" Guccione Jr. can go sit in a room together and gripe about the dismal state of journalism. Nobody cares. It just reminds those who want to cave your head in what a self serving [sic] little snot bag you are, with utter contempt for anybody outside of your privileged mind. I'm honored to work at FHM as are the people who serve at Maxim. These are talented, hard working [sic] dedicated people who understand what plays in Peoria, a place [sic] Mr. Princeton Tiger, I doubt you've ever been. Your rant against them is actually what's wrong with journalism. The self-serving media-whores who think what they do is bigger than the magazine. Instead of collaboration and general joy in having a singular voice, they think they're better. Poor little disenchanted front of the book [sic] editor doesn't like having to pray to the alter [sic] of crass-commercialism. Boo-hoo-hoo-boo-hoo. Or are you just pissed that you were in capable [sic] of branching out. [sic] That unlike your boss, who you so utterly crapped on, you couldn't find the time to finish your novel. [sic]

Jimmy Jellinek, Manhattan

Of Course It Was Tabb's Fault

I'm glad Junior had a wonderful time at Green Day/Blink-182, his first live show ("MUGGER," 6/5). A tad bewildered how you managed to get nosebleed seats in the heavens with your class and clout. I'm assuming it was Tabb's fault. Next time get the kid front row and backstage. As for J.R. Taylor's article on the Star Spangles ("Music," 6/5), I have two comments. My friend's band Murder Inc. dressed like gangsters 20 years ago and the Brats who played Max's numerous times had this look down pat. I also know the Spangles were alluding to the Strokes, who, by the way, suck. Nevertheless nepotism and money at its ugliest will always exist in the music industry.

Matt Nuskind, Manhattan

Raw Deal

Regarding Alexander Cockburn's "Muzzle Those Pigs!" ("Wild Justice," 6/5). Included in the purchase of our house down the shore this spring was an old Sears gas grill and three ancient propane tanks in various unknown states of usage. We ran out of gas in the middle of the Memorial Day barbecue, and brought the tank over to the only guys in town?the Mobil station. Since they couldn't refill it according to the law, they would take the old tank off our hands for a $15 handling fee, and give us a brand-new full tank with the proper valve for another $17. With the burgers and franks only partly cooked, what else could I do?

Now, if only JJ Cale had written his biggest song about propane instead of cocaine.

Stu Taubel, Manhattan

Don Who?

Hurray for Jim Knipfel's critique of Letters from a Nut ("Daily Billboard," 5/31). It truly is an obvious ripoff of Don Novello's The Lazlo Letters and I commend Mr. Knipfel's sense of fair play. Quite frankly, I am sick and tired of the rampant cultural amnesia that has infected this country, and the blatant disdain of originality. These uncreative types are cut from the same cloth as the morons who in the 19th century wanted to close down the patent office with the reason that everything had already been invented and there was no longer a need for that office to exist.

Dirk Dustin, Brooklyn

Found Honey

For all your readers who, like me, miss Jason Little's "Bee," I found it is online at, not surprisingly, at www.beecomix.com.

Steve Hume, Canton, MI

Chapter & Verse

RE Taki's "European Bureaucrooks & Kangaroo Courts" ("Top Drawer," 6/5), in which he wrote: "The Koran has been preaching death to the infidels?and particularly the Christians?for more than 1300 years." It is starting to get pretty tiresome to have to refute these misconceptions?but let's start with the Koran:

Koran, ch.V, v.82: "You will find the nearest in affection to those who believe [i.e., Muslims] to be those who say: we are Christians."

Ibid., ch.V, v.69: "Those who believe, and those who are Jews, and Sabaeans, and Christians?whoever believes in God and the Day of Judgment and who does right?there shall come upon them no fear, nor shall they grieve."

Elsewhere, yes, certain behaviors are condemned, whether on the part of Christians, Jews, pagans and idol-worshippers, or Muslims themselves. Anyone could earn the scimitar to his neck. All of this, of course, seems barbaric to our lily-livered society.

Look?during the Middle Ages traditional Islamic societies were usually far more tolerant of other religions than were their Christian neighbors. The fact that a minority of vocal, unemployed, severely diaper-rashed militants have tried to hijack one of God's great traditions for their own twisted ends does not condemn that tradition. Ever hear of the "Christian" Ku Klux Klan, or the delights of the Inquisition?

In any case, CNN will never show you the faces of the millions of Muslims who want just to be left alone to make their way through the world and life, toward God.

Jeffrey S. Erickson, Davidson, NC

You Mean from Places Like Boston?

How much more of this are we expected to take? Come on! Jim Knipfel used to have something interesting to say, maybe back in the days when William Monahan was a regular contributor under his own name. But these days he's descended into complete irrelevance. His last piece was about changing a lightbulb in his house ("e-Slackjaw," 6/5). Maybe he can do a series on operating all the appliances in his home. Does anyone really care? I'm sorry to see that Andrey Slivka seems to be contributing less material these days. He's one of the few writers on staff who is both talented and understands what the paper is about. And MUGGER, hasn't your ego been satisfied yet? Please stop running so many letters from correspondents who don't live in New York. All they ever do is heap inane praise on either you or Taki, neither of whom merits half the space he gets.

Jabairu S. Tork, Boston

Dim Kennedys

Russ Smith: You wrote, "...let cousin Patrick do the heavy lifting" ("Daily Billboard," 6/4). Patrick Kennedy is very lucky if he can get through the day without making a complete ass out of himself at least once. He cannot and should not ever be used in any campaign that requires anything above saying, "Hi, I'm Patrick Kennedy," to a bunch of old ladies. His gaffes are incredible. My personal favorite is from the Jan. 9, 1997, Boston Herald. Patrick wrote a letter to Boston's mayor. In it, Patrick shows his complete lack of knowledge of sentence construction and verb agreement. Of course if you read the same quote in The Boston Globe, it would have been corrected. Honestly, I never thought there was a dimmer bulb than former U.S. Rep. Joe Kennedy, but Patrick is even dimmer.

Ted McCarthy, Baltimore

Russ Smith replies: Obviously, my reference to Patrick Kennedy's "heavy lifting" was in jest.

This May Never Happen Again

For once I agree with you, Michelangelo Signorile ("The Gist," 6/5). The horror of 9/11 consequently displayed our government's inefficiency and incompetence with regard to national security. In its first two years the Bush administration did nothing to alter the sad state of affairs in the INS and FBI. The Zacarias Moussaoui investigation was hindered not so much by FBI bureaucracy, but by fears of being labeled racist and engaging in racial profiling. I also have to say that the notion of President Bush bringing "integrity to the White House" went out the window with the Enron scandal. Keep in mind he has a long way to go before reaching Clinton's level of vice and wrongdoing.

Nick Gatsoulis, Astoria

Sex Sells

Laurie Stone's review of The Sexual Life of Catherine M. was terrific ("Books," 5/29)?sharp, entertaining and provocative.

Joyce Hackett, Manhattan

Um... He Went to Spin

Dave Itzkoff: As one who is so often ashamed of his alma mater, you immediately expose yourself to be one of the very country-club types you try to condemn ("Lad No More," 6/5). You should try taking yourself a little less seriously and write something that doesn't come off as so self-righteous as to make you appear the pompous Ivy graduate that you are.

There are plenty of intelligent magazines already in publication that one can try to secure a job writing for, or simply buy and read. To look or ask for anything more meaningful than the fluff that is contained in Maxim's pages, or in any of the other lad mags or women mags of the same nature, is missing the point of the magazine.

Having said that, I did enjoy reading your very well-written article. Good luck on your quest to find that elusive magazine that will enlighten the twenty- and thirtysomething generation.

Scott Stallwood, Manhattan

A Lad Wanks

RE Dave Itzkoff's "Lad No More." This article is a more-stupid waste of paper than Maxim itself. How desperate are you for material? Obviously you do not pay your writers.

Bim Walters, Manhattan

We Can Drive the Trains?

Don't cop out now, guys: you praised Giuliani's dubious quality-of-life crusades, but now you're upset because you've been tagged as the latest "skells" to be cleaned up and you're hypocritically upset ("Summer Guide," 5/22). It's the old "...and when they came for me, no one was left to defend me" cliche.

And no shit, Sherlock: the subways are MTA property ("The Mail," 6/5). That means they're public property, i.e., you can (and should) put your newspaper boxes underground for all the people who need something to read while waiting too long for a subway.

Lastly, telling you to be smarter isn't "left-wing fascism," you dopes! (Typical right-wing smears. Why am I not surprised?)

Tom Bachar, Manhattan

Fred Butts In with Intriguing Idea

While normally I am nodding my head in agreement with MUGGER, I'm afraid that he's wrong on the subject of a baseball strike (6/5). I say bring it on. Major League Baseball is now run for the benefit of the employees rather than the customers; a strike would only underscore that truth for the average fan.

The game will survive a strike. The minor and independent leagues will still play. However, what would not survive a strike is Major League Baseball: and this is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, leagues come and go, and if MLB were to join the Federal League and the Players League on the ash-heap of history, to be replaced by another major league with a more rational economic basis?one in which every team had a chance to win?then I say that that would be a desirable outcome. The more popular clubs?the Yankees, the Bosox, the Cubs?would join the new major league and life would go on.

And imagine how good we fans would all feel if we could tell both Bud Selig and Don Fehr to go to hell!

Fred Butzen, Deerfield, IL

You're Nice

MUGGER: It is refreshing to read your work. As a "writer wannabe," I can only dream on, but these dreams are truly inspired by your work.

In the meantime, I'll be most content to be a proud member of the bourgeoisie, repairing photographic processors by day and playing ball with my son in the evening (and perhaps drinking wine and spouting Shakespeare on the weekends). My life is certainly enhanced by such finely crafted words.

Dave Zlock, Lakeville, MN

F'n-A, Sig

MIKE Signorile: Great column. Matt Drudge is just another in a long line of conservative-sponsored mouthpieces ("The Gist," 5/29). Look at Limbaugh, Savage, Coulter (what an f'n bitch), Falwell, etc. They run smear campaigns against anyone who is deemed a threat to the GOP. Clinton was crucified for a blowjob and Bush, Cheney and the rest of the "chosen few" get a free pass. If more of the media had the guts to show the same willingness to speak out against this sad trend, maybe we could once again live in a country where criticizing one's government doesn't equal treason. Keep up the good work.

Adrian Johansson, Ocala, FL

It's Still the Economy

I found Alexander Cockburn's article "Muzzle Those Pigs!" to be so characteristic of the left that it's funny ("Wild Justice," 6/5). How stereotypical. The left built the Nanny State, and now one of its most unabashed supporters is commiserating with his compatriots because their beast has gotten out of control and thrown a wet blanket on their music and barbecues! Tsk tsk. It would be funny if you guys hadn't been warned since the time of Marx, and certainly since the time of Theodore Roosevelt, that this kind of thing would happen. You know, after so many of the wonderful collectivist utopias the left has cooked up have robbed, dehumanized and murdered their supposed beneficiaries you'd think you people would start to understand?tyranny is inherent and inevitable in the system. But you never seem to learn. The old lesson is true: A state big enough to give you everything you want (or "need") is big enough to take everything you have. A state that takes control of the economy for the good of "the People" will end up taking control of "the People" for the good of the economy.

Bob Lallier, Lodi, CA

And Hackles

So Councilwoman Eva Moskowitz is concerned about newsboxes on the street and has a proposal to eliminate them ("Summer Guide," 5/22)? This is the same councilmember who ran for reelection by repeatedly saying she would fight hard for a 2nd Ave. subway. Funny that we haven't heard a word about the subway since she easily won her election. She has since moved on to a much more important issue, newsboxes!

If Eva Moskowitz wants to do her constituents a big favor she should consider a much easier quality-of-life improvement: she can stop flooding registered voters' mailboxes with direct mail touting her own virtues. The incredibly incessant and annoying Moskowitz mailings were almost daily during her two campaigns, thereby demonstrating her ability to raise funds, but little else.

E.C. Neu, Manhattan

Huge Head to Go with Huge Balls

MUGGER: After reading the recent op-eds by Ted Rall, it is clear he's either one of the world's great satirists (far better than your Neal Pollack) or one of the world's great jackasses. I defy anyone to read the following paragraph from his Meet the Press piece and not puke:

"It's not that I was any smarter than my fellow journalists. But I'd done my homework. I'd been to that part of the world five times before, and in the process I'd picked up a lot of useful information: how to tell an Uzbek from a Tajik, why Herat is the coolest city in Afghanistan and how much it costs to hitch a ride. I knew my way around, I knew how to deal with the locals and I was able to present my dispatches with a basic understanding of historical, political, cultural and religious contexts. My peers from the networks and the big papers, on the other hand, were used to flying around the world from one trouble spot to the next?and it showed in their inch-deep reports." Yeah, Ted, ya got the place wired. Dope.

Hank Borelli, Manhattan

You Mean "Was"

There is an alternative to Maxim ("Lad No More," 6/5). It was called Adam, just out is its latest, and last issue. Dead in three.

Tom Dworetzky, Manhattan

Except a Ring in 83 Years

MUGGER: I was glad to read that you saw the Sunday Yankee-Sox game (6/5). I was thinking, with your luck attending Red Sox games at Yankee Stadium the last couple of years, that you and family were at Saturday's game.

Guapo's gotta go. Every time he steps on the mound, I hold my breath. I don't get much Sox news here on the West Coast, but it seems Arroyo has been doing a decent setup job. Getting Manny back, and maybe a real closer before the trade deadline, and who knows? However, we are Red Sox fans, and we've seen it all (except Enos Slaughter scoring from first on a single).

Gordon Smith, Pleasanton, CA

Rocket to Russia?

Alexander Cockburn views the annihilation of the five million Jews of Israel with equanimity, maybe even hilarity ("Wild Justice," 4/10). He deserves a rocket up his ass?that's any part of his malodorous body.

David F.X. Mandel, Manhattan

Going Out on a Limb

MUGGER: I enjoyed your recent piece. If the U.S. does not start adopting more aggressive measures, I believe the terrorists will win.

Name Withheld, via e-mail

Together Under the Covers

Michelangelo Signorile: There will be no commission ("The Gist," 6/5). Congress has oversight, and it should do the job. They should investigate the first WTC attack, the downing of TWA 800, the downing of the plane with the copilot praising Allah, all the Americans who died at the hands of Middle Eastern men. There will be no investigation, because the Democrats will protect Clinton, and the Republicans will protect Bush. That's just politics.

Mary Krik, New Lenox, IL

Selig's Still an Owner

MUGGER: Just a quick note from a SE Wisconsin guy who turns away from most NY media in order to read you. While Bud Selig (6/5) is an easy target and an obvious villain (not disputing that here?not sure there is a case, anyway), I would like to point out a couple of fairly obvious points: this guy neither campaigned for, nor sought the job of commissioner. As you recall, the huge rift between big-market owners, eccentrics like Angelos and small markets (Milwaukee, Kansas City, Pittsburgh, Minnesota?to name a few) offered increasingly less common ground for ownership interests. Bud was pushed into it by being able to assemble consensus within the owners. He accepted at their urging?even Peter Ueberroth had trouble in this regard. Second, Don Fehr holds a good bit of blame as well?I have never understood why he routinely gets a pass. Finally, if Bud is a poor administrator for MLB, he is otherwise a good person who does not carry arrogance and bias in his dealings. There it is: say whatever you will about a commissioner who would just as soon give the job to another willing (and more capable soul), he remains a gentleman and a solid guy. I am sure that his image (haircut and all) plays poorly in midtown Manhattan, but I know him to be a good guy dealt a bad hand. It kills me to see him torn up on a national level as he so often is. I really enjoy your columns. They are very thoughtful, and actually gave me (in addition to 9/11) a desire to visit NYC this spring.

Rich Malloy, Racine, WI

Working on Commissioner

Costas for commissioner of MLB. If not him then Ken Rosenthal or Peter Gammons. Maybe Bill James would work.

Joshua Normand, Manhattan

No, Commissioner MUGGER

First an anecdote about Bud Selig. It was game one of the '97 World Series here in S. Florida. While entering gate B with a small group, I spotted Mr. Selig. He was wearing a heavy black wool suit, very out of place, and his pasty ultra-white face looked doubly out of place down here. "Hi, Mr. Selig, how ya doin'" I hollered. Damn, you would have thought I had just caught him shoplifting or something. He didn't say a word, turned and nearly ran...away as fast as he could go. We all looked at one another, as did the hundreds of other people piling in through the gates. "Wow, what's up with that?" my friend asked. Very weird! Anyway, when you pose Mario Cuomo as new commish of baseball, I have a different nomination. Former President Jimmy Carter for baseball commissioner. He's a baseball fan, he will do the right thing?as he sees it?and powerful people will have no sway with him. Whattya think? Commissioner Carter?

Scott R. Hotchkiss, Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Tri-Cities Journal

MUGGER: Stick it to them. They deserve it, they ask for it and they should have it! Paul Wellstone is one of my unfavorites (6/5). The only Democratic senators I have the least bit of respect for: Zell Miller and John Breaux.

Donald W. Bales, Kingsport, TN

Where's the Inflatable Rat?

MUGGER: I was surprised that your Paul Wellstone mailings didn't include the phrase "printed by union labor," as is the case for all Democratic correspondence in Iowa.

Mark Walter, Yokosuka, Japan

Okey Doke

MUGGER: Great piece! Most importantly, in my view, is that your New York Press does cover the spectrum of opinions and ideologies. Thus, those who adhere to the "wrong" side?and do come across the "right"?will hopefully be able to recognize the truth.

Nancy Joyce Jancourtz, Brooklyn

Oh

People (including the otherwise admirable MUGGER) who think that American corporations would flood Cuba with investments and "smother Castro" if only the U.S. government would lift its embargo are simply revealing how little they understand what attracts and does not attract corporate investment in foreign markets or how international trade works.

Prior to my retirement I worked as an executive in more than one large American multinational and was personally involved in the preparation and evaluation of investment proposals in dozens of foreign countries, most of them in the Third World. In making those decisions my colleagues and I (and our counterparts in other multinationals) worked with checklists to evaluate opportunities and risks in the local market. We asked such questions as:

1. Can we own the business outright?

2. Can we hire and fire local nationals without restriction?

3. Will we be free to place American nationals in as managers? (In Cuba's case this would mean bringing in Cuban-Americans to run the company.)

4. As profits develop will we be permitted to repatriate dividends in U.S. dollars?

5. If we sell the business can we obtain and repatriate U.S. dollars?

6. Can we own land and buildings?

7. Can we freely import machinery and raw materials?

8. What sort of taxation will we face?

9. Is there sufficient local demand for our products. (Can our prospective local customers actually pay for whatever it is we want to sell?)

10. Do we trust the local government? (Will we face nationalization? Arbitrary changes in laws?)

For most industrialized countries (Western Europe, for example) responses to such questions (and many others) would encourage American investment. In others the answers would be overwhelmingly negative. There were no U.S. restrictions on investments in the Soviet Union or in Soviet-dominated Eastern Europe but Western investments in those countries were minuscule?until the Soviet Union collapsed. Why not? Just reread the above questions and ask yourself what the answers would've been in, say, Brezhnev's Soviet Union.

Developing countries that wanted to attract American investments usually enacted a special comprehensive law spelling out the terms under which foreign companies could invest and operate. By specifying the terms, prospective investors were provided with most of the answers to the common sense questions they ask before they put shareholders' money at risk.

A sure sign that it is the Cuban unfriendly business climate and not the American embargo that keeps foreign investors out is to ask this question: Where are the investments by big non-American multinationals? Exxon-Mobil is American-controlled but Shell is British-Dutch. General Motors and Ford are American but Peugeot and Volkswagen are not. Wal-Mart is American but Carrefour is a huge French discounter that has stores in places like Argentina. None of the European countries have embargoed Cuba yet their corporate executives shy away from investing in Cuba.

One possible response is to say, "Okay, investing in communist Cuba is not likely but American farm goods, pharmaceuticals, cars, etc., could be exported into Cuba." Again, let's look at what non-American companies are doing. Why aren't European and Japanese companies shipping cars to Cuba? Why aren't Canada, Australia and France selling them wheat and meat? Because these countries must be paid for the goods they sell and they are not so stupid as to accept Cuban pesos; they demand convertible currency?and Cuba simply doesn't have enough. Cuba now exports cigars, sugar, nickel and perhaps some other goods and it sells them for hard currencies. It earns some additional foreign currency on tourism. But what they earn is insufficient to replace the ancient cars on Havana's streets...or to provide their citizens with European- or Japanese-manufactured basic consumer products. (Undoubtedly much of Cuba's meager resources of foreign currency is diverted into the hands of Castro and his pals.)

If the U.S. lifted the embargo before Cuba drastically revised its attitude and its laws pertaining to foreign investment (and did so convincingly) it might, with minimum changes, attract American tourists and even some hotel developers. But the dream of attracting significant investment or even a Major League baseball team (imagine Castro permitting free agents or even unsupervised road trips) while the communists remain in power is just that, a dream.

The communist control of Cuba is a great and ongoing tragedy. The Cubans I've known were hardworking and determined people who did not deserve to see their country controlled by an egomaniacal dictator. Sadly it will take more than lifting the U.S. embargo to make a significant change in the lives of his victims.

James Graham, Lexington, VA