Summer Listings:

| 16 Feb 2015 | 05:39

    AMERICAN CRAFTS FESTIVAL

    Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts, W. 64th St. (betw. Columbus Ave. & B'way), 212-875-5928, www.lincolncenter.org Two consecutive weekends, 6/9-6/10 & 6/16-6/17. Admission is free. 400 artists selected from 2800 applicants, representing 44 states, show their work. 35,000 pieces in all. Continuous entertainment & demos plus gourmet foods at moderate prices. No mention made of alcohol.

     

    ARTS & ACTS AT ASTROLAND

    Coney Island USA, 1208 Surf Ave. (8th St.), Bklyn., 718-372-5159, www.astroland.com $13.99 buys you all the action you can handle. For those of you who enjoy structural vintage qualities, but are afraid to ride them?enjoy Circus Amok! Strange crop of parading crazies who "take a look at the quality of life in New York." If your kid is into sociology you're in luck (6/15). Mermaid Parade is depicted on the website as about the best place to find hallucinogens...they speak of 12-ft. lobsters. (6/24). Check out "Outdoors" for specifics. The Theater for the New City takes B'way south; various productions of wacky themes begin 8/17. Don't miss a ferocious car show feat. I-Roc Z28's & guys named Guido.

     

    B.W.A.C.

    Brooklyn Working Artists Coalition, Pier 9, Brooklyn, 718-596-2907. Red Hook nonprofit, artist-run organization hosts exhibit at Pier 9; 800 original pieces by 200 artists on display. Plus live music & refreshments. Contact Andrew McConnel for directions & specifics. Runs every weekend through 6/17.

     

    CELEBRATE BROOKLYN

    Prospect Park, Grand Army Plaza, 718-875-4047, www.celebratebrooklyn.org A month of free outdoor events (July-Aug.) incl. concerts in the bandshell & movie screenings w/musical accompaniment. See "Music" & "Film" sections or call for info. On your way to the bandshell give our regards to Slivka, 11th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.).

     

    CENTRAL PARK CONSERVATORY

    Central Park, 212-348-4867, www.centralparknyc.org Learn basic skills w/tai chi, gong fu or yoga at the North Meadow Rec. Center (midpark at 97th St.), free to public. Join a curator-led tour through Conservatory Garden, meets daily at the Vanderbilt Gate (5th Ave. & 105th St.), 11-12. Ravine Retreat, enjoy a guided tour of the North Woods, 11-12:30 (6/2, 6/16 & 6/30). Wheel Fun, an informational bike-riding scavenger hunt (6/9). Father's Day Serenade on 5th Ave. (105th St.) feat. the Mannes School of Music's brass quartet (6/17, 3:30). J.P. Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge 2 is a bunch of suits & former fratboys running some silly race along 75th St. (6/20). Summer Solstice Tour?tour the heart of the park at sunset w/historian Sara Cedar Miller (6/21, 6-9). New York Philharmonic performs on the Great Lawn betw. 79th & 80th Sts. (7/10). Shakespeare in the Park at the Delacorte Theater (7/24-8/19). J.P. Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge 3 is a 3.5-mile run/walk (7/25). Terracotta Turtles is a day of learning about turtles at 110th St. (Lenox Ave.) (6/2). Harlem Meer Performance Festival feat. blues, jazz, salsa & gospel, call for sched. (5/27-9/2).

     

    CHANGE-YOUR-MIND DAY

    Great Hill, Central Park, 106th St. (midpark), 800-950-7008, www.tricycle.com Eighth-annual afternoon of music, mind exercise & meditation sponsored by Tricycle: The Buddhist Review. Tailored to novices as well as masters, w/special children's programs. Festival starts 6/2. Call for complete sched.

     

    CIRCUS AMOK

    Various locations throughout city, 212-358-5079, www.circusamok.org Free outdoor circuses performed throughout Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens & the Bronx. Big Top Pee-Wee bred. The result? A traveling theater group w/performance art & traditional circus shenanigans. Intertwining themes promote political funnies & cultural queries. A bastion of overachieving drama majors sticking it to the people. Call for locales, dates, times & prices.

     

    CREATIVE TIME IN THE ANCHORAGE

    Brooklyn Anchorage, Cadman Plaza W. (betw. Hicks & Old Front Sts.), Bklyn., 212-206-6674, x251, www.creativetime.org Artists join forces w/electronic musicians & the ambient hum of Brooklyn Bridge for massive multimedia installation, starts 5/30. DJs, art exhibits & parties in cavernous Brooklyn Bridge Anchorage celebrates their fifth year of performances. Check website for sched.

     

    BIG APPLE CONVENTION

    Church Aud., 60th St. (Columbus Ave.), 718-326-2713. Attention all virgins, 30 & over, living in mom's basement: The comic book convention of all comic book conventions is coming 7/8, 10-6. Special guests galore incl. WWF's Iron Sheik, Debbie Dynasty (aka Vampire Mermaid) plus hordes of costumed heroes in attendance. Visiting artists incl. Scott Roberts, Mark Beachum, Big Hairy Ape Comics, Mike Lily, David Fox, Fernando Irons, Tim Vigil, David Quinn & drawing lessons w/Graig Weich. Comics editor Mike Gold will teach the high art of comic book writing. Win Amazing Spider-Man #14 or X-Men #94 in the Big Apple Raffle.

     

    DANCES FOR WAVE HILL

    Wave Hill, W. 249th St. (Indep. Ave.), Bronx, 718-549-3200, www.wavehill.org "Beauty in the Bronx" isn't a Wayans comedy or a funny play on Disney movies past. Nope. Just a device we're using to capture the 28-acre Bronx funpit Wavehill is. Beg. 7/11 & running through 7/15, two outdoor performances known as "Dances at Wave Hill" will take place, as part of Dancing in the Streets. Series is described as "in-town festival with out-of-town ambience."

     

    DOMINICAN DAY PARADE

    6th Ave. (39th-58th Sts.), 8/19 at 1 p.m. Similar to Puerto Rican Day Parade, but a different flag will be taped to the hood. From past Central Park events, we learned Dominicans don't like to hear about these similarities, so it would be wise not to mention the Puerto Rican festivities.

     

    TAKE-HOME-A-NUDE 2001

    New York Academy of Art, 111 Franklin St. (betw. W. B'way & Church St.), 212-966-0300, www.artnet.com/nyacademy Some big hitters are closing in on this annual silent auction. Remember the guy who goes around the world wrapping shit up in hordes of material? Christo & wife Jeanne-Claude's work will be exhibited. Tony Bennett & David Bowie are also showing works. Is it me or is that like the time Jordan decided to play baseball? I hope not. Works will be exhibited 6/1-6/6. Auction tickets range from $175-$500.

     

    FLEET WEEK CELEBRATION

    Pier 86, (W. 46th St. & 12th Ave.), 212-245-0072, www.intrepidmuseum.org Come for tug-of-war on the pier. A "premier thank-you" to those lost in battle sponsored by Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum. Is it rational to honor dead soldiers w/a game featuring the word "war" around the world & watch military demonstrations. Huh? Mock search & rescues, pier raids & parachute landings. Yes, reenactments of how people die to "honor" the dead. 5/23-5/29. Admission varies. See also "Maritime Attractions" for other Intrepid events.

     

    FORGET-ME-NOT BALL

    Grand Central Station, 110 42nd St. (Park Ave.), 212-983-0700. The press release for this thing doesn't mention charity, research or anything relating to patient care. Shameless decadence, the Mayor, forgotten entertainers & the Kingston Trio to headline. Party w/Pataki for $5, which might go to help, or not. (6/7).

     

    FRIENDS OF THE FRENCH CULINARY INSTITUTE, INC.

    462 B'way (Broome St.), 646-254-7512. Throw back a couple of cocktails, then bid on donated art for the future of kitchen jockeys! $125 for admission plus whatever they get you drunk enough to buy. Opening reception begins at 7. Call for reservations (6/4).

     

    L.E.S. FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS

    Theater for the New City, 155 1st Ave. (betw. 9th & 10th Sts.), 212-254-1109. Sixth-annual three-day montage of hundreds of multinational performers & artists hawking their work. Family plays & cabarets?best to wear New York black. Something called "commedia" may either be funny or require a translator. Call for sched. of events.

     

    MACY'S FIREWORKS DISPLAY

    East River, midtown, 212-494-4495 after 6/1. The higher up you are, the better. And hopefully w/beer can & dog in hand. Starts at dusk or somewhere close to 9 p.m. (7/4).

     

    MUSEUM OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK

    1220 5th Ave. (115th St.), 212-534-1672. Thick calendar of events beginning mid-May. Multicultural exhibits running huge gamut. Continuing ed courses avail. plus lectures by "distinguished speakers" & discussions covering range of social issues. Call for sched.

     

    MUSEUM MILE

    Selected museums along 5th Ave. (betw. 82nd & 104th Sts.). Call for full sched., 212-606-2296. 5th Ave. is closed to traffic & New York's 12 best museums are free from 6 p.m.-9 p.m. (6/12).

     

    PHILIPPINE INDEPENDENCE DAY PARADE & FESTIVAL

    Madison Ave. (23rd-41st St.). A celebration of liberation from those in Spain circa 1898. Loud & crazy, but low-key in comparison to customary NYC parades (6/3).

     

    POETRY PROJECT

    St. Mark's Church, 10 E. 10th St. (5th Ave.), 212-529-2318, www.poetryproject.com Come "...romp through the past & present of American poetry theater." Started by Paul Blackburn in 1966, the project has remained dedicated to finding new talent & nurturing the old. "There are other reading series in New York City but none matches the breadth of the Project, nor has any other developed a community whose devotion is half so intense." ?William Corbett (5/28 at 8 p.m.).

     

    PUERTO RICAN DAY PARADE

    5th Ave. (44th-86th Sts.). Since the parade's inception in 1958 this debacle has drawn some of the largest crowds for any event in the city. 100,000 people march annually. Thanks to last year's events we think all women should be armed w/stun guns, brass knuckles & bras w/titanium spikes dipped in some rare & viscous poison (6/10).

     

    SUMMER RESTAURANT WEEK New York City, 212-484-1238. 120 restaurants collaborate to host giant prix-fixe. Portion of proceeds go to Citymeals-on-Wheels & Share Our Strength hunger relief organizations. Three-course lunch at any location is $20.01, no matter how fancy. 200 restaurants will offer sidewalk tastings. Reserve for the hotspots at least a week in advance. Remember, rednecks, dress appropriately for flashy joints. Call for participating restaurants (6/21-6/29).

     

    TOYOTA COMEDY FESTIVAL

    Carnegie Hall, 881 7th Ave. (57th St.), 212-247-7800. New York's annual 30-venue comedy fandango w/lots of famous acts like the infamous "Big Bottom" Spinal Tap, who'll be opening the show 6/4 (the only East Coast tour stop during their "Back from the Dead" tour). The Smothers Brothers, Bill Maher, the Queens of Comedy, Gallagher, Al Franken & every other comic w/an extinguished career (6/1-6/10). Ticket prices range from $50-$75. Call for dates, times & a complete list of performers.

     

    WASHINGTON SQ. OUTDOOR ART EXHIBIT

    Washington Sq. Park, 5th Ave. (Waverly Pl.), 212-982-6255. Annual exhibition by more than 200 artists invades the 20 blocks surrounding Washington Sq. for five days (5/26, 5/27, 5/28, 6/2 & 6/3). Past artists incl. DeKooning & Pollock. Diverse range of mediums displayed, for example oils, pastels, glass, ceramics, photography & more.

     

    Family & Kids' Activities

    ABRONS ART CENTER

    Henry St. Settlement, 466 Grand St. (Pitt St.), 212-598-0400. Outreach through arts for "at-risk" children. Most courses are 15 weeks. Quickly re-enroll your "at-risk" child before he falls headlong into recidivism. Keep your "at-risk" off the street, out of my pocket & in The Up & Taller Initiative. Patrons garner financial support for the 4000 kids who loiter at Abrons. Nearly every conceivable distraction from squalor & felonious activity for your little thugs. Enough disciplines to keep all of them busy.

     

    ABT SUMMER INTENSIVE

    American Ballet Theatre Studios, 890 B'way, 5th fl. (19th St.), 212-477-3030, x3281, www.abt.org Expose kids to the history, repertoire & artists of the ABT during their national training program (7/2-8/10) in NYC. Students learn technique, nuances of performance & how to avoid injuries; min. of four classes are taken per day.  

    AMERICAN CRAFT MUSEUM

    40 W. 53rd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-956-3535. Summer programs explore materials & techniques applied in the exhibitions. Camps & workshops avail. Emphasis on cultural exploration & origin of said crafts.

     

    AMERICAN MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY

    Central Park W. (79th St.), 212-769-5800. Tons upon tons of dead eye-candies for the young & old alike. What's better than an elephant? Dead ones stuffed in aggressive stances covering floor space in a lobby! Darn tootin'. Dinosaur junkies get your fix here too. Room after room of fossils. No place outside of Chicago's Field Museum can compare. The best Planetarium anywhere bubbles on the north end. It ain't no boil. Truly something to see.

     

    ART-ON-SITE 2001

    Queens Museum of Art, NYC Building, Flushing Meadows, Corona Park (Grand Central Pkwy), Queens, 718-592-9700. Hands-on workshops for kids. Clay building façades, watercolor, clay animals, decorative picture frames & just about anything you can think of. Classes are tailored to interest of children 5-14. At $3 per participant it's the cheapest activity since going to the park or the beach, basketball court or well, going outside. Call for sched. Classes begin 6/10.  

    ASPHALT GREEN AQUA CENTER

    1750 York Ave. (91st St.), 212-369-8890. Water wonderland built in former Municipal Asphalt Plant. Kids swim in 50-meter, Olympic-size pool; smaller pool for waterbabies classes & physical therapy. The Fitness Center also has regulation-size, artificial turf soccer field, kid-sized basketball court, elevated indoor running track, playground at York St. entrance & an on-site puppet theater, the Lenny Suib Puppet Playhouse.

     

    BRONX ZOO/WILDLIFE CONSERVATION PARK

    185th St. (Southern Blvd.), 718-367-1010, www.bronxzoo.com or www.wcs.org One of the best zoos in the world still peddles cheese to kiddies. Oh Baby! Thank springtime animal coupling for this little gem. Bunches of baby critters on display summerlong. Animal Dads (6/16 & 6/17), the day of homage to the pitching end of coupling. Animal moms receive no acknowledgment for their duties before they are systematically slaughtered & burned. Not to worry! This only happens if they are victims of hoof & mouth disease. Congo Babies (7/7-7/8) is baby Congo gorilla Suki's day. The Zoo's unscrupulous naming of the animal again rehashes references to springtime coupling. Sssnakes & Friends (7/14-7/15)...fun w/baby snakes...okay? Jungle Juniors (7/21-7/22), Latin baby monkeys?most likely, they're so cute it's bothersome. African Play Date is "bring your babies to see our babies?from baboons to okapis" day. If you did some springtime coupling last year, bring your specimens (8/27-8/28). Technicolor Toddlers (9/1-9/3), ugly rumors persist suggesting it's a day of learning about zoo babies w/festive coloring. Summer camps run July-August. Pablo Python Looks at Animals is five days of pointing & jeering at the funny-looking creatures. Introduces kids ages 5-7 to different "colors, patterns & sizes...of animals." This slap in the intelligent kid's face runs $195-$220. Animal Kingdom Camp is an "exploration of the wonders of wildlife" for 12-year-olds, which runs five days long. They'll be teaching your kid to use binoculars to identify individual zebras in case the situation arises again later in life.

     

    BROOKLYN CHILDREN'S MUSEUM

    145 Brooklyn Ave. (St. Marks Ave.), Bklyn., 718-735-4400. "Adventures into Books: Gumby's World" (through 6/29). Exhibit is undoubtedly complemented by some A-hole in a Gumby suit. So many events having nothing to do w/Gumby I won't list them. "Together in The City," a centennial exhibit examining people "Being Together in the City." Only one better way to view this phenomenon...can you guess how?

     

    CENTRAL PARK CONSERVANCY

    14 E. 60th St. (Central Park), 212-310-6636. Tons of stuff for the family this summer! Eighth annual Harlem Meer Performance Festival (5/27-9/2), Sundays 4-6, feat. free jazz, blues, Latin & gospel music on the waterfront incl. performances by veteran sax-man who performed w/Gillespie & Davis, Jimmy Heath & Friends (5/27), Harlem Blues & Jazz Band (6/3) & more. Catch & Release Fishing Season through Oct. Park lends bamboo rods to kids to fish Harlem Meer, which is stocked w/50,000 fish annually. Get your pole at 110th St. (5th & Lenox Aves.) at the Charles A. Dana Discovery Center. Photographers on-site to capture the prize catches. Numerous other activities, incl. climbing instruction, fitness classes plus nature & science workshops, call for info.

     

    CENTRAL PARK WILDLIFE CENTER

    64th St. (5th Ave.), 212-439-6528. Celebrate international migratory birds. Migration Sensation (5/12), "for bird lovers of all ages." Screw lions & tigers?migratory birds! Luckily they have Chill Out! (8/4-8/5), polar bears writhing in 600 pounds of sizzling blubber in the New York summer heat.

     

    CHARLES WAY FOOTBALL CAMP

    East Stroudsburg University, PA. 800-555-0801, www.footballcamps.com Improve ass-whooping skills w/the NY Giants' Greg Comella, Howard Cross, Mike Cherry, Sam Garnes & others we've never heard of! Boys ages 8-18 welcome. Camp host & Heisman trophy winner Ron Dayne says, "Our main goal is to send each boy home a better citizen w/a more positive outlook on life...also teach them how to be a better football player." If you buy that, call for times & dates.  

    CHELSEA PIERS SPORTS & ENTERTAINMENT COMPLEX

    Piers 59-62., 23rd St. (Hudson River), 212-336-6500. 1.7-million-sq.-ft. complex. Try out the largest rock climbing wall in the Northeast, the longest indoor track in the world (quarter mile) or the only indoor ice-skating rinks. Also outdoor, professionally surfaced in-line skating rink. Chelsea Piers also offers requisite soccer fields, basketball courts & batting cages, not to mention a gymnastics facility, bowling lanes & golf driving range. Various classes for young enthusiasts.

     

    CHILDREN'S MUSEUM OF THE ARTS

    182 Lafayette St. (betw Broome & Grand Sts.), 212-274-0986. Are you looking to dump a child age 6-11 for a week? The Summer Art Colony 2001 offers various guises under the moniker "day-camp." Drawing & Painting (6/18-6/22) explores drawing from life to stretching canvas. Mask & Mold Making (6/25-6/29) inspires ethnic disguise construction. Photography (7/23-7/27), only a toddler from the Upper East Side has such hobbies. Ceramics (8/20-8/24) is an easy A in most public schools. $400-$500 per week, materials, fields trips, special guest (because 6-year-olds love a special guest) & snacks incl.

     

    CHILDREN'S SCULPTURE GARDEN

    Cathedral of St. John the Divine, 1047 Amsterdam Ave. (112th St.), 212-662-4481. Sculptor-in-residence Greg Wyatt invites children of all ages to marvel at 120 whimsical miniature bronze works designed by kids and that surround his towering "Peace Fountain." Somewhat surreal, with an elegance that both rivals & aptly complements the spectacular (& still under construction) cathedral itself, the garden is a must-see?perfect setting for contemplation, meditation or a simple lunchtime visit. Open daily 9-6.

      CLIMB ON! North Meadow Recreation Center, Central Park (midpark at 97th St.), 212-348-4867. Young people are taught basics of climbing & rope management skills. Equipment provided. sched. varies, call for details.

     

    CONSERVATORY GARDEN

    105th St. (5th Ave.), 212-860-1382. New York's only formal garden feat. six acres of flower beds, manicured lawns, tree-covered walkways & two sculpted fountains. If you wanna get hitched in the park this is the place to do it. "Rise & Shine" walks Sat., 11 a.m. (through 10/28).  

    EMPIRE STATE BLDG. OBSERVATORY 34th St. (5th Ave.), 212-736-3100. Where else can you see five states at once for only a few dollars? (That's Connecticut, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania & New York.)

     

    EVERETT CHILDREN'S ADVENTURE GARDEN/NEW YORK BOTANICAL GARDEN

    200th St. (Kazimiroff Blvd.), Bronx, 718-817-8700. Call for info about special workshops. Kids learn about ancient botany & geology. Ruth Rea Howell Family Garden is now open. Discover the fun of gardening, learning about flowers & herbs; plus demonstrations & compost facility. Highlights incl. animal garden, reflection garden, row row row your boat, flower bed, plant philharmonic & shoe families.

     

    FILM SOCIETY OF LINCOLN CENTER

    Walter Reade Theater at Lincoln Center, 165 W. 65th St. (B'way), 212-875-5600. Movies for children, call for complete sched.

     

    GIFTED YOUNG ARTISTS PROGRAM

    The Educational Alliance, 197 E. B'way (Jefferson St.), 212-780-2300. Summer art courses for kids ages 12-19. Classes incl. painting, cartooning, oil painting, photography, drawing or life drawing. All courses begin 7/9 and run through 8/16, $50/course. Call to register.

     

    HIPPO PARK PLAYGROUND

    Riverside Park, 91st St. (Riverside Dr.). Thirteen model hippos, seven adults & six babies, are poised in perpetual mid-play in this park, some wading & some wallowing. Children can cavort in one of the few parks with a full-time playground attendant. Aside from the hippopotami, children can also play on swings, slides, seesaws & in sandboxes.

     

    ISLAND HELICOPTER

    34th St. Heliport, 34th St. (East River), 212-683-4575, www.cityinsights.com/nyisland.htm There are several helicopter sight-seeing services in Manhattan, but this one is the oldest. Prices vary according to route, but typical trip is from the UN, over the East River & the Brooklyn Bridge, past the World Trade Center to the Statue of Liberty. Daily trips from 9-9.

     

    LA MANO POTTERY

    237 W. 18th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-627-9450. Day & eve. classes in wheel throwing & hand-building for kids & adults. Eight-week course incl. classes, all materials plus open studio time. Summer classes held in garden, 11-1 & 7-9 p.m., $300.  

    MAYA THE BEE

    Bleecker Theatre, 45 Bleecker St. (Lafayette St.), 212-529-4530. Billed as a "jazz-puppet-play" for children 3-9. Original score accompanies story of two young bees yearning for adventure. What is life like outside the hive? Tickets are $7 for kids, $15 adults.  

    MUSEUMKIDS

    Metropolitan Museum of Art, 1000 5th Ave. (82nd St.), 212-570-3961. Family programs incl. film screenings, tours of the museum, gallery workshops, introduction to the encyclopedia collection & storytelling?call for complete sched. & times, free w/mus. adm. (through 6/9).

     

    MUSEUM OF MODERN ART

    11 W. 53rd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-708-9400. Family tours, children's art projects & musical events. For info on other family programs, call 212-708-9805 or see weekly listings.

     

    MUSEUM MILE

    Selected museums along 5th Ave. (betw. 82nd & 104th Sts.). Call for full sched., 212-606-2296. 5th Ave. is closed to traffic & New York's best museums open free from 6 p.m.-9 p.m., 6/12. Lots of street art & entertainment geared toward children. Sign the suckers up for mapmaking or finger painting. Harlem "street artist" plus James De La Vega will be on hand to teach kids a thing or two about graffiti.  

    NATIONAL MUSEUM OF THE AMERICAN INDIAN/SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION

    George Gustav Heye Center, 1 Bowling Green (betw. State & Whitehall Sts.), 212-514-3823. Fourth annual Children's Festival (5/19 & 5/20) feat. Native American dancing, puppetry & educational films. Lakota dance troupe "Deer Chaser" also performs. All events free. Open daily, 10-5.

     

    NBC STUDIO TOUR

    30 Rockefeller Plaza, 50th St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-664-4000. If it's difficult to pry your children away from the tube, try luring them outside with the promise of a trip to the land from whence television programs come. Stargazing opportunities abound.

     

    THE NEW-YORK HISTORICAL SOCIETY

    2 W. 77th St. (Central Park W.), 212-873-3400. Sat. 11-12:30, free w/mus. adm. New-York Historical Society feat. weekly series for families. Travel back in time to when NYC was a Dutch colony during Origins of New York workshop. Rustic recreations & relics charm the kiddies. Call for sched. of events or see weekly listings for more info.  

    NEW YORK WATERWAY CRUISES

    Pier 78, 38th St. (Hudson River), 800-533-3779. At 90 minutes, this trip is half as long & therefore twice as kid-tolerable as the oldest & best-known of the city-circling cruises. While it doesn't make a complete city circuit, it does hit all the important sites incl. the Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn Bridge & Empire State Bldg. Tour guides on deck with interesting history & trivia.

     

    NY TRANSIT MUSEUM

    Boerum Pl. (Schermerhorn St.), Bklyn., 718-243-3060. Are you a parent who puts your interests ahead of your child's? Remember your model train set? It wasn't timeless. Leave the boy at home. Unless it has fangs, blows up, deals w/a monitor or lasts less than 30 minutes w/commercial breaks, kids don't care. A Saturday lecture is one hell-fire way to top your kid's shit list. Educational workshop for the whole family? Museum offers various programs & tours for children, summer sched. TBA, call 718-243-8601 for info.

     

    BIG APPLE COMIC BOOK, ART & TOY SHOW St. Paul's Church Aud., Columbus St. (60th St.), 718-326-2713. If you live in your mother's basement & are age 25-35, get up before noon on 7/8. WWF wrestler Iron Sheik will be in attendance! Win X-Men #94 or Amazing Spider-Man #14 (valued at $0-$400). Seminars & art classes to make up for college! Attention virgins over 40...Debbie Dynasty (aka Vampire Mermaid) is coming!!! $6 gets you in.  

    92nd St. Y

    1395 Lexington Ave. (92nd St.), 212-996-1100, www.92ndsty.org The Y offers variety of camps, classes & activities for kids of all ages incl. gymnastics, swimming, basketball & tennis. Art classes, incl. metalwork & jewelry. Music classes incl. classical & jazz piano. Dance lessons incl. jazz & hiphop. Also arts & recreation programs for children w/developmental disabilities. Call for catalog, more info or to reg.  

    OHEL TEEN PROGRAM

    4510 16th Ave. (45th St.), Bklyn., 718-851-6300. "Jewish teens as well as parents & families need somewhere to turn." Screw the rest of you! Programs for troubled adolescent Jews.

     

    POWER HOUSE BASEBALL ACADEMY

    57 Todd Hill, Goldens Bridge, NY, 800-723-6398, www.powerhouseacademy.com Now recruiting NYC high school baseball players (ages 13-19) for possible scholarship opportunities. Participate in five-day instructional "showcase" in Florida's Cocoa Epo Sports Complex. College coaches from U. of Florida, Wake Forest, U. of Alabama, Clemson U. & the Citadel make up part of the staff. Spots are awarded on a first-come, first-served basis.  

    PROSPECT PARK PLAYGROUND

    Imagination Playground, Ocean Ave. (Lincoln Rd.), Park Slope, www.prospectpark.org After an $800,000 renovation in 1995, this playground tops the other four in Prospect Park & is quoted as the park's "most fanciful and innovative play area." So, bring the kids (ages 2-10) to Brooklyn for creative workshops every Saturday afternoon. Plus there'll be readings & hopefully some climbing the 6-foot water-spouting dragon fountain. Storyteller Tammy Hall returns to Prospect Park for interactive "Folk Stories from Around the World," which encourages audience members to role-play (6/2, 6/23, 6/30, 7/14, 7/28 at 2 & 3).  

    ROOSEVELT ISLAND AERIAL TRAM

    60th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-832-4543. This three-and-a-half-minute trip, 250 feet above East River in a four-sided glass cable car, offers kids another way to see city skyline. Once you get to the other side, Roosevelt Island has beautiful community gardens, a pint-sized lighthouse & an ideal picnicking park.  

    SOCRATES SCULPTURE PARK

    31-29 Vernon Blvd. (B'way), L.I.C., 718-965-1819. This place was originally an illegal garbage dump until sculptor Mark di Suvero reclaimed it in 1985. Today, the 4.5-acre park is home to dozens of sculptures that kids are actually encouraged to sit on, play with, climb over & hang from. If you're lucky, you may get to witness a sculptor in the middle of welding a piece together.

     

    SONY WONDER TECHNOLOGY LAB

    550 Madison Ave. (56th St.), 212-833-8100, www.wondertechlab.sony.com Sat. & Sun. afternoon workshops for children on robots, basic properties of light, cameras & sound effects. Call for sched.

     

    SOUTH ST. SEAPORT MUSEUM

    213 Water St. (Fulton St.), 212-748-8600, www.southstseaport.org Find out about stars & their relation to mythology & the Japanese Tanabata festival in "It's in the Stars." Plus, learn about signal flags in "Stars & Stripes" or attend "Summer Sea Camp" & learn about the life of a sailor. Call museum for sched., times & price.

     

    SUMMER DANCE FOR KIDS

    Broadway Dance Center, 221 W. 57th St., 5th fl. (B'way), 212-582-9304, www.bwydance.com Six-week program for children ages 6-12 in pre-dance, hiphop & theater dance, plus ballet, tap & jazz combo. Class programs range from $75-$90.

     

    TEN STAR ALL-STAR BASKETBALL CAMP

    704-568-6801, Locations nationwide. Either your kid is one of the best or you're one of the richest. Boys ages 8-19 & girls 10-19 may apply. If, by chance, you happen to be an All-American, you may apply for a scholarship & to one of many, many locations throughout the country. Michael Jordon, Tim Duncan, Vince Carter, Grant Hill, Bobby Hurley & Christian Laettner are past participants. Someone told them they may apply. You may apply to Harvard...your chances are about the same. Call for an evaluation form. Registration runs through July.

     

    VANDERBILT Y SUMMER CAMPS

    Several locations around Manhattan, call 212-756-9600 for catalog. Sports camps for seven different sports: performing arts camp, New York City camp w/field trips around city, tutorial camp for children who need help in math & reading, nursery camp, teen camp & even an after-camp camp.

     

    WHITNEY MUSEUM OF AMERICAN ART

    945 Madison Ave. (75th St.), 212-570-7710, www.whitney.org Permanent collection incl. masterworks by Hopper, Calder, O'Keeffe & others. Free museum "Look Out" tours for families every Sat. at 1 p.m. & "Family Fun!" workshops selected Sat. mornings from 9-11. Call for sched.

     

    YOUTH THEATER? HISTORY CAMP

    Mount Vernon Hotel Museum & Garden, 421 E. 61st St. (1st Ave.), 212-838-6878. Kids ages 12-15 encouraged to participate in weeklong adventure of history & theater at museum's historic 18th-century landmark site. Activities incl. role-playing, drama games, developing characters & scenes, costume design from 19th century, readings plus utilizing historic artifacts. Classes run Mon.-Fri., 7/30-8/3, from 9-3, $100-$110 per session.

     

    YWCA?NYC

    610 Lexington Ave. (54th St.), 212-735-9731. In summer your kids should be locked indoors cranking out decorative crafts! I've heard sun melts the computer generation, so shoot the suckers down to the girlie Y for Craft Students League. Parents are welcome participants. All techniques for sweatshop management are taught here: beading, ceramics, decorative finishes, enameling, jewelry/metalsmithing, papermaking & woodworking. Legit concentrations incl. drawing & painting, mixed media & book arts. Why summer leisure when you can enamel? Call for complete sched.