Swallow Like a Gerbil
I moved to the USA from Wales a few months ago to be with my American girlfriend. I love her a lot. We have problems (doesn't every couple?), but here's the biggie: I am uncircumcised, as are all Europeans, and she keeps begging me to get snipped. She says "all American guys are cut; it will be much better if you do it too." She is putting pressure on me and I am afraid if I don't do it, she may dump me for a clean-cut man. Does the operation hurt? What are the pros and cons? I really like my willy just the way it is, but I am whipped.
-Sean Cockery
85% of men are uncut, just as nature intended. Long ago, somewhere in the U.S., someone thought boys were too lazy to push back the skin on their cock to clean it, so it's best to save them the trouble and just cut it off at birth. I am sure this hurts beyond belief and can't believe people are still ignorant enough to do that to their new-born baby boys. Would your girlfriend make her tits bigger or smaller if you asked her to? I doubt it. Changing for anyone is always a bad idea, unless it means quitting a bad habit like smoking or drinking too much. Tell her it's "as is" and if she doesn't like it, she can find one of the 15% of cut men for her date. On a personal note, I prefer men uncut, in their natural state, the full Monty.
I love your column! I took your advice and have started to swallow my man's tide to make him happy, but I choke on it every time and end up spitting it out, which makes him even more pissed off than he was when I wouldn't swallow it in the first place. I am trying but can't seem to get it all down. How the hell do you do that?
-Sandy
When you feel him about to shoot his load, aim it towards the side of your mouth and save it like a Gerbil saves his nuts. Take tiny sips; just swallow a tiny bit at a time. Trying to swallow it all at once would make most people gag. Try not to have him aim towards the back of your throat; that is asking for trouble. If he asks why is it taking you so long to swallow, tell him you are savoring it, like a fine wine.
I fucked a guy on the first date and now I am wondering if it could ever last. We were both so excited and a bit drunk, and couldn't resist. But now I think I really like him. How can I turn what was supposed to be a one-night stand into love? I really want this guy!
-Pamela
What will be, will be. As old fashioned as it sounds, it still holds true: Sleeping with a guy on the first date will discredit you a bit. The thing is, the longer you make him wait, the more he'll trust you. If he has to wait months to get you into bed, he will trust that when you go out on the town with your friends, nothing naughty will happen. If you shagged on the first date, he may be thinking (even if it is subconsciously) that you could do the same when he isn't around. In other words, if it was easy for him to fuck you, it could be easy for other guys too. Try not drinking around him for the next few dates to show him that the alcohol was partly to blame for your "easy" behavior. If the guy is into you, he will keep after you; if he isn't, you will know about it. Let him lead the way, don't try to make things better by chasing him or showing extra amounts of attention and love, or worst of all, apologizing.
I am taking an acting class and there is this hot Latino chick who sits across from me and I am so into her, I spank my monkey almost nightly thinking about her. She has a big diamond ring on her finger, so I am sure she is taken; either married or engaged, but taken. Do you think married chicks fuck around? How could I find out? I have to fuck this girl or I will die. I would walk 10 miles on broken glass to use her shit as toothpaste. Help me out!
-Jimmy Jones
Of course taken girls fuck around. You would just have to give her a damn good reason to. If she has a big rock, chances are she may think "if you can offer me a bigger rock/cock I might," but she may not want to risk losing her man. There is only one way to find out and that's to ask her in a clever way. Just as married men tell women, "well, yes, I am married, but we are heading towards divorce" or the ever popular "My wife hasn't fucked me in years, please save me," taken women also will let you know how faithful they are. Try this one: "Wow, what an amazing ring. You must be madly in love huh?" or "How long have you been happily married?" Both of those questions will get you the answer you are looking for. If she says "yes, I am madly in love" then your answer is, "No way, fuck face." If she says, "Well, I love the ring, but my man ignores me/is dead/is in jail/hates me" then you have your invitation. May I rot in hell for helping people cheat.
drdot@drdot.com