Taki's Boy Botches It; A High Times Hippie Attacks Cabal; Angry Indians; MUGGER, Ugly American?

Not being a stickler for journalistic integrity, I usually don't have a problem with writers doing a little pilfering here and there. But Toby Young's latest ("Taki's Top Drawer," 8/16) crosses the line, especially with all the heat you guys have given Mike Barnicle for similar offenses over the past few years. I'm afraid you have a Barnicle on board yourselves. Mr. Young's little tale, about being in a British ice cream parlor with Tom Cruise when a woman?supposedly so overcome by Cruise's presence/handsome looks?deposits her cone into her purse and leaves the store, is one of the oldest urban legends going.

I first heard this one about five years ago as a college freshman when a classmate told me his aunt had been in a Connecticut store with Paul Newman and was so overcome by those famous blue eyes that she put the cone in her purse and hurried out of the store. In fact, the tale is so old, I have even heard it summarized as a kind of description for someone. For example, "He's so handsome he leaves women with their ice cream in their handbags."

I mean, could this be a coincidence that Mr. Young just so happened to see this old folktale actually come to life? I guess it's possible, but it seems quite a stretch. I know New York Press doesn't pretend to be a bastion of the codes of journalism (and that's one of the reasons I like reading it so much), but this one's pretty bad. Glass houses and all that.

Also, would you please consider removing that putrid, flashing image of the raccoon buggering the hound from your online ad for J.T. LeRoy? Now that it's spread to nearly every page on the site, it has become rather offensive. It's just a bit much, especially early in the morning and when trying to read New York Press at work. That's a tough one to explain to your boss.

Chris Zwahlen, Boston

The editors reply: What, you mean we're not the bastion of codes The Boston Globe is? The New Republic? Brill's Content? We were almost liking you there for a minute, Chris.

Toby has admitted that it was a friend who told him that story; Toby thought it was real, and put himself into the story to give it more immediacy. His column has been suspended until October.

Your Time Is Gonna Come

MUGGER: It is time for you, if only briefly, to make contact with reality. Bush/Cheney (Dull/Duller) will be beaten soundly in November. Al Gore hit a home run with his convention speech last Thursday night, as did Joe Lieberman the night before (and of course Willie was huge on Monday). The Republican ticket is an atavistic nightmare. Get over yourself.

S.J. Denise, Tarrytown

This, Boys, Is the Famous Saskatoon

MUGGER: Take your kids fishing. They will only be boys once. Show them how to bait a hook. Use live minnows. They must get over squeamishness.

Consider demonstrating safe handling of firearms when they are older.

Take them to Canada.

It's good to think of something other than politics for a change.

Brian R. Higgins, Manhattan

Whineberg

Re: Alan Cabal's reference to yours truly in his so-called "coverage" of the Republican convention ("Elephant Walk: Triumph of the W," 8/16):

I consider it a long overdue honor to be dissed in the pages of your vile and smarmy rag?and especially to be dissed by Cabal, who waves pom-poms for Buchanan and LaRouche, calls Mumia Abu-Jamal a "Victim Culture poster child" and boasts of blowing his expense budget on call girls. If I wasn't getting dissed by you guys, I wouldn't be doing my job. So thanks for the vindication.

I only find it depressing that New York Press continues to give Cabal's self-indulgent swill front-page billing. Of course, I also find it depressing that New York Press continues to exist. Remember when the alternative to the Village Voice used to be further to the left, like The Other and The Rat?

Oh well, nostalgia is useless. I only hope the pendulum will swing back with a vengeance one day, and the protesters that Cabal sneers at nourish this fervent hope. How about some reportage on the 250 who remain in jail two weeks later, facing real human rights violations? God forbid that New York Press (which calls itself a "weekly newspaper") should actually cover some news.

On the correction tip, I'm an anarchist, not a Stalinist. I know it's a narrow distinction for retrograde ignorami such as yourselves. But a lot of blood was spilled over the question in the 20th century. Try Orwell's Homage to Catalonia, for beginners.

Finally, on the supposed inadequacies of my love life (how does Cabal profess to know, by the way?): if any reactionary but suitably attractive New York Press-reading yuppie babes wish to receive a political education in exchange for a sexual one, they are invited to contact me care of High Times. I'm partial to brunettes and Latin/Mediterranean types.

Prove that your evil little rag is good for something.

Bill Weinberg, High Times, Manhattan

Alan Cabal replies: I have never submitted receipts for dope or sex. That would be unethical, Bill. You say that "nostalgia is useless," and then express your fervent "hope that the pendulum will swing back with a vengeance one day." Which is it, old buddy?

We should do a road trip, you and I: get a couple of hookers and drive to Cheyenne, WY, or some other nifty little burg where you could find out what real people are thinking.

I still have a lot of friends at High Times. Everybody knows, Bill. Do yourself a favor: get a hooker. It'll knock the stench of desperation off your ass and loosen you up a little.

Bad Medicine

What kind of a racist publication are you running there? Can you possibly think that threatening to commit genocide against Native Americans, as you did in the 8/16 "Soup to Nuts," is funny? I will be sure to advise my New York friends and relatives to cancel their subscriptions to your paper and tell you how they feel about your sick attitude toward indigenous people.

Sarah Pallas, Decatur, GA

Cherokee Maiden

My name is Cate Vann, and I am the director of the New Jersey American Indian Community House, located in Princeton, NJ. I also am a federally carded member of the Cherokee Nation, the capital of which is located in Oklahoma. I received several e-mails regarding your recent "review"?maybe "slaughter" would be a more appropriate word?of a restaurant located in New York City.

First, allow me to note that I certainly don't find this type of writing "journalistic," and I am a journalist by profession. An award-winning journalist, at that. I am also an "Injun" by your piece's definition. I would tend to classify the writing in the previously mentioned article as more a "hate crime" than anything else.

Second, the number of American Indian?or Native/Indigenous?people in the Tri-State metro area might stagger you. We're here and we're not the least bit amused by the racist remarks and slurs written by your "reviewer" and purportedly "edited" by someone.

If that "someone" is you, then be assured that you owe an entire race of people a quick, serious apology for allowing both the article and the headlines that were allowed to run.

I would like to talk to you in person about the article before going forward with any action.

Cate Vann, Princeton

NYP Crippled by Apache Boycott!

I just had the displeasure of reading your racist little restaurant review in your 8/16 issue, along with the accompanying insulting racist cartoon.

As a member of the Native American community of New York City, I demand a retraction as well as an apology to the Native community. You apparently have no idea how many Native people are here in New York; or perhaps you just thought none of us would bother to read your paper. Perhaps you thought the Apaches were extinct.

I've got news for you. You will be hearing from them shortly. As the producer of one of the two Native American television shows in New York (and director of the other), as well as a good friend of the producers of one of the leading Native radio programs, we will see that the community hears of the insensitivity of your writers and editors.

We are not amused.

Dean K. Hutchins, Jamaica, NY

Expressing Reservations

To the writer and editor of the horrific 8/16 "Soup To Nuts":

Your article was not only in poor taste, but insulting to any decent citizen who read it. If it was an attempt at humor, it failed. If it was an effort to offend, you succeeded immensely. In my opinion, the job of an editor is to ensure that trash like this does not go into print. It's bad enough that you have writers who would write something so distasteful and insensitive, but the editor has the final word. You both need to publicly apologize to the readers for being insensitive idiots.

To New York Press' CEO: If your staff does not realize that they did anything wrong, you need to fire their asses ASAP! Remember, it is the reader that keeps your publication in circulation. Alienate too many of us, and it will put you out of business. Do you want a boycott on your hands, as well as bad press? Deal with this situation swiftly and severely. That will show your commitment to and appreciation of your readers.

S. Bryant, Manhattan

Heap Big Protest

As a member of the "Injun" community, I'd just like to offer a great big "kiss my red ass!" to all of you for your complete lack of respect for the American Indian communities across the continent. We do not find anything funny in your racist representation of us. Why don't you try this with our black brothers and see what happens? Or the local Italian, Polish or Jewish communities? They'd run your asses into court so quick you wouldn't have time to breathe, that's why.

So let's just make fun of the Indians. Hell, they're just a bunch of trash anyway, right? Wrong! We won't take it, either!

Now how about an apology in your paper to all the Indian people you have insulted?

Mark H. Vosburgh, Albion, NY

Andrey Slivka replies: Amazing that the tossed-off afterthought of a food-notes column could excite such an overreaction. Reading over the "Soup to Nuts" bit that generated the above letters, I think it's a pretty admirable Louis L'Amour/Lonesome Dove pastiche, a self-parodying throwaway exercise in hoary "Old West" cliches, vernacular and motifs that I concocted to offset the tedium of reporting food news, and that contains nothing more offensive than you'd find in a Red Ryder comic book or an episode of Gunsmoke.

I wasn't making fun of Indians, any more than I was making fun of pistoleros, whores, barbers, tequila or any other cliched "Western" references I lampooned in the piece. I'm unashamed.

Readers are directed to this week's "Soup to Nuts," which makes fun of Belgians.

Infernal Press

I have already written several times to congratulate you on William Bryk's fine work.

I read quite a bit of your paper. Initially I did so just for the sanity and general interest of MUGGER and the other political commentary, which at the time was in short supply hereabouts. But Bryk's pieces are a thing apart, evidence of your good taste and a tribute to the abundant (and mostly ignored) historical riches of New York City. This is the sort of thing one can read with interest and profit. I hope you are rewarded for it.

In fact, I hope you are rewarded for it here on Earth, and lavishly, since you are all certainly going to hell for a lot of the other stuff you print.

Thank you for publishing William Bryk.

M.A. Lackner, Manhattan

Shrunken Heads

John Ellis: I found your "Dead Heads" column ("Convergence," 8/16) insightful. I have often considered these same issues myself, having had a 20-year career in broadcasting, as well as a couple of stints as a newspaper copy editor.

But there is an effect that you missed about the dumbing down of talking heads. Once the decision is made to allow market forces (ratings) to drive news decisions, a lot of bad things happen.

For instance, people who 40 or 50 years ago would have been considered on the lunatic fringe are now presented as figures of excellence to the American people. What this does to a generation that grows up thinking that Jesse Jackson?or a Rush Limbaugh, for that matter?represents the pinnacle of thought and reasoned public discourse is incalculable; but if it were, it wouldn't be good news at all.

Another effect: Viewers know pretty much what the usual suspects are going to say on any given topic the networks round them up to talk about. "Yikes! Can't have that...why would anyone watch?" So the race is on to find ever newer (read "trivial") topics of discussion. Not only are the views of the cadre being reinforced in the public mind as the only views on the subject, but trivial topics are presented as being of enough importance to be on television. And we wonder why our society suffers from lingering bouts of polarization?

To sum up, the dumbing down of the talking heads has a much greater effect than just lowering the level of political debate. It lowers the level of understanding that the American electorate aspires to.

This among a populace that has always fallen short of the educated, informed electorate postulated by the framers of the Constitution. (In fairness, the electorate almost always seems to pick someone who, at the very least, will do no harm.) Broadcast news in general, and television news in particular, had the chance to help make concrete the postulates of the framers, and that they have not done so is to their discredit.

But I remain optimistic. There is the Internet. Not the Internet of Yahoo! pages that offer what is essentially network news in another format. There are newsgroups and chatrooms and bulletin boards galore out there. A lot of them are devoted to sex in various forms and degrees, to be sure. But there are tons of non-sex sites too, even though many of them don't smell too good either. But hey, intellectual ferment doesn't always smell like bread rising, and intellectual ferment is what's going on. What we make of this wonderful tool for communicating ideas remains to be seen. But I am sure that those of us who use it will be judged as harshly as I have judged the broadcast news networks.

I am rapidly becoming addicted to the New York Press site, mainly on the strength of columns like yours?well thought-out and plainly but engagingly written. Keep it up.

Thom Aldert, Hyannis, MA

Nice Guy, Too

Re: Christopher Caldwell: That dude can really write!

Paul Mulshine, Bay Head, NJ

Hated in the 80s

In his 8/9 "Art" column, entitled "The Decade That Art Forgot," Christian Viveros-Fauné makes several good points. Trouble is, to decry the resurgence of 80s art, he's resurrecting points about its excesses that we've been hearing since the 80s. Half of what made 80s art was the reaction against it. Yogi Berra, anyone? Viveros-Fauné actually demonstrates that postmodernism is working quicker than ever, and he's wrong to criticize Jeff Koons' Puppy.

Postmodernism suggests that the artist's means of creating new art is to revive the past or elevate what is not traditionally considered art to the status of art. This is where Puppy makes its strides. What Koons elevates to the status of fine art is topiary gardening. What he brings back to art is craft, and, above all, loveliness. This is where Puppy emerges from Koons' other famous work and the rest of the overinflated 80s.

Finally, postmodernism is not a "theory" in conflict with "historical fact," but a simple misnomer. The great masters have been turning non-art into art all along. Off the top of my head: Rembrandt, Picasso and Warhol turned their technical skills?printmaking, ceramics, graphic design?into fine art. Why not Koons and gardening? Why not Martha Stewart?

Dan Burnstein, Brooklyn

Big News, Marc?Brace Yourself

Tell Marc Cooper ("Opinion," 8/19) he means Emily Litella?not Rosanne Rosanadanna.

Matt Murray, Manhattan

If You Only Knew

Would it kill you to keep Dirty Sanchez on the payroll?

Martin Olsen, Staten Island

We Call Him "Mr. T"

Mr. Theodoracopulos has done it again! Just when I think he has written his best column, he writes another one.

Name Withheld, Manhattan

Boesky, Charmer and Wit

I have no idea what Melik Kaylan's background is, genetic or otherwise, although I suspect that his addled thinking and 40-watt prose are the result of the same sort of intensive inbreeding that helped to bring down the "great" houses of Europe whose ethos he so quaintly laments in his recent piece ("Taki's Top Drawer," 8/9).

How else to account for a sensibility so confused that it equates subversion with making embarrassingly unfunny remarks to Alan Greenspan? Or that looks at 80s-era Wall Street as a repository for "spontaneous humor"? Anyone who has spent time around third-grade boys and stockbrokers knows that the latter lift 99 percent of their shtick from the former, yet poor Monsieur Kaylan misses terribly the "higher modes of style and wit" that graced us with the oeuvre of Andrew Dice Clay (nee Silverstein, of the Sheepshead Bay Silversteins), et al.

Quel dommage! MUGGER, I understand that you have a soft spot for pretentious Euros (and Euro wannabes), but can't you at least limit it to writers who make sense?

Love your otherwise excellent paper. Go Sox!

John Davis, Mt. Vernon, NY

He's Underage

Guess your correspondent Spencer Ackerman ("Young, Drunk and Right-Wing," 8/16) had a few too many beers to understand what libertarians are, or even what right-wingers are. Libertarians, to generalize, are conservative on economic issues and liberal on social issues because both those positions require limited government.

Right-wingers don't really want less government. They want more money and more government programs when it comes to military and defense issues.

To call libertarians right-wing is absurd. Right-wingers don't have the same fondness for booze, drugs and sex that libertarians do. Just ask Joe Lieberman!

Name Withheld, Manhattan

Adios, Sweetie

MUGGER: I'd just like to make one last comment before I stop visiting the New York Press website:

Unfortunately, you've turned into Taki. An insufferable, ugly American. You are the nightmare of gracious Americans who go abroad anywhere. If you don't care for the Caribbean (8/16) and its pitiable inhabitants, disgusting food, babymaking machines (otherwise known as black women) and shiftless, unemployed cartoons (otherwise known as black men), then why do you visit?

Your assertions are so common. And yet you didn't realize that Carnivale in the Caribbean is not some hammie reproduction of a state fair. That isn't a shortcoming of St. Lucia; it's simply a reflection of your ignorance. I can only imagine your pampered, petulant family, pouting their way through the vacation, while vociferously calling out orders to the help and showing great disdain toward the St. Lucians for having the audacity to not be American. You're reminiscent of all the English barbarians who, years before, crushed the resistance of the rightful inhabitants?only to rest up by setting up canvas tents and dining on silver platters, served by "island natives."

Ugh. Disgusting. Ugly American.

When did it become uncool to display a modicum of respect for others? Why is the behavior taught by my mother considered p.c.? What are you teaching your children, if not class/racial superiority? If you claim not to be imparting your own feelings of superiority (which are evident in this last column) to your children verbally, believe that they must be picking up on it in other ways.

You must have strolled around the island, nose in the air, like a feudal lord.

Ugly American.

Robecca Glover, Brooklyn

Russ Smith replies: If, in fact, I've turned into Taki, then maybe I'll be able to buy the New York Post when it goes on the market.

However, the correspondent, who lazily uses the cliche "ugly American," is incorrect in her assumption about how I interact with my children. "MUGGER" is written for an adult audience; when we were at the carnival in St. Lucia, the kids were disappointed and I patiently explained that it just wasn't what they expected. Actually, my family and I are extremely gracious tourists, unlike most of the people we encounter when traveling abroad. I certainly don't need a lecture on manners, class consciousness or child-rearing from the likes of this miserable writer. Save it for Mother Jones.

Exploding Plastic Inevitable

"And Johnny Thunders Sucked Anyway" ("The Mail," 8/16). I think it is time for New York Press to put Andrey Slivka back on the food beat. Johnny Thunders was perhaps the most influential New York rocker of the last 30 years. There is no one who can match Johnny's talent, style, passion or charisma. Take it from someone who spent countless nights in front of the stage at Max's Kansas City: Johnny was the best. But, as Johnny sang, "You can't put your arms around a memory. So don't try."

Maybe Drey should stick to his amusing ethnic slurs, because he doesn't know diddly about the history of rock.

Oh, and I know you edit "The Mail," Andrey.

Joseph Mazza, Manhattan

Andrey Slivka replies: Readers should forgive me for stating the obvious, but disliking Johnny Thunders testifies not to an ignorance of rock history, but to a familiarity with it. Most people under 35 have no idea who Thunders even was.

For All the Right Reasons

John Strausbaugh is right on target with his suggestion ("Editorial," 8/9) that the "outsiders" in this year's presidential election?Green Party nominee Ralph Nader and the Reform Party's Pat Buchanan?should be included in the debates. Unfortunately, his only motivation for calling for a four-way debate is that he wants to be entertained.

Nader would turn the debates into the real thing, and bring up subjects those other two ninnies wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole. And yes, it would be a nice bonus that those kinds of debates would be a lot more fun to watch.

Jerry Kann, Queens

Vera Cruz

While, overall, Christopher Caldwell's 8/16 "Hill of Beans" column was well-written and -argued, I'm afraid he erred on one point of fact and unintentionally obscured another, both related to the execution of Oliver David Cruz by the state of Texas.

Caldwell noted that Cruz's IQ was 63. There was also at least one other test. Cruz scored 83 on an earlier exam. A score of 70 generally indicates mental retardation, though even that is no sure measure. Thus the question turns on whether the convicted man understood his crime was wrong.

The circumstances tend to show he did. After raping Kelly Donovan, Cruz went on to eliminate her as a witness by repeatedly stabbing her. A rather certain indicator that, though he was no rocket scientist, Cruz could manage to discern that raping is not generally admired behavior and that, by extension, neither is murder. This, along with the test scores above the 70 mark, were most likely behind the Texas Board of Pardons and Parole's 18-0 decision to proceed with the execution.

Which brings up another point of error, though this one is more implied than outright stated. The governor of Texas cannot pardon a condemned man on his own authority. He can only do so on the recommendation of the Board of Pardons and Parole. Even if Gov. Bush felt Cruz's sentence should have been commuted, he could have no more acted on that impulse than any other average citizen.

Derek Copold, Houston

Was It Ever?

Is it too early for an editorial entitled "The Corruption of Joe Lieberman"?

For my part, nausea has fully set in. The mighty conscience of the Senate has been reduced to a toady for a hack pol like Gore and few Democrats can see the terrible tragedy of it all. Lieberman, whom I once respected, has diminished his integrity beyond repair by abandoning his core beliefs for the mammon of the vice presidency. How seductive and devious is that foul bitch called political power.

It took less than a week for "Virtuous Joe" to split hairs on a handful of ideals that are loathsome to the liberal wing of the Democrats, and Gore's handlers have proved to be the tin-eared bumblers that we knew them to be all along. Instead of Joe elevating Gore from the filthy mire of Clintonism, Lieberman has been pulled under the fetid surface of political expedience. I do not think he will ever be the same again.

Glenn Fairman, Highland, CA

Soup Bones

I don't know about you, but I've certainly had more than I can take of Joseph Lieberman's ugly puss ("MUGGER," 8/16). He makes me cringe. First of all, his effusions of gratitude to Al Gore might have been appropriate to a fireman who saved his kid, or to a kidney donor, but not to a presidential candidate who picked him as a runningmate?and certainly not to this candidate, who has no honor in him (though I will concede that for a Democrat these things are relative). What was all this nonsense about "miracles"? I thought Lieberman was going to kiss Gore's feet for picking him, a lowly Jew, for the largely ceremonial post of vice president.

Then, the conscience of the Senate, who believes that felonies are no disqualification for the Oval Office (he said as much in his apologia in the Congressional Record), flips his position on several issues to please Gore and Maxine Waters. As Ben Domenech put it, Lieberman is "one of those politicians who is forever wrestling with his conscience?and it never seems to win."

And who invented this tale that he is an Orthodox Jew? I thought Orthodox Judaism forbade abortion, among other things. Non-negotiable. It is also not very sympathetic to homosexuality. Even among practicing Jews, Orthodox Jews are quite conservative; I doubt they would find much favor among the company Lieberman keeps. I think he is cloaking himself in Orthodox Judaism as part of his act about being "principled." Forget it. He'd sell out his grandmother, like the rest of them.

Joe Rodrigue, New Haven

Two for One

In the 8/16 New York Press, Russ Smith, George Szamuely, Alexander Cockburn and Christopher Caldwell all missed the serious dilemma faced by Connecticut Sen. Joseph Lieberman.

Will he run for vice president while remaining on the ballot in Connecticut as the Democratic Party nominee for reelection to the U.S. Senate?

In 1988, Texas Sen. Lloyd Bentsen ran for vice president on the Democratic Party ticket with Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis. He lost, but continued to run for reelection to the Senate. By hedging his bets, Sen. Bentsen remained in public office.

Should Sen. Lieberman do the same and run for two public offices at the same time? How can the rest of America believe that Al Gore would make a good chief executive, if his own runningmate has so little faith in him that he would take advantage of Connecticut election law by also running for the Senate?

Voters in Connecticut deserve a real choice for senator this year. If Sen. Lieberman becomes vice president, Connecticut Gov. John Rowland, under his state constitution, will be able to appoint an interim senator for a two-year term. Sen. Lieberman has a chance to show a higher level of moral character and leadership by running for only one public office at a time.

America waits for his decision.

Larry Penner, Great Neck, NY

Inclusive Party: Coke and Whores

MUGGER: Surely you jest when you express your belief that George W. Bush "wants an inclusive Republican Party" (8/9). The number of black delegates at this year's GOP convention remained relatively unchanged. No doubt Lee Atwater, peace be upon him, looks down and is smiling at the Shrub's masterful pandering, which is, after all, the least he could do in order to convince "minority" voters that he isn't just another filthy rich white guy with a well-connected father, while at the same time making folks like you think he's really reaching for "inclusion."

Willie Horton has eaten his green eggs and ham! Two humongous steps back?although, MUGGER, the fact remains that the GOP is the party that committed to J.C. Watts-style tokenism. The fact that the Shrub decided to take a few moments out of his hectic fundraising schedule to speak to an organization of citizens who had to fight all the way to the Supreme Court so that, today, I can drink from the same water fountain you and your family drink from does not impress me in the slightest. If the GOP supported DC statehood or launched voter registration drives in predominately "minority" neighborhoods, I might take notice.

And if you wanna bet, MUGGER, I challenge you to this: George W. Bush, should he somehow win the presidency in the fall, will be neither willing nor able to match prior Democratic efforts at "minority" appointments. The cost to you: you hold a press conference at Yankee Stadium, while wearing a Yankees cap, and recite the names of winning pitchers in each of the Yankees' World Series victories.

Marc Safman, Queens

A Million WASPs, One Mexican

MUGGER: Good one mentioning Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice as Bush advisers (8/16).

As opposed to the Clinton cabinet, which would have looked like America only if America were populated by rich lawyers, the Bush cabinet?with Powell, Rice, and possibly Badillo, McCain and Giuliani?really will look like America.

For that matter, the multicultural family that is the Bush family looks more like America than the determinedly blue-blooded Gores.

Elizabeth Scalia Mauro, Lake Grove, NY

Beta Max

What a laugh! When was the last time that you knew a leader who gets up in front of a crowd, and tells them, "I stand here tonight as my own man."

A real leader never has to make such a statement. I'm in shock. It's almost an admission of guilt.

Paul Hagerman, Malverne, NY

With Less World Music

MUGGER: The biggest lie of the Clinton-Gore presidency is the one George W. Bush wholeheartedly accepts and endorses: that our national economy has never been better and, to quote Everclear, "everything is wonderful now."

Anyone with an IQ above 70 (a restriction that excludes both major-party candidates, their runningmates and most of the media) can see that this is untrue. Yet the only candidates addressing this nonsense are a Hitlerite (Pat Buchanan) and a 60s throwback (Ralph Nader, whom I will vote for, even if my rabbi never forgives me).

Here I am, after high school, college and graduate school, making the princely sum of $14,000 (net) annually. Like most Americans, I have no health insurance or any other benefits. But I considered myself positively blessed after taking a stroll in Park Slope and seeing the following sign: "Compassionate, loving, intelligent, responsible, caring female available for babysitting. I am a recent college graduate of Binghamton University."

The "longest peacetime economic expansion," to use the media's phrase, means that you, too, can go to school for 16 years and wind up as a babysitter or living below the poverty level. We can no longer ridicule France for having Sorbonne grads driving cabs. We are France.

Zoltan Boka, Manhattan

Crabs and Scabies

MUGGER: Watching Joe Lieberman's movement away from previous positions reminds one of the crab on the beach that, when confronted, swiftly moves sideways to escape injury. This "Connecticut Crab" first appeared on the Senate floor to avoid voting for impeachment of the man he had so roundly condemned for "disgraceful" and "immoral" conduct. His crab-like excuses for voting no was an illuminating introduction to further such movement as he deserts his major political positions as the vice-presidential designate of "honest" Al Gore.

His blurringly fast movement to the left when he told Maxine Waters he was never against racial quotas was a sight to behold.

Ken Wyman, Huntsville, AL

Mort Checks In

MUGGER: Take it from the only Jew ever to dig clams in Point Lookout, L.I. Your father voted Republican (8/16) because J. Russell Sprague put together a machine that Pendergast, Hague and Daley envied. The Archdiocese of Rockville Center did all that it could (which was plenty) to maintain the Sprague powerhouse.

Morton Weintraub, Larchmont, NY

Lonely Planet

MUGGER: Just wanted to tell you how much I've been enjoying your column for the past couple of years. It's inspiring to know that in the depths of lower Manhattan there lives an intelligent, humorous journalist who is not a walking-talking-cliche-delusional leftist moron.

John S. DeGiovanni, Yonkers

Being There

MUGGER: I think Al Gore has only one last chance. He should promise the voters that if they elect him, they will never have to see or hear him again. Instead, he can appoint Tommy Lee Jones as permanent stand-in. Jones will make all personal appearances, give all (Gore-written) speeches, sign treaties (after they've been vetted by Gore), the works. Slogan: "Elect Me and I'm Gone."

Barbara McGurn, Manhattan

Norman Invasion

Norman Kelley: Many thanks for your insightful and accurate 7/19 "Opinion" article about Bill Clinton and his failed policies regarding black people. As a black woman, I am having great difficulty convincing other black people that the Clinton administration has not been our friend. Your article is very helpful, and I have forwarded it to numerous others.

Mosadi Valorie Caffee, Brooklyn

Ciccone Goof

If Armond White wants to expend an entire column on Madonna, who's gonna argue ("Music," 8/9)?

But look, it's a lot simpler and a lot less symbolic than all that. Like a lot of other entertainers (Prince and Sting, for example), Madonna fell prey to her own ambitions and her own ego.

Remember the original Madonna, circa 1984? Remember those nice, catchy dance tunes? Her updated disco pop was a welcome respite from all the ultraserious Brit new-wavers and flashy longhair metal bands then dominating MTV and rock radio.

Rather than being content to be a successful entertainer, a Top 40 tunesmith, Madonna sought to become an Icon. She wanted to create Art, rather than mere music. She began to appropriate cultural symbols (e.g., Marilyn Monroe) and to engage in epater le bourgeoisie "transgression" (e.g. Sex) in an attempt to identify and/or endear herself with/to the bohemian avant-garde.

Madonna's ambitious celebrity diva/artiste act was conducted, however, at the expense of her music. While succeeding neither as an actress nor as a commercialized Karen Finley, her Top 40 hits became fewer and farther between.

Her years of high-profile "transgression" only cemented her in the public mind as the nation's most famously skanky ho, the celebrity equivalent of the high school slut who made the cheerleading squad by pulling a train with the entire varsity team. More than 15 years into her career, with whatever social relevance she once had now fading as she reaches middle age, Madonna finds herself trading on her notoriety to score hits with remakes of golden oldies. Sad.

Robert Stacy McCain, Gaithersburg, MD

John, You Sad Druggy

John McMillian ("Music," 8/9) reports noticing Bruce Springsteen drenching his arm with a sponge dipped in a pail of water before flinging his arm toward Steve Van Zandt so as to appear to be slinging his own sweat in Van Zandt's face.

If it really came down to it, and there were no other choice, Springsteen is someone I would give my life for. But as a nightly part of the show during a 10-night gig, were I Van Zandt, I might have had "no sweat, only water" written into my contract. McMillian's reaction to this bit of stagecraft: Bruce is cynical and condescending toward his audience because of this egregious betrayal of his authenticity, the E Street Band is no longer a team driven by nearly boundless energy and McMillian is disillusioned by this personal affront. The dozen or so times I've seen the E Street Band live, they performed all-out for more than three hours each night. I've performed as a dancer onstage, and even when I was in peak condition, 10 minutes' hard work was enough to make me soaking wet. I can guarantee you from my own personal experience that Springsteen was sweating real, drippy, stinky, smelly sweat.

McMillian doesn't have to fall apart over this. Authentic art is about telling the truth, even when making the truth visible all over Madison Square Garden is better served by use of a sponge and bucket of water. McMillian's disillusionment is perhaps one of the side effects of his reported "recreational chemistry." You don't understand the metatext of E Street Band performances or the music of Bruce Springsteen if you can't believe in the hero in yourself. And you're wasting your life if you are looking for your own heroism in a capsule, tablet or bottle.

Billy Joe Lucas, North White Plains, NY

That Bruce Juice

After reading John McMillian's 8/9 piece about Bruce Springsteen's sweat, I must say that I was amazed by how much attention was given to Bruce's bodily fluids. I thought it was, to say the least, ridiculous.

I have been to several Springsteen concerts and I specifically recall him cooling off by splashing himself with water during the 1992-93 Human Touch/Lucky Town tour. It was no secret then, and it is no secret now. The fact that during this tour he cooled off at the back of the stage doesn't make it different. I am quite sure he was aware that the fans sitting behind the stage would have clearly seen this; therefore, I do not believe he was "pretending" to sweat.

But just for the sake of argument, suppose he was "faking" his sweat. Does that really matter? Frankly, I would rather see fake sweat than see him or any artist go onstage and lip-synch or perform a short show.

The reason I listen to Springsteen's music is because I identify with a lot of the characters in his songs. Because his music is energetic and has great meaning. The reason I attend his concerts is because the energy that comes out of watching a performer like Springsteen makes me feel alive?loved and energetic. Each time I have experienced Bruce's live shows, I have always come out of them with a sore throat and sweat, and I'm just in the audience! Therefore, I cannot and will not believe that Bruce, a man who performs a show that lasts up to three hours, does not sweat.

I have been a Springsteen fan since the early 80s, and I do not believe that he would ever fake anything, especially onstage. In my opinion, Bruce has always been a loyal musician, especially to his fans. Therefore, when I read articles such as this one about, of all things, sweat, it saddens me to think that people care about things that really don't mean a thing. Aren't we overlooking the true meaning of something?in this case, Springsteen's magic?when we take something like sweat and overanalyze it by writing an entire article about it? In my opinion, the whole thing is silly, and if McMillian is more concerned about Bruce's sweat, then perhaps the next time Bruce and the band decide to tour, there will be an available seat in the stands for a true fan who can sit back and enjoy the show no matter what the sweat factor is.

Carol Norda, Forest Hills, NY