They Should've Left the Magazine at Home

Staten Island may be the butt of too many jokes, but there's no denying you'll find more stupid criminals there than anywhere else in the city. Consider the case of Thomas Dolce, 30, and his pal, 23 year-old Sean Molloy.

Shortly after 3 a.m. on the morning of March 3rd, someone called 911 to report there was sneakiness afoot behind the Chili's restaurant in Graniteville. According to the Post, when cops arrived they discovered Dolce and Molloy. They also discovered a respirator mask, latex gloves, a notebook full of tags, film, about 100 cans of spraypaint?and a graffiti magazine.

Since police arrived before the pair could get started with their masterpiece, they were only charged with "possession of really fucking obvious graffiti equipment."

Last week we mentioned the recent rise in samurai-sword crimes. Now it seems machete season-which normally doesn't begin until mid-summer-is becoming a year-round event.

Bronx resident Anthony Jenkins sure thinks so, reports the News. Ignoring the order of protection, he went after his wife with a machete on March 6. After hacking at her for a bit, he pulled a knife, and started going after her two-handed. His wife, no slouch herself, grabbed the knife and slashed back at him as he continued swinging the machete.

They were a bloody mess by the time police showed up, but both will probably live to face assault and weapons charges.

Two drunken thugs in the Bronx got an unexpected helping hand early Monday morning.

For reasons only they know, Neri Almonte and Raul Chavez, both in their early 20s, were pounding on a guy named Eddie Diaz near the intersection of Pugsley and Westchester Aves. They pummeled and kicked until the defenseless and bloodied Diaz stumbled out into the street, the News said.

Suddenly Bang! Zoom! a demon car sped past, not only clipping Diaz, but dragging him for the next two blocks.

The car screeched away, leaving Diaz in critical condition, and two bystanders grabbed the thugs. Cops are still looking for the car.

And while it's not a crime per se, a 28-year-old man fell to his death from the ninth floor of an E. 72nd St. apartment complex on March 9. Ian Honeycutt, according to the News, a tourist from Illinois, was staying with his aunt. She didn't much care for smoking in her apartment, so after she went to bed, Honeycutt, trying to comply with her wishes, put on his hat and gloves and threw open a window.

Police aren't sure if he was just leaning out the window, or the darn fool actually crawled outside to sit on the ledge. They also don't know if he just slipped, or if one of that evening's 45 mph wind gusts picked him up like a paper doll and carried him away. Evidence of the latter lies in the fact that Honeycutt-who one cop described as weighing "90 pounds soaking wet"-ended up on the third-floor landing of the building next door.