This Week's Horoscope

I dreamt you were paddling a leaky boat toward a mist-shrouded island castle, within which you expected to find your prince(ss). Confronted by a fearsome moat monster, rippling with scales and toothy malice, you simply bopped him on the nose with your oar and he sank out of sight. The towering edifice had impressive-looking defenses, but the rusty portcullis crumbled under your touch, and the "boiling" oil poured over you was merely lukewarm, leaving you slick but unharmed. By the time you found the subject of your quest, you were almost too bored to deliver the kiss that would rouse the sleeper from a hundred-year nap. The point? Instead of being frustrated by the very real challenges lying between you and your goals, be glad for them. They give your achievement value it would otherwise lack.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Your halo is looking slightly tarnished, and your wings, in mid-molt, are so bedraggled that you doubt you could fly your soiled robes to the Ethereal Laundromat. That's okay, we're tired of the tedious harp-accompanied hymns and pedestrian miracles you've been responsible for recently. What happened to the glorious days when angels like you rode in on terrific fiery waves of glory, blasting trumpets, pulling off stunningly dramatic feats, like saving the exiled Hagar from the wilderness? Honestly, if you can only be a little good, we'd rather you didn't bother this week?be a little bad instead; it's much more fun.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

It may seem like your mouth is zippered shut and padlocked, and your writing hand be-mittened, at least when it comes to communicating anything emotional or sensitive. Even if you desperately want to express some deep, important conviction, you may find yourself so hopelessly encumbered and restricted that it will come out clumsily, if at all. Don't struggle trying to convey your finer impulses this week. Be as crude and goofy as the situation seems to demand, and wait until next week, when your most complicated inner process will emerge melodiously from you, like poetry.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Before the wound can heal, you've got to pull out the arrow, bullet or sliver of glass. Instead, you've let the weapon that injured you stay lodged in the gash it created, because you fear that removing it will cause even more pain than you've already suffered. Unfortunately, a certain amount of bleeding and reopening is necessary so that you can finally move on. The consolation: although scar tissue can feel tight, constrictive and inflexible compared to how you were before the injury, you'll still be far more free than you were with the arrow poking out of your side.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

As a protest against the crushing poverty in which they live amid the region's oil wealth, Nigerian women have stormed and occupied a plant controlled by an oil multinational. Their campaign to get jobs is just: In three decades of operation (Nigeria is the world's sixth-largest exporter of oil), the companies haven't benefited the local villages at all. How do these women, aged 30 to 90, stage these bloodless coups and maintain control of the facilities? They use a powerful, traditional shaming gesture: they threaten to remove their clothing. Weaponless, with nothing more than their bodies and convictions, these women are spreading their message about economic oppression around the world. Your battles may be different, but the odds you face are similar, and your demands as reasonable. Take your creative cue from these women, and?short of violence?go to whatever lengths necessary to fight the good fight.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You may feel like you're in the middle of recording a compilation of your greatest hits. Although you're a little bored rehashing this old material, please continue. It never hurts to remind your more fickle friends what's so great about the things you've already done, and inspire them to consider the things you're capable of in the future. Also, considering the occasional slump you suffered this past season, it might be good to remind yourself. Besides, while you're in the studio remixing the same tired hits, there's no reason you can't lay down some fresh tracks for your next original masterpiece.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Many Aquarians?sometimes at a surprisingly early age?surpass their parents in wisdom and experience. Suddenly knowing more about life than your sheltered folks do can be a jarring prospect. It's daunting to finally accept that their roles as guardians and guides have diminished. However, that doesn't mean you have to "go it alone" for the rest of your days. Even if those who begat you don't have a clue about the circumstances you face, there are still plenty of wise and worldly people you can learn from. So your old teachers can't protect you anymore. Find some new ones, before you make mistakes you'd rather avoid.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Back in the day, when he did his paper route, my best Pisces friend didn't mind the solitary work of delivering the papers. However, collecting the subscription fees from his customers was a more daunting prospect. He dreaded it so much that he habitually neglected this duty for weeks and months at a time. Naturally, as the tallies increased, he grew more and more apprehensive about presenting these astronomical figures to his clients. Eventually, bullied by his parents or someone at the newspaper, he'd finally demand outrageous totals from his deliverees. I hope you've outgrown this classic Piscean behavior by now. In case you haven't, I'll deliver the goad you apparently crave: don't let the thing get any bigger than it already has. It's not going to get any easier, so do it now.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

If you've retained enough of your inner child to hold onto dolls, videogames, plastic trucks and so on, good for you. If not, I'm confident that they've only been replaced by "adult" equivalents, like your kids' toys, power tools, real trucks, etc. How do I know this? Because Rams have an astrological imperative to play. Resisting it would be like avoiding eating, or sleeping. Don't deny your absolute need to recreate?it's one of the best parts of you. If you've been refraining from indulging because of some disapproving lameass nearby, lose him immediately. There are plenty of people who are eager to get your hands on their toys. Find one (or two, or seven) of them.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

The one constant in life is change. You know this, so why do I see you resisting it so adamantly? You have to take risks and change some priorities as you age; holding yourself to the same standards at 50 as you did at 20 will only result in misery and regret, as it leads to outmoded concepts like being "past your peak." Each chapter of your life has its own goals, limitations and standards of success. It might be time to lose last chapter's rulebook, and start writing a new one.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Although you might suddenly develop the mutant ability to walk through walls, vault barriers or freeze time, I wouldn't count on it. Let's face it, the easy ways out you're praying for are just not likely to happen, not without an unprecedented barrage of cosmic rays or supernatural spider bites. Although the other solutions are vastly more complicated, difficult and mundane, you may have to accept that they're the only way. To get you started, though, I'll let you in on a little secret?if there is a shortcut through your predicament, the only way you'll find it is by at least starting on the long way around.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

During your adventures in your shag-carpeted spaceship, a la Barbarella, don't get swept up in the glamorous illusions you've helped create. Hard edges can lurk beneath all that campy fun fur, and your cute little ray gun may simply not be enough to deal with the dangers at hand. That's not to say you should dismiss your imaginative take on the world. Enjoy the glittering chimeras of your fantasy life?they can be very pretty and fun?but retain the ability to emerge from them and deal with the harsher realities of your existence when you need to, like this week.

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