This Week's Horoscope

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Here she is, the returning Miss Middle-of-Nowhere, winner of the Miss America Pageant. The crowd roars with wild glee for their hometown princess. "We're so proud of her!" giggle breathless colleagues who only weeks before bitterly snubbed their future hero. Oh, how far a little recognition and success can take you! Since you're fresh from your own little beauty contest?you're still wearing the sash, even?the temptation to righteously thumb your nose at those who've wronged you is strong. Please, mostly resist it and replace it with the more evolved response of greeting them with grace and forgiveness. The key word is "mostly"?I fully expect you to discreetly but thoroughly give the worst offenders exactly what they deserve.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

The fear is unfamiliar. It bitters my mouth with tangy tartness, as if I've awakened from a long night of chewing on orange peel. Americans are not used to fearing for their lives, at least not in this context. However, the idea that a hateful enemy could strike you down at any time is one that some people in other nations have lived with for years, for their entire lives, even. Any response to such fear ought to be considered, thoughtful, not rash, or risk feeding it, ultimately. When faced with intense feelings this week, don't just react. Your first response might not be your best one, considering your ultimate goals.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Primarily you've been a victim of your own bad planning, or total lack thereof. What do you mean, what do I mean? Some minor examples: Your baked-bean dinner had you tooting all morning, to the dismay of fellow commuters and coworkers. And not even understandable forgetfulness can excuse the fact that you scheduled dates with your two favorite people on the same night. That your disease is self-inflicted is a good thing; it's therefore in your own power to effect a cure. Organize yourself, and be amazed at how hassle-free your future can be.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Heroically determined and dedicated firefighters and rescue workers bitterly resented the time they were required to spend off-shift instead of helping to clean up the rubble of the Trade Center's collapse and search for victims. Who can't understand their desperate desire to be of service, to help, to save? But somebody with more of an eye on the big picture wisely decreed: "Look, we'll get a lot more out of you in the long run if you take some downtime now." Your own commitment is actually holding you back. Take a breath and a step back. Work a little less hard and get a little more done.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Some folks think Clinton was a good liar. Is there any doubt that the former U.S. president was an excellent politician? He had a knack for putting the cleanest, most acceptable spin on controversies that would've incapacitated other presidencies. Although on some levels I appreciate President Bush's transparent lack of artifice, I don't underestimate the power of ideas and of image in a "war on terrorism" like he proposed?they far outweigh most of the other weapons in any arsenal. For something as subtle as fighting a many-headed, invisible beast like the one you're up against, try using your head before you use your fist.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Although it may be de rigueur for an alterno hipster chick to wear a t-shirt with the word "cunt" scrawled across her breasts in glittering letters, the use of such a word in a public venue would've been unthinkable not that long ago. Perhaps there are new words that have risen to the level of unspeakable, but the lexicon of truly foul language has shrunken significantly. Some might argue we've simply become more crass, which is probably true. But we've also become more willing to admit the rawness of our lives, to speak the truth about them and to reserve feelings of umbrage for things that actually matter. This week, don't cringe from the real language that describes the truth about the way you feel?we can take it.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Backstage following a college theater production, I asked the star of the show: "Don't you feel egotistical taking a second bow?" "Oh, it's not for me," he replied. "It's for them. They feel cheated if I don't give them enough chances to love me." It's arrogant but true; the enthusiastic audience got way more out of clapping, cheering and hollering than Mr. Cool did from receiving it. They would've left disappointed and unrequited if he'd failed to appear for more adoration. While you don't need to retain the blasé, unruffled calm of my fellow actor, you do need to follow his example. Give people more chances to love you. They will.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Tricky, tricky. You're excited to have this cat almost in the bag, but that's no excuse to start engaging in any kind of ruse-rolling or posing. That purring feline has been rubbing his delicious scent all over you without any kind of fakery on your part. Do you really think a make-believe game will draw him in further? No, let the tomcat take his time. Resist artifice. As long as you remain real, he'll come to you when he's ready, which is both sooner than you think and better than not at all, which is when he'll come if you keep up the games.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

If I could transpose into this horoscope a moving picture of me, flapping my elbows and clucking provocatively, I would. You know what I'm talking about: a regrettable, embarrassing failure of courage and imagination that has cost you, to date, 238 minutes of precious sleep. Almost four hours of your time has been spent rehashing what you should have done. Stop the insanity. Knock yourself out if you have to?you need the sleep. Why? Because your second chance?yes, a tiny little window of opportunity?is coming up. Unless you're well-rested, primed and ready to leap enthusiastically and unreservedly through it, you'll miss this one too. And who knows how much sleep that might cost you.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

The full moon swells like an inflatable breast to suckle Libra in the sign of partnership. How to reconcile these extremes?the passion of the waxing moon and the balanced reason of healthy alliance?is your task this week. You've already mastered the black diamond slopes of feverish emotion, carving through intensity like fine powder. I conjure snowboarding analogies because they're entirely appropriate. That sport combines the thrill of speed, risk and danger with a need for calmness, poise and practiced skill. In fact, the more composed you are, the greater the risks you're able to take. In other words: You want intensity? Practice self-control.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

The last four people I met who romantically interested me were hung up on an old boyfriend, leaving the country, emotionally unavailable and leaving the country, respectively. I could stew in frustration. But there's no point. You know what it's like: not getting what you want when you want it has become a depressingly familiar feeling. What can I say? Get over it. I mean, really get over it. Since you can't force someone to want something or make room in someone else's life for you, the only option left is to let go. The one consolation: the sooner you do, the sooner your desires will be fulfilled. So you get what you want later than you hoped. At least you'll get it.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

In my experience, the first time is the worst time?at least in most things, especially sex. Occasionally, the first time you do some things, like watching a movie, is the best time. But mostly, especially regarding those things where there's necessarily a learning curve (like figuring out which spot does what for whom), it only gets better after the first time. Just a friendly reminder to persist in your newest endeavors. So they sucked. Don't look at what's happened so far as the be-all-end-all of that experience. The potential is where it's at?take the time to explore it.