This Week's Horoscope

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

This week you're a lumbering, four-story giant, capable of smooshing even the most muscle-bound mere human almost by accident. Being an emotional Goliath ain't easy, though: your massive strength is a hindrance when executing delicate operations. Calibrating sensitive equipment or performing brain surgery is probably beyond your thigh-thick fingers. However, don't let these limitations send you into the "all or nothing" mentality some Cancers are infamous for. Yes, fine-tuned compromises are complicated by the bigness of your inner world right now, but they're not impossible, if you're creative and willing to ask for help. Since they're what's required of you, I know you'll find a way.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Now that you've had not only a taste, but several orgasmically delicious mouthfuls of what this summer has to offer you, it's time to shift into maximum pleasure-gear. As Mars revs into your sign on the 14th, hitting high speeds on your rapture drive should come surprisingly easy. Not to put a damper on things, but I ought to remind you that your euphoric tsunami can't last forever. I tell you this for two reasons: One, so you'll enjoy these bliss-driven days to the fullest and, two, so you don't get so carried away with breakneck ecstatic speed that you forget to choose your path. It might be easy to allow the thrill of motion to eclipse the importance of your actual destination. Don't do that. Instead, show the rest of us how to get there faster and have fun doing it, too.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

It's not that Virgos are unloving; au contraire, you're usually the sweetest, most wonderfully adoring people to have around. It's that often your love takes the form of doing millions of nice things for your loved ones, simplifying their lives in every way you can think of. And those who cherish you do notice that. But some of the people you adore (especially those Leos and Pisces, this week) are craving something a little more impractical, even romantic. When all it takes is a little sweetness that has nothing to do with schedules or to-do lists, pleasing them is worth the effort.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Thank you for being the arbiters of good taste. Even if popular fashion somehow decreed that psychedelic rainbow skull-print fabrics were this year's "in thing," you'd probably abstain. Leave that to those goofy Pisceans, you'd declare, sticking to your classy, slightly more conservative tones. But don't let that good sense stunt your creativity. Sometimes, the coolest shit walks that line right on the edge of bad taste, or even crosses over just a little. Being a tad ugly or gauche is way more interesting than mere prettiness. This week, keep that in mind.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Silence can mean many things. It could signify thick, stultifying tension. It might indicate a degree of comfort or intimacy that precludes speech. It's sometimes serene, pregnant or strained. Precisely because it represents a lack of information, it's often misinterpreted. For instance, while you're on your seventh date, you and your companion lapse into what you think is a comfortable, easy silence. Meanwhile, your date is bored out of his/her mind, wondering why the hell you're not saying something. Since a misread moment could spell disaster this week, make sure you know what's really going on.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Although the standard cliche is that everyone on the planet is no more than six degrees of separation from everyone else, lately you've begun to suspect that that number has shrunk to five. You've certainly done your part?collective Sagittarian gadding-about has not only paid untold networking dividends for you personally, it's brought the rest of us just a little closer together. However, you've been slightly disappointed because it's failed to manifest the one person you've really been longing for. Don't worry. My astrological crystal ball tells me that you're only two degrees away. Keep your eyes open this week to make that paramount connection.

Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan. 19)

Capricorns are more often held back by self-induced limitations than by lack of ability, or restrictions imposed by the outside world. Although this is the safety mechanism that keeps you from overreaching, I urge you to dismiss it, just this once. Throw your goddamn "realism" out the window. Slow and steady doesn't always win the race. Ambition that's a step or two beyond your more conservative goals doesn't have to end in crushing failure. Every once in a while?like this week?it can result in stunning success.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Lately, I've viewed you as a gifted young director, producing award-worthy movies every day?if only they were actually caught on film. Since your recent artistry has been all about gifted social interaction, I'm going to share the wisdom every successful artist wields: know when to stop. Becoming obsessed with perfection can only end badly; usually, by you screwing up the piece for good by adding too much to it. Your genius at evoking brilliant performances from all the "players" in any given situation is at its peak. Don't ruin it by overdoing it. Trust your gut and know when to say, "And?scene."

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Tides, basically, are caused by the massive weight of the ocean trying to fall toward the moon. If lunar gravity can cause impressive movement in immense bodies of water, why shouldn't it affect squishy, watery humans? You've got a plethora of interesting entities orbiting you these days, despite your inattention. Don't underestimate them. No matter how ineffectual they may seem, reflecting only the wan light of a distant sun, they may have more effect on you than you think. This week, consider which ones are pulling you in the right direction, and which ones you ought to send winging into the asteroid belt.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

It's been a stormy couple of months at sea. Your sturdy emotional ship has weathered 60-foot waves bravely, but you've sustained a few etheric leaks. The bilge-pumps have been working nonstop for weeks now. Finally, you've spotted the welcoming warm beacon of a lighthouse signaling safe haven. At last you can pull into dock and work on some repairs. Of course, there's no reason why you shouldn't also enjoy some merriment now that you're back on dry land. You're randier than a sailor on shore leave, after all. Whether it's a rebound fling or some retail therapy, show us just how fun healing can be.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Sometimes you stumble into weird, unexpected realities. For instance, you might find yourself soaking in a tub shaped like a champagne glass, or napping on a heart-shaped bed. In the mirrored ceiling, you watch your reflected surprise as you suddenly snap awake and wonder: "How in the hell did I get here? Is this what I thought I was getting into?" I'm probably wrong about the specifics, but I wouldn't be surprised if this week's slightly bizarre twists aren't exactly what you had in mind when you set out on this path. All is not lost, though; now that you've figured it out, you can start looking for shortcuts back to where you really need to be.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

For a sign who's most often noted for its mind, you Gems are hardly divorced from your bodies. It seems that every Gemini I know has at least one astonishing physical feat at his disposal; "Janice" can fit her whole hand in her mouth, "Lee" does stunts with pingpong balls and orifices that would make most porn stars blush and "Alister" can squeeze his whole body through an unstrung tennis racket. Still, there's been a recent rift between your brain and bod. To heal that, practice just being in your skin. The traditional ways (going to the gym or taking up jogging) are fine, but I can tell your spirit (and your avid fans) are hoping you'll adopt an astonishing new trick, like learning how to play the harmonica with your nether regions or practicing getting out of?or yet more impressive, into?a straitjacket.