Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Oh, that little flirt! Every time I look over there, he studiously looks away, enigmatic Mona Lisa smile resting on his lips. His careful nonchalance gives him away, though. I know he wants me, or at least wants me to want him. All right, I may be completely delusional, imagining subtleties where there are none. It's okay, though, and harmless. In fact, I invite you to do the same. When the situation is unclear, give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You tend toward the negative sometimes. So she's awkward with you. Why believe it stems from revulsion instead of intense attraction? Neither hypothesis is verifiable, short of asking flat-out (and not necessarily getting an honest answer), but one assumption will help you come across as confident, sexy and charismatic (therefore more likely to make itself true).
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Goddammit. You waited for these tickets for weeks. Then you got stuck in traffic on the way to the show, and the usher seated you behind a pole. Fuck. You paid good money for this?you're determined to have fun! Grimly, you set your face in a smile, and spend the entire show craning your neck while trying to ignore your neighbors' whispered complaints about your head being in the way of their view. Hardly a delightful experience, eh? The bottom line: fun can't be forced. So don't try. Give yourself another option already, hopefully one that's almost more fun than your original plan.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You ain't hit the wall yet. Oh, I know you feel like you've slammed into a 7-foot structure of brick and mortar. But it's actually only about three feet tall; therefore surmountable. I call it the Laziness Barrier. You're accustomed to only having to use a certain (rather small) percentage of your brain's and body's abilities at any given moment. It's true the task at hand lies beyond the length and breadth of your "normal" efforts?but it's hardly unobtainable. You have reserves of overdrive and internal resources that you've never touched. This week, tap at least one of each.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) With the help of one of my sweetest Capricorn friends, I learned to drive a stick shift in one evening. With loving patience, he carefully instructed me as I faltered, panicked, screwed up and freaked. He coached me through every grinding gear and uncoordinated fumble of clutch, brake and gas. He reminded me to breathe. I couldn't have chosen a better friend (or a better sign) to help me learn this tricky skill. Teach something this week; if not for your own satisfaction, or simply to benefit your friend, do it because you're tired of idiots stalling out in the middle of the intersection.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Get out of the house. Now. Turn off the computer and step away from it. The outside world may be hectic, overstimulating, unpleasant or confusing, but you're not allowed to simply shut it out. Censoring your stimuli is not the answer; try filtering them instead. Too loud? Don't skip the concert; use earplugs. Too bright? Wear shades. You're not going to get out of experiencing reality this week, even if I have to pull some strings and have your computer struck by lightning. Don't wait for the goddess to wipe your hard drive. Muffle yourself with rose-colored sunglasses and pillowcases if you must, but don't skip out on life this week. You'd miss something really important.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Abstract (yet sometimes important) ideas about yourself can be lost just as easily as car keys or cuff links (e.g., your virginity). Luckily for you, they can often be found just as easily (which doesn't it's mean easy; you may still have to turn your whole house inside out to turn them up). So don't mourn the recent disappearance of your keen intuition or your all-purpose compassion. They're not gone forever, just misplaced. Find them. Start with the basement and work your way up to the attic. Check the furnace, woodshed, desk drawers and dishwasher. Start looking now, so you can return all your most important tools to their proper spots, just in time for when you'll really need them. Now, where did you put that damn remote control? (It's in the laundry basket.)
Aries (March 21-April 19) That's right, folks?welcome back to everybody's favorite game show: Instant Karma! Contestants compete for cash, prizes and nirvana totaling almost three million dollars! It's the show where what you do is what you get?instantly! If you cut ahead of one person in line, we'll make sure at least three people cut ahead of you! It's our guarantee! So relax?don't take justice in your own hands like you usually do. The universe has a harsh view on vigilante karmic enforcers this week. Just sit back and be nice to everybody, 'cause it's payback time.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) I like stubble. Some people despise sandpaper kisses. They work for me, though. On the other hand, it's not a prerequisite; I've smooched many people who were blessedly stubble-free. All right, so you have preferences; it's good to know what you like best. But it's not wise to limit yourself to only those things. Fuck it, Taurus. Check it out, even if it's not what you usually go for. Invent the possibility that you might discover something you like better than that same old thang.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Last week, I learned to drive a stick shift. One of the most amazingly unpleasant sounds I know of is the grinding of gears when you try to shift without the clutch down all the way. It's like the buzzing sound in the board game Operation or the mosquito hum of a dentist's drill. Your anguished growls this week fall into the same category. Don't hit yourself when you screw up. Move on. Follow through on your decisions. Stalling in mid-intersection is embarrassing and dangerous. Don't hesitate when retrieving your missing funny bone?you'll need it. And lastly, don't let anyone drill you unless it's going to make you feel good.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) According to the latest statistics, more than 98 percent of Cancers have absolutely no idea how powerful they are. For example, most of you believe yourselves to be highly intuitive people, adept at anticipating future twists and turns, thus enabling you to prepare for any eventuality. The exciting truth: this isn't reality prediction, it's reality creation. That's right?what you think will happen will happen, almost all of the time. Of course, there is the occasional exception. That, along with a human tendency to focus on the negative, is the primary reason Cancers are not utilizing the bulk of their talents. Throw out your Magic 8-Ball. The answer to your future is: yes.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) When I was in high school, and extremely shy and modest, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by friends who shamelessly reveled in their bodies and dragged me out skinny-dipping and naked tree-climbing and on nude midnight berry-picking excursions. Even though they never commented on it, my self-imposed discomfort seemed ridiculous, after a while?it was definitely cutting into my enjoyment of life! Once I realized that I was holding back my own evolution, it was a simple decision to cease clinging to my silly uptightness. You've been keeping yourself from taking that next step for no good reason. Come on, goof. Take off your shorts and jump in. The water's fine!
[Caeriel@yahoo.com](mailto:caeriel@yahoo.com)