This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 04:10

    SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) I know you're feeling somewhat sapped, like your energy is being expended with no results in sight. Some communities facing this problem, as big corporations take their cash and don't plug anything back into the town, have attempted to surmount it by using local currencies, like Ithaca's "hours," or Berkeley's "bread." Other groups have attempted to avoid this quandary by circumventing the whole currency issue and simply trading time and skills. This is a good week to rate each of your activities on a new scale?how much is it really benefiting you? If it's not doing you any good, then why are you doing it? CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) The pieces of your life lay scattered around you like tattered rags, ugly and useless. Your acute lack of cohesion, direction and purpose seems almost painful. I doubt many of you have time to actually sew a quilt. But the mental equivalent might do. By stitching pieces of your past and present together, you can create beauty and meaning where there was none apparent before. What parts of your life can you imagine bringing together, and what new relationships can you dream of snuggling under? AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Hey Brainiac! You're not just a head, you know. Maybe someday you'll be able to experience life as a disembodied brain in a jar, but for the moment, you occupy a body, albeit a seriously neglected one. According to my psychic Soloflex machine, you Aquarians are in desperate need of some exercise. Not the snort-crystal-and-dance-all-night type (although even that would be an improvement). Try taking a long walk in the park, or swimming at the Y or working out at the gym. In any case, I guarantee the minute you feel those wholesome, action-induced endorphins flooding your system, you'll give up your speed and depression forever, or at least for the rest of the day?and that's better than nothing. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) I've been considering adopting a second dog. I'm trying to be realistic about it, but I can't help being inspired by your compassionate, if idealistic, example. Unlike Virgos, who love animals from afar, you need to be up close and personal with your dog, bird or fish. You long for that loving chirp, burble or chuff that embodies the nonhuman connections you cherish in this world. This is a good week to romp on the ground with an animal, or simply to be one. ARIES (March 21-April 19) One of my favorite artists (and architects) Friedensreich Hundertwasser believes that perfectly flat floors are spiritually deadening and unnatural. In that spirit, he designs fanciful buildings with wonderfully uneven floors. He builds colorful patterns and unique shapes right into his structures, wedding beauty with utility in an harmonious marriage that's hard not to like. The internal schism of purpose you've been complaining about is curable. Your gorgeousness is begging to shine through your every activity. Let it. Sing while you work, dance while you walk, beautify while you clean. By embodying this attitude as best you can, I guarantee?not only will you and everything around you be prettier, you'll be happier, too. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) My shitty laptop finally broke. I knew it was only a matter of time. But now it's dead, and I'm forced to return to my Paleolithic past of simply writing by hand. I take heart in the advice dispensed by one of my favorite authors, Natalie Goldberg. Writing is a physical act, she declares, and the movement of pen on paper an integral one to connected, deep writing. Even though I'm forced to do it, I must admit that there's something deeply satisfying and relaxing about the tactile sensation of my hand sliding over a page. You, too, can open a pressure valve in your life, just by simplifying at least one activity to its purest, least complicated form. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) "You know one thing I hate about the Egyptians?" I overheard a kid ask his mom in a rural Texas library, as he perused a book of hieroglyphics. "We'll never get to meet any of them?because they're all in hell." I couldn't help laughing, but I also wondered how Mom (or anyone) could defend a God that would punish people for breaking rules they'd never heard of and send them to a place that was equally foreign to their consciousness. She copped out, but it reminded me of something I'd like to suggest to you: The strongest beliefs are those that withstand scrutiny, questioning. If you haven't been double-checking your methodology lately, may I propose you start? CANCER (June 21-July 22) Thinking of selling out? Don't feel bad; it's the rite of passage of the 1990s. And with the full moon in that most vivacious and network-oriented of signs, Gemini, you're sure to get at least a few offers. Don't bother with guilt. It's outdated. Only the most anally scrupulous person thinks twice about making shitloads of money for what she does. But patience is still "in." And since you've waited this long, why not wait until next year? My crystal stock-ticker tells me your integrity will only increase in value the longer you hold on to it. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) My high school history teacher focused heavily on the cyclic nature of the past. He'd point out every turn of the wheel, each swing of the pendulum. It wasn't a very inspiring perspective on the past (or the future), implying as it did that our actions have only minute effects. On many levels, that may be true. I prefer considering movements such as philosophy, or science, which continually build and expand upon the work others have done in the past, without much backward motion. Don't get stuck on perspectives that thwart or stall you. So what if it seems hard for an individual to powerfully influence history? If anyone can, it's you. VIRGO (Aug. 22-Sept. 22) Don't believe in the ripple effect? Consider one scenario (of billions): You're a waitron. You smile at your patrons while clearing dishes. It's not a flirtatious smile. Maybe it's just a kiss-butt grin designed to increase your tip. But it stalls the dining couple. "She's nice, isn't she?" says Wifey. They discuss your niceness briefly, and leave the restaurant two minutes later than they would've. As a result, they run into an old friend and stop to chat. Consequently, their friend goes home happy, makes love to his wife. She gets preggy. Baby grows up and invents a cheap, renewable power source that makes overpopulation bearable. Congratulations. You saved the world, and got a bigger tip. The next time you feel like one of the little guys, consider this (admittedly outlandish, but possible) scenario and remember: there's no such thing anymore. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) What shape is the monster under your futon? Is he hairy? Tusked? Does she have cloven hooves? A tail? Most monsters today are huge. Some fear an out-of-control, oppressive government backed by an ultra-rich military and a corporate, fast-growing prison industry. Others dread the behemoth of international corporate powers, expanding so rapidly that they'll soon be (if they aren't already) more powerful than any nation. I cling to the hope that those with an awareness of these seemingly unstoppable forces can use our Lilliputian influences to create a future that's actually livable for your average human being. And if anyone can figure out how to make these giant, scary beasts check each other, it's your tribe. Get your scales in balance, Libra. We're all going to need them.