This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 04:33

    Gemini (May 21-June 20) So you feel like a boomerang, finally arcing back toward the force that propelled you away originally. I'd argue your current state is more like that of a flying fish taking its first leap from the waves. Following your swift glide, you plunge back into the life-giving water. Your first sensation may be one of relief as you return to familiar, nurturing surroundings. But I think you'll find that the new place you've discovered is just as much a necessary part of you as the old neighborhood that you've lived in up till now. Own it, baby. Your world just got twice as big?and there's more where that came from. Cancer (June 21-July 22) It's important to your own evolution to get to the point where most of your emotional energy is devoted to others, instead of yourself. That nurturing energy is one of your magic powers. But you can't take care of other people unless you learn how to (and do) take care of yourself well. Once you've learned to aim your ray of comfort inward, you'll find that there's plenty left over for everyone else. However, if you use it for others' benefit before taking care of your own needs, you'll soon discover that there's scarcely anything left for you. It would be sheer folly to advise nearly any other sign (save those beleaguered Virgos) to adopt a "Me first" attitude this week?but that is exactly what I suggest to you. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) This week, convert into envy any last traces of jealousy that might be lingering from your less enlightened past. Jealousy is different from envy. Jealousy is resenting someone else for something they have, and wishing you could have it instead. Dare I call any emotion evil? Anyway, it's the province of junior high school, not the Land of the Emotionally Mature. Envy, on the other hand, is the natural result of seeing something or someone that you covet. Instead of wanting someone else's though, you may crave one of your own. Envy can inspire, invigorate, enliven. Jealousy kicks you and holds you down. Envy kicks you and gets your ass in gear. Much nicer, ain't it? (See, growing up can be fun.) Virgo (Aug. 23-Sep. 22) Sixty hours a week is too much for any one pursuit, period. Forty hours is still too much to devote to something you don't love. Twenty hours per seven days is the most I could advocate for any dreaded task. Feeling driven to work is not an excuse. Fine, put in your five eight-hour days. But do something that makes you happy. I dare you. Repeat after me: By this time next year, I will spend at least twice as much time on something I love than I give to everything I hate. I will start plotting my own joyful future right now. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Every person seems to have some safe haven?imaginary or real?that they use to take refuge from some of life's rougher aspects. Mine is Atlantis, a fabulous city-state deep under the Atlantic Ocean. I imagine it as some kind of semi-enlightened techno-society beyond the profitable reach of huge corporations or governments. So far, your sanctuary from the world's troubles has been a solitary place. Would you mind company? If you share your secret hideaway, others may follow your example. Note #1: If everyone shares the vision of their personal paradises, they'll become wonderfully obsolete: we'll be living in them all the time. Note #2: This has already happened, whether you realize it or not; realizing it makes all the difference. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) This week is like one of those annoying little puzzles that make people (especially you) nuts. You know the type: Draw a square with an "X" connecting the corners, using only straight lines and without going over any line more than once. Or: Transform this quirky matchbox shape in only two moves. You can spend hours banging your skull against these infernal conundrums, muttering under your breath, "It's impossible," until the glaringly obvious solution is revealed, making you feel like an idiot. Some actually enjoy these brainteasers; others would rather pull out their own fingernails than wrack their brains picking apart another one. A lucky few have that blessed ability to see the problem for the waste of time it is, and completely let it go without even trying to solve it. Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Have you ever sleeping-bag raced? Players cocooned in form-fitting sacks precariously hop and comically wriggle to the finish line. The feeling these competitors experience is awfully similar to what you might feel this week. Be comforted by the fact that although you feel somewhat incapacitated, as if you were suddenly missing three limbs, those around you probably feel sort of the same way. Further comfort may be had in this little secret: even if everyone else on the planet was up on you by one limb, I believe you'd still kick some serious ass. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Hey, Jarhead. I mean this in a more literal than military way. This week, you may feel like you've got a jar over your head. Your vision may be slightly distorted. Everything you hear could sound distant and unreal. Worst of all, your own words might echo in your ears and hardly be heard by the outside world at all. The good news: this sensation shouldn't last longer than a week. The better news: Everyone perceives the world and interacts with it through their own filters. These are some of yours. After this week, you ought to see the world more clearly, really hear what people are saying and make yourself heard in a way you've practically never experienced before. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb.18) I've never really tried to read a romance novel, but I have noted their resemblance to porn (or erotica, as it's usually called in written form). The primary difference seems to lie in the ratio of sex scenes to non-sex scenes. In the reading of either, however, most people seem to live for the raunch and barely wade through the rest. This week could read like a romance novel, with long gaps between the good stuff (I'm not necessarily talking about sex now), or it could be more like those no-illusions porn books, where they don't waste your time with lots of bullshit. The choice is yours. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) You big goof. Because of your excess of charm, your social ineptitude doesn't usually show. But when you blunder?and blunder you have?it's sometimes puzzling to you. "Like, what happened?" Fixing it is even more of a mystery. Movie cliche reconciliations won't work?maybe a Leo could pull off the moonlight serenade with roses, but not you. So what to do? It's so easy: be yourself. Don't hesitate when it comes to being real. Bumble around, admit your confusion and face the music. It's more likely to be a love song than a dirge, if you follow my advice. Aries (March 21-April 19) All your big plans may just boil down to nothing. In fact, the more you put into them this week, the more frivolous they'll seem in the long run?something akin to traveling to the southern hemisphere to watch water spiral the other way down the drain. I don't want your reaction to be, "Huh. So what's the big deal?" because then you'd kick yourself for wasting so much time on them. Instead, let them sit for a week. If they're truly worthwhile, they'll still compel you next week. Then you'll be boxing kangaroos and silly, inconsequential details like water dynamics will barely scratch your notice.