This Week's Horoscope

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

I'm not a rock star, but I play one in real life. I get asked if I'm a musician often enough to know I'm doing something right (when I still had dreadlocks, even more so). Why do I dig that so many people are incorrectly guessing my profession? Because I feel like a rock star, in all the best ways: I get to live my life mostly as I please, associate with amazing people (famous and infamous) and have adventures in exotic places, without the inconvenience of actual fame. The lesson here is simple?it doesn't matter what you actually do?you could write a dorky little astrology column, even?what matters is how you do it. Live like the person you want to be?you're halfway there already, anyway. The rest is just attitude.

Oh, jeez. Another weekly horoscope? I mean, how tired. Isn't this genre exhausted yet? Not really. I think of weekly horoscopes as the music videos of creative writing. Although they have fundamental differences, they're similar in a few key ways: they're both short, self-sufficient and possessed of few (if any) creative limitations. You could even make a video about making a video, or write a horoscope examining its own genre. Like me, you could spend hours probing irrelevancies, pondering inconsequentialities and basically chasing your own tail?but don't. Ignore the useless mental gymnastics this week, and focus on things that are real.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

It's a great week to blast the heat, and invite all your friends (and your friends' friends and your friends' friends' friends) over for an underwear party. Ask your guests to shed clothing (and egos) and booze it up at your place. Remove outfits, and useless attitudes and connection-blocking pretensions are likely to go with. It's hard to act snooty while standing around the kitchen in bra and boxers. Most people would rather just relax and get into it. Whether you follow my specific suggestion or not, make it your goal this week to help people lose their shirts. They'll thank you for it later.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Humans practice biomimicry when we copy another creature's adaptations for our own purposes. For instance, the inventors of Velcro imitated the cocklebur's hooked barbs. I'd like to coin a new term: astromimicry. That's when one sign adopts traits usually attributed to another sign. Just imagine what you could accomplish if you decided to wear the patience of a Taurus, the sensitivity of a Pisces or the wise pragmatism of a Virgo. Lately, you've let yourself feel too restricted by the fact that you're an Aries. Astrology should never limit you, only empower you. For instance, because you're an Aries you know you can shine and be bold and outrageous, but you shouldn't feel obligated to. Use what works. If being a wallflower will help you get what you want this week, by all means?blend in.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

During my late-night adventures in Manhattan's East Village and Brooklyn's hipster neighborhood, Williamsburg, I've re-adopted an old, semiforgotten strategy: Under the heading of Life is Short, I'm talking to everyone who approaches me (instead of just the ones I'm interested in) and at least saying hello to anyone I feel drawn to. It's about letting the universe unfold as it wishes, without resistance from me, and giving it openings to bring new things or people into my life. There are times to dig in your heels to prevent a full-on tumble down a slippery slope, but this ain't one of them. Life wants to teach you some lessons (perhaps pleasurable ones), and it will, one way or another. Why not just let it, already?

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Give yourself a new nickname. Don't share it with anyone, though; it'd be counterproductive to insist that your friends start calling you Eagle Eye or Stinger. But giving yourself a secret name to grow into could wreak a powerful change of attitude, one that you desperately need. Secretly rename yourself with a moniker that embodies the kind of special powers you've been craving. There's energy in a name, as I'm sure you'll discover. Your covert power ID will get things inside you moving. Even if it just gets you chuckling at your own goofy ambition, there are worse things than learning how to better laugh at yourself.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Don't gild the lily. In case you're not familiar with that lovely phrase, it refers to unnecessarily adding ornamentation to something that's already beautiful. To do so actually insults and detracts from the beauty that's already there. True artistry is sometimes about knowing when to stop, when enough is enough. Unfortunately, the lily you're almost guilty of gilding is a person, in this case, one who might actually be upset by your actions, which could be perceived as compensation for a flaw?in them. Bad idea. If you find someone beautiful, let him know, and leave it at that.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

There are a few lazy Leos who'd buy an electronic device or take a pill if it could instantly get their bodies in superb shape, but even if such a thing were possible, I'd advise against it. Yeah, you could use a little tummy-flattening, but so what? (Most Leo-lovers don't mind love handles.) It's your attitude that needs a good workout. The thing about getting all pumped up and in shape?it takes pain, some sacrifice and definitely discipline, and you've let those aspects of yourself get more than flabby. Even if you don't hit the sports club this winter, do visit the mental gym. Give your soul a good workout, so it at least comes close to deserving the hype your ego serves up for it.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

I know what you're thinking, and it's not, "What a great time to stock up on Christmas supplies!" Although all that Santafied merchandise is for sale at absurd markdowns, you thankfully have more on your mind than bare bones practicality, like upping the stakes in your current romance. Although red tablecloths and tinsel might be lovely in a Valentine's Day cheesy sort of way, you know the answer lies beyond that dutiful pragmatism you're famous for. Lavishness is in order this week, and that means splurging beyond the closeout sale of holiday merchandise. Actually impress the person you're supposedly trying to impress, and you'll be blown away by the results your extra investment gets you.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

This week you might be tempted to set up an art gallery displaying every tool you have in your basement workroom or kitchen junk drawer. Why would you feel compelled to place screwdrivers and Allen wrenches on pedestals? Because seeing beauty in function is your specialty this week. Pure estheticism is not for you right now: a sturdy pair of scissors, a warm knit cap, a cast iron frying pan?that's where it's at for you, beauty-wise. This week, throw out the things in your life that are merely pretty but basically useless, be they clothing, kitsch or (somehow attractive) leeches in human form.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

It's time to go undercover, as a Gemini, maybe, or an Aries. The government is siccing its antitrust watchdogs on you, to break the stranglehold you have on the intensity market, and disrupt your monopoly in sexual daredevilism. Go secret agent and move your operation underground. For now at least, your sexcapades should be strictly covert operations. If you manage to keep your exploits hidden you might avoid house arrest or, worse, having some Holier-Than-Thou-er looking over your shoulder and cramping your style, which is the last thing you or I or any Scorpio-lover would want.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

By 1992, we'd already had a taste of the flavor that would suffuse the rest of that decade. Many of those who were paying close attention back then had quite a bit more money by the end of the 20th century. It may still be too soon to really get a good idea of what the first decade of the new millennium is all about, but I contend that if you keep your ear to the ground this year, you in particular stand to gain a lot in the eight years to follow.

[Caeriel@yahoo.com](mailto:caeriel@yahoo.com)