This Week's Horoscope

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Chinese zoos have decided to give Viagra to endangered male South China tigers (there are 49 in captivity and less than three dozen in the wild) to encourage them to mate. They're also considering the same technique for giant pandas, who rarely get randy in captivity. Propping up the sagging libidos of depressed endangered species with a drug is perhaps not the best strategy (a little too ends-justify-the-means for me), but it just might work. The tactic you're contemplating now is uncomfortably similar: a quick fix for a problem you regard as simply too big to tackle any other way. It's not, but go ahead with your quick fix. Just consider that, like the tiger problem, the real solution is simple (if not easy)?give your wild beasts enough room to move and thrive and they will.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You're familiar with practicing scenarios ahead of time; I've caught you rehearsing important conversations more than once. Although you've managed to eke out some impressive achievements with this technique, I've finally pinpointed the source of what's holding you back some of the time: You don't always believe in the imaginary victories you rehearse, probably because your grand vision is just a mite too outrageous to be even marginally reasonable. Inject a tiny dose of reality into your visions (like only one or two home runs with the bases loaded, instead of seven) and they're much more likely to actually become reality.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Homeopathic medicine treats illness by giving people extraordinarily minute bits of something that would cause the patient's symptoms if given in larger amounts. Taking purified, diluted doses triggers the body to heal itself. Another beauty of homeopathy is that it's relatively cheap and completely free of side effects. I believe it works on other levels besides the physical, too. For instance, if Prozac isn't helping the emotional black plague you've been experiencing and threatening to spread, try conquering it by giving yourself tiny, harmless doses of whatever's bothering you. Teach your heart to get over it, already.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

To protest the monarchy, four Swedish teenagers threw a strawberry cream cake in the face of King Carl Gustaf, hooting, "For King and Fatherland!" as they did so. You, too, might consider this kind of essentially harmless yet powerfully symbolic protest against the authority figures you find oppressive. Like the boys, you could be punished (they were charged with high treason and ordered to pay fines of up to $370), but don't let that deter you; the slap on the wrist will hardly detract or distract from the glow of satisfaction you'll bask in for days, maybe weeks, maybe every time you eat strawberry cream cake for the rest of your life.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

I know you hate math. Sometimes, however, it's just unavoidable. You'll find that once you stop resisting it, your ratio of effort to result will increase dramatically, so that if e is effort and r is result, r=3e. Not only that, but your effectiveness, here represented by E, will increase exponentially, so that suddenly, the new you, the one who'll be more than prepared for the new year, will be wielding at least 3rE cubed. Of course, I don't actually expect stubborn old you to embrace the newness that will improve your life, even though it's much easier than my primitive recollections of grade-school algebra. Some people would prefer to do things the ineffective old way rather than try something that might work better. I was just hoping you weren't one of them.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Before you dig into your post-holiday feast of that triple-decker leftover sandwich, check the scale. Not the one in your bathroom; you're notoriously able to stay thin despite incredible calorie consumption. Instead, get speeritchull: How do you weigh in karmically? Did you give more than you got this holiday season? Did you fatten up those around you with more love than you could ever digest? Not that you need to be cheesy?although Christmas ham is better with cheddar?but at the very least, share your sandwich with someone who deserves it, or better yet, make them one, too.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

It takes some serious charisma to make a unibrow, hairpiece or prickly back hair work for you. It's not impossible, although you'd think it was, judging by the way you've complained about something as relatively minor as the follicles on your knuckles or your slightly receding hairline. Even if you haven't been specifically bitching about having too much or too little hair, what you have been griping about has been similarly trivial. All I'm saying is, if you must pay so much attention to something so minor, at least saddle it up and ride it; look to fellow Cancerian Frida Kahlo for inspiration.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

It's Capricorn birthday season. Spoil your Goat friends silly; you have more in common than you think. The potential for harmonious collusion and collaboration (once basic differences of vibe and motivation are settled) is vast, all the more so when they're aware of just how much you value them. How to show them can be a stumper, though; they're not as receptive to insincere flattery as some Leos we know. But honest, heartfelt compliments will often do the trick?and you may find that once you start on your list of things you truly admire about them, it might be hard to stop.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

J.K. Rowling is publishing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in Greek and Latin to revive those dying languages. I doubt more than a handful of Hogwarts devotees will actually start taking Latin courses just so they can reread the book in a classic language, but it seems worth a try. Your chosen task is almost as monumental as getting fourth-graders to study an ancient tongue with few practical applications. That's why you shouldn't get too stuck on it. Do what you can, then let it go and see what happens.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Spider silk is five times as strong as steel and much lighter. That's why Nexia, a biotech company in Montreal, has transplanted the golden orb-weaving spider's gene for dragline silk into a bunch of Nigerian goats whose milk can now be refined to produce silk protein the company calls Biosteel. Regardless of your feelings about transplanting genes between species, mimicking Nexia's creative example might save you some trouble. You've got many resourceful friends. Although you might want to stop short of actually giving them arachnid genes, arm them with some new tools and they just might solve some of your problems for you.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Starhawk, perhaps one of the most preeminent witches of our time, defines magic as "the art of changing consciousness at will." When you look at it this way, the concept looks less like a circus of incense-burning and ancient-language-chanting and more like a useful skill. Creating a ritual to perform magic (change yours or someone else's consciousness) is still possible, but she recommends using words, tools, images and actions that are actually meaningful to you, instead of being caught up in technicalities like learning Sumerian. For instance, instead of wielding a traditional athame, a specialized ritual knife, she uses a ballpoint pen, since as a writer she feels it's more meaningful to her than any silver dagger. Whether you're doing a ritual or just your job, make sure the tools you use fit your standards of meaning and purpose, not necessarily anyone else's.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

It's not easy being the star, especially once you're not, like the day after closing night. The curtain has dropped, you've taken your last bows, already begun to forget the lines you slaved over for months. The cast party was hilarious, but now it's over, and you're faced with the uncertain future of not knowing exactly what you're up to for a while. It's okay; once you get used to not holding the attention of quite so many people, you'll be glad to rediscover the freedom of anonymity. The irony is, the things you'll do once no one's paying attention are much more dramatic and star-worthy than the things you did to get all that attention in the first place.