Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) It's tortuous to back down from a fight. Especially when you know you're right. Especially when the other guy is clucking and flapping his elbows provocatively. Resist the taunts. The reason your mocker is so confident might be related to the poison on the edge of his bladed tongue. Now that you know it's not a fair fight, you might feel better walking away from it. And if you decide you must engage, win. Fuck the cheater up. Do it for me.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) I'm suffering jet lag, and I didn't even fly. Three of my East Coast friends are visiting my house here in California. Somehow, they brought their goddamn time zone with them, and I've found myself going to bed and waking up three hours earlier. Currently, the folks you're in negotiation with may profess to be meeting you on your own ground, but their actual intent is to magically transport you to their own twisted territory. Curiouser and curiouser. Call them on it. At least you might be able to meet halfway, like in the Midwest somewhere.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) You've heard the adage: You can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. I've got a similar one for you: You can kill more slugs with a plate of flat beer than a dozen pair of murderous bare hands. Plucking and crushing the slimy things may yield some bizarre pleasure, in the same realm as popping zits or burping babies. But it can never be as effective as giving your unwary victims a little too much of exactly what they want?enough for them to drown in, anyway.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Your internal temperature's been rising. You know those issues that have been boiling your blood for way too long? It's a good time to address the ones you've been putting off dealing with. You're equipped with a brand new emotional air conditioner this week. You don't have much time. Your money-back guarantee is good only for a short time, and since you can't afford to pay the bill and actually buy one, you'll have to return it soon. So get to work, while you're cool. No sweat.
Aries (March 21-April 19) Wear big, thick, fuzzy sweaters. Earmuffs, even. Admit that you like the way those extra 10 pounds make you eminently huggable. Soft mittens and fluffy slippers could be a good addition to your wardrobe. Basically, any way you can increase your general cuddliness would be a good thing. Sometimes you want and need your space. But people will want to hug you this week. And you'll want to be squeezed, fortunately. Anything you can do to facilitate this wondrously mutual activity would be most appreciated by all concerned.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) I used to carry heavy-duty poultry scissors in my glove compartment. Whenever I saw avian road kill, I'd pull over and cut off its wings. I had owl, sparrow, crow and blue jay wings strewn about my room, once upon a time. I was inspired by a deliciously perverse friend of mine who dabbled in taxidermy back in high school. She explained that the wings don't have enough fleshy tissue to actually rot. Eventually, I realized that all these dead-bird parts weren't doing much for me, sort of like the small collection you've recently acquired. It can't fulfill you any more than my disembodied wing feathers could help me take flight. Buy a plane already, or whatever works to satisfy your particular desire.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Some days, I mix chocolate chips in my breakfast cereal. I know it's a little gross and unhealthy, but it's my overly sweet version of having a cup of joe. The bitter liquid can make me feel edgy and jittery; the sweet morsels never do. I'm not a big fan of rules in my life. It's taken me almost 10 years out of my parents' house to unlearn most of the ridiculous rules and limits that I had to endure there. Now, if I want to eat dessert first, I do so. I'm willing to bear the consequences of my "irresponsibility." I just want to tell you that I'm glad you've taken responsibility for your actions. You've owned them. But you've been so busy bearing consequences that you've forgotten to have the fun that makes those things tolerable. My prescription: chocolate cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Ouch?your internal contrasts might seem slightly painful at this point. For instance, you may feel like dancing, but the concrete blocks on your feet are just not cooperating. This full moon, you might realize that all that security you've been craving, striving for and acquiring is actually stifling some of the things you want to do. For instance, getting tucked tightly into bed beneath pounds of blankets might feel cozy and wonderfully secure at first, but it sure limits your choice of sexual positions?and these are options you'd be well advised to leave open.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) The winning coach often gets a cooler full of ice water dumped over his head?by his own team. In a similar fashion, the dousing blast of chill you may be deluged with this week is not intended to actually extinguish your internal flame. You're supposed to grin through the freezing flow. Just like those comedic roasts where friends take turns ridiculing someone they dearly love. Stoke up your flames this week, so they're not put out by people celebrating their warmth.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Sometimes you go through these perplexing shifts of perspective. It's a side effect of having a changeable planet like Mercury as your ruler. It's not quite fickleness so much as hyper-dynamism. For instance, you might declare: "I'm saving myself (whatever's left) for when I'm married!" But before the echo of your proclamation has even faded from the farthest corners of the house, you'll be screwing your brains out in the broom closet. I see this kind of thing all the time, and I don't mind, except for one thing: it fucks with your credibility. I'm not saying limit the internal flexibility that makes you so interesting, complicated and exciting to be around?but do consider keeping some of those decisions or resolutions to yourself until you're sure they'll still be true tomorrow.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) You've got one can of spinach left, Popeye. Better make it count. Not to mention that this particular batch of greens has got an imminent expiration date. So deliver your knockout punch early and effectively. Otherwise, we could be in for a long, exhausting bout of half-hearted, delirious blows, with no one getting the upper hand for hours. You're too evenly matched without your secret green weapon. Don't let this become a grueling test of endurance. Swing high while those muscles are bulging. Olive Oyl's watching, and if you can't impress her, I can't help but doubt your ability to impress anyone.
[Caeriel@yahoo.com](mailto:caeriel@yahoo.com)