Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Trashy is good. It's honest, and real?and fun, sometimes. Don't be afraid to temporarily dip into the depths to get your needs taken care of. Just be careful of how low you go. Wearing a tanktop saying "I'm horny and available" might not get you as many results as something only a shade classier, like, "Je suis libre ce soir." Why the cringe? It's true, isn't it? So own that you're a little less fulfilled than you were implying before. It won't make people like you less, I promise?in all likelihood, they'll like you more, a lot more.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) I'd never date a cop. I'm simply not attracted to the type of person who craves wielding that type of authority. That's not to say that I don't appreciate some of the things police officers do, or their integral part in the maintenance of our society. You have a similar, extremely personal, resistance to all things that smack of rules and authority. I respect that opinion; it's your right. But don't let your oh-so-personal feelings cloud your judgment?especially when you need to ask one of these disfavored authority figures for help, or advice.
Aries (March 21-April 19) What's all this talk about your creativity? I know it's fun to tell people what you're up to (or what you're supposed to be up to) but, to be absolutely frank, lately you've been doing a lot more telling than doing. I know, it's so fucking hard; talking about it is way more glamorous than actually getting down to it. The people I've seen truly creating haven't looked fabulous while in the process. Most of the time they're absently staring off into space, usually chewing on things, like ice, pens and rawhide. Other symptoms: forgetting to comb, shave or change clothes. Spend this week doing whatever it is you've been blabbing about doing. There'll be time enough to talk about it later?when it's done.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) Let me disabuse you of a long-standing pop-psychology notion: If you feel beautiful, you will be beautiful. Wrong. False. While I will concede that feeling good about yourself will boost your attractiveness, I contend that it will not make you beautiful by itself. Confidence is sexy; however, it's no replacement for actual good looks and style. You know what I'm talking about: Redneck JoeBob feels like he's hot shit in his Don Johnson jacket and mullet hairdo?but it does not make him beautiful, at least in your eyes. Okay, so I've partially deflated a popular illusion. It shouldn't totally ruin it for you, though, especially since I still stand firmly by this statement: If you feel ugly, you will be.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Every celebrity had to pull down his own pants and take a crap this morning, just like you. Probably every one had to worry about who her friends are, cope with loneliness or try not to be too down on himself. See what I'm getting at here? Our media tries to present these people as somehow superior, puts them on a pedestal?just as you're doing to someone you know. Don't worship, nor expect to be worshipped. This week, instead of playing any silly games or pulling any power plays, simply strive for mutual respect. It's yours if you open the door to it.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) I get pleasantly frazzled when I'm in the midst of several creative projects. The main dangers are either getting too caught up in one and neglecting the others, or switching too quickly among all of them, without ever delving deeply into any one. Likewise, it's endearing and amusing to see you chasing your moods, especially since you've learned to celebrate them instead of resent them. This week, strive for the balance I mentioned: without getting stuck on any single emotion (no matter how appealing or compelling), avoid switching so quickly among them that you really don't have time to feel anything at all.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) My cynicism peaks every January. For a month or two at this time of year, I can't help but see the world in bleak shades of gray. I'm not complaining, though?although it's hardly pleasant to endure these forced marches through the darker sides of life, I'm glad to let my pessimism see the cold light of day. That's better than letting it build up to unstoppable levels, like I fear you might, with your impressive but slightly hollow optimism. Better to let it out once in a while, don't you think?before you start spitting on babies and kicking old ladies.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) I can always tell when the moon's in Virgo; I have an almost uncontrollable urge to organize my life. Suddenly, I'm compulsively making lists, tidying and crafting intricate schedules that plot my days to the minute. Of course, the other 11/12ths of the month I scoff at these pathetic efforts to inject a little order into the chaotic mess that is my life. However, if I can be made to tame the pandemonium of my inner turmoil for even part of the time, surely you can release some of the neuroses that compel you every once in a while. This week, try that, at least a little.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Why obsess about being cool? Is it a charm against age, or do you crave the ego boost of being "it"? Over the past few months, I've been trying to impart the idea that coolness, especially once you're out of high school, is about more than trendy clothes or that new tattoo. It's slightly more than skin-deep, believe it or not. There are people who've managed to maintain relatively high hipness levels deep into their old age, but they're the exception. Most people can't stay on top of it past their 20s or 30s. Eventually, you're going to have to let it go. That's the bad news. The ironic good news: once you do, you'll not only enjoy your life a lot more, you'll be a lot cooler, too.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) It's not that you lack rationality. It's not as if you don't have a brilliant mind lurking behind all that self-absorption and egotism. It's just that in a drunken fistfight between reason and passion, your emotions usually win. This can be a tremendous source of consternation to your more controlled (notice, I won't say emotionless) friends, especially those Capricorns and Aquarians. They're not alone?you're frustrated, too, when you find yourself flailing in a sea of emotions and emoting ridiculous histrionics. Don't drown, little kitten. Let those levelheaded people throw you a lifeline this week. Logic and perspective can inflate to a remarkably stable life raft, if you let them.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Wearing a bridal gown, a cowboy hat or an electric guitar around town will not make you a newlywed, a steer-roper or a rock star. I don't mean to insult your intelligence by stating the obvious, but you leave me no choice. The big changes you're proposing won't be manifested by those superficial alterations to your schedule, your look or your attitude. Maybe this is a sign? You know the saying: If it ain't broke... Whatever. I'm not here to say whether or not you need to change, only: if you're going to go there, really go there. Commit, dammit.
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