TOC/MAIL 38 THIS WEEK: John O'Hara gets his due, the ...

THIS WEEK: John O'Hara gets his due, the Guantanamo on the Hudson debate continues, a Jenna Bush enthusiast remembers Austin and a food writer gets slapped on the grill. PLUS: Tina Brown-menopausal?

JOHN JONES, MET

Thank you, Armond White, for mentioning John O'Hara's classic story Bread Alone in your review of Mr. 3000 (9/15). This great writer is so overlooked, even in contexts where a citation should be obligatory, that it is refreshing to see him evoked out of the blue. Of course, any review that couples the acting theory of Robert Bresson with the thespian achievements of a tv personality-a feat worthy of metaphysical poetry-is entitled to quote Lionel Trilling or O'Hara.

This outstanding piece by Mr. White, so redolent of the Columbia University General Studies program, strikes an unwitting blow for literacy. It only remains to remind everyone that 2005 marks John O'Hara's centennial year, time to plunge once again into Appointment in Samarra, Butterfield 8, Pal Joey and yes, Bread Alone.

Richard Rabicoff, Baltimore, MD

2600 REASONS TO HATE US

It's quite dismaying to see how you belittle the misfortune of the people who were sent to Pier 57 during the RNC ("Guantanamo on the Hudson Reconsidered," 9/8). But by mocking detainee complaints about filthy conditions and lack of edible food throughout the 12-plus hours many of them were imprisoned there, you come off as callous and uninformed. People developed rashes. Others had breathing problems. Some grew faint from the lack of food. These things really happened. Ask the medics and legal observers who met with people after they were released. Obviously, not everyone had the same reaction. But by focusing only on the people you believe were exaggerating, you miss the bigger point-the injustice of the entire operation.

I was one of the unlucky 1821 to be arrested that week. I wasn't a demonstrator. I was covering the news for WBAI and IndyMedia. There were many others like me who were not at all involved in the events but were swept up in a massive police raid, the likes of which this city has never seen. Which is more newsworthy: the incredible and flagrant violation of the rights of so many people, or the fact that some of the demonstrators are pampered brats?

You express your wish that protestors who are quoted in the press not say stupid or hypocritical things. But did you ever consider why the mainstream press takes such a delight in printing these quotes? In any crowd you can find people who will say the wrong thing or who will look like idiots. Use these as the representatives and you can make everyone involved look bad. And by continuing to focus on them, because they were quoted in the Daily News, of all places, you're actually doing the exact same thing.

I was locked up for nearly 36 hours with these people, most of it in that far grimmer place known as the Tombs. The courage and strength they showed in this uncertain and frightening experience was simply astounding to me. Total strangers cared for one another and looked after those who were in far worse shape, because the police certainly weren't doing it. Throughout it all they maintained a sense of humor and gave each other strength. Think of those people when you write your next editorial, instead of the one idiot who calls it a Nazi concentration camp-and then ask why something like this had to happen to them.

Eric Corley, aka Emmanuel Goldstein, Manhattan

WALKING THE TALK

Regarding "Guantanamo on the Hudson Reconsidered," shame on you (Page Two, 9/8). I'm no "spoiled brat." I'm a seasoned protestor who has taken the time to educate herself regarding the law and civil disobedience, and as such, I find your blanket dismissal of those of us held at Pier 57 offensive and sad. I was there, and I was uniformly impressed with the intelligence, demeanor and bravery of those with whom I was detained-a great many of them, including me, long past spoiled-brat age.

What you should be most ashamed of is that you make your claims without having been anywhere near the place, and even more, that you "stopped joining mass street protests a long time ago" based on what-the company? Your complacency is appalling, and that you choose to sit on your behinds editorializing-and worse, generalizing-about those of us who continue to work hard and take risks for social change makes you the spoiled brats, no question about it.

It's attitudes like yours that lead our government to be as confident as it is in its ability to erode our First Amendment rights. When I see you out in the streets again like responsible, thinking citizens who are above high-school level "discussion," maybe I'll listen to what you have to say about current events. In the meantime, you only demonstrate that "those who can't do criticize," and that you prefer to discriminate from your desks rather than stand up and make a difference. Pathetic.

Sarah Grisham, Manhattan

KAPLAN'S PEP COURSE

I liked Russ Smith's piece on baseball and politics. As he perfectly noted amid all this silliness, the Yankees and swaggering aren't exactly synonymous.

Smith might be interested to know that both Bush and Kerry, when asked their favorite philosopher, named Yogi Berra. Shameless populist ploy? Probably. But then, the 2000 election was in many quarters known as the Yogi Berra ("It ain't over till it's over") election.

Dave Kaplan, Director of Education and Programs, Yogi Berra Museum & Learning Center, Little Falls, NJ

IMAGINE CLARK GABLE MEETS JUDE LAW

Hey Russ Smith, while I share your low estimate of the Bronx Bumblers (and their pitching rotation of the week), one sore-thumb aspect of your column can't be ignored ("Media's Shut Out," 9/15). If you're going to take pot shots at the physical appearances of Tina Brown, Maureen Dowd and Bob Shrum, it's only fair game for you to put your undoubtedly Adonis-like mug on your column, so we can hold you to your own standards of physical perfection. After all, to have such a keen sense of beauty, you can hardly be a "middle-aged... Saville Row-suited... Hollywood hag" but surely someone whose manifestation is so dazzling that Narcissus himself (or at least A-Rod) would hang his head in shame.

On second thought, better not. We ordinary folk couldn't handle all that god-like raiment and splendor.

David McKee, Las Vegas

Russ Smith replies: Calling Tina Brown "middle-aged"-which this writer is as well, as noted many times in my column-isn't a "pot shot," but rather a fact. That Bob Shrum wears Saville Row suits is also a fact, one that's pertinent only in that it contrasts with the populist message his candidates, like the downtrodden John Kerry, espouse. As for Maureen Dowd being a "Hollywood hag," I plead guilty to the snipe. Yet if that's the worst jibe Dowd has to endure for her atrocious column, she's pretty darn lucky.

JENNA ZAITCHIK NEVER TO BE

Alexander Zaitchik might have missed his chance to nail Jenna Bush in Prague, but he sure nailed the Bush twins good in "I Dream of Jenna" (9/8). Jenna and Barbara's embarrassing stint at the RNC was the lamest attempt at televised stand-up comedy since the night Katie Couric subbed for Jay Leno.

By the way, I couldn't help noticing that one of the letters in "The Mail" this week (9/8) is headed "A Crock O' Shit, Now"-the same title as MAD magazine's 1979 parody of the film Apocalypse Now (except that MAD replaced the last three letters of the word "shit" with symbols). Coincidence? Or is someone on your staff a MAD reader from way back?

Name Withheld, Manhattan

CREAM WITH YOUR COFFEE, MS. BUSH?

Thanks, Alexander Zaitchik, for "I Dream of Jenna" (9/8). I'm glad I'm not the only one with Jenna Bush fantasies.

I used to work at a high-end coffee shop and bakery in Austin. Last spring, my co-workers told me that Jenna Bush would come in every four months or so, but I had yet to have my very own Bush sighting. The favorite game amongst employees when Jenna would duck in for some cheesecake and a mocha was to try and pick out the secret service agents. They'd always look the same: crisp orange University of Texas t-shirt, sunglasses, absurd muscles in all the wrong places and a local newspaper folded in two. They'd sit near the entrance, alone, and generally scare the shit out of everyone who walked by them.

One day, a muscular man smelling like new t-shirt came up and bought a bottled water (they always do, I was told). The only thing that kept me from crowning him the King of Obvious was the fact that any minute Jenna Bush could walk in, and I wanted to be ready, and by "ready" I mean seductive.

After the agent left, I immediately slipped into a fantasy not dissimilar to Alexander Zaitchik's. Jenna Bush and her entourage walked through the front doors and past her security. She stood there in front of me, and like Zaitchik, I too wanted to change something; I wanted to assert my presence upon the world. I wanted to make history, become a legend, and other versions of pathetic, self-congratulatory and banal cockpetting that men like me pursue in order to avoid confronting our perpetual failures: our entire lives.

I walked around the counter and punched her in the face.

"What kind of cheesecake is that?" she asked me. I snapped out of my daydream and started laughing because there she was, right there, and I really could punch her. Fuck it, I thought, maybe I will. Maybe I did.

Thank you, Alexander, for the reassurance. I'll see you in jail.

David Meiklejohn, Hoboken

OINK. OINK.

Alexander Zaitchik's smear piece, "I Dream of Jenna," was offensive and degrading to women (9/8). What was most offensive about the article? Was it the abortion cracks? Women who have had abortions were not laughing. Or was it the talk about Jenna Bush being videotaped with your "journalist" fucking her wearing a Bin Laden mask? What about the throwing around of phrases like WASP? Where is the reaction of outrage from the public?

Zaitchik and his New York Press article disgust me and should disgust everybody who reads it. But there is little reaction from the hypocritical residents of this city. There should be a protest in front of your offices. I can imagine the outrage if an article of this nature appeared in a conservative newspaper attacking Kerry's daughter. I see how it is. Vicious, hateful and threatening attacks are okay when it's an attack on Bush. Everything goes in New York City and in the liberal-controlled media as long as it goes against a Republican (or their children). Congratulations on exposing yourselves to be the very extremist pigs that you accuse the Republicans of being.

Brian Olson, Manhattan

ALL BROKEN UP

I really hope that the reference to "Czechoslovakia" in Alexander Zaitchik's article was a joke, and not proof that he did not even know where he was in 2002 ("I Dream of Jenna," 9/8).

Daniel Doèekal, Prague, Czech Republic

ON THE TRIAL TRAIL

Liam Scheff's "Orphans on Trial" was very interesting (7/14), and I very much appreciate your decision to publish this article. This is a shocking report, and everybody should learn about the dishonesty with regards to HIV tests and AIDS. I thank Liam Scheff most sincerely for all his hard work. This information needs to get out to the world.

Barbara Robinson, Broadstone, England

THE APOLOGY LINE

I couldn't help but respond to Judy McGuire's article, "The 'S' Word" (9/15). She argues, "Note the apology came only after she decided not to cooperate with prosecutors." I have a few questions for her: Do you apologize for a crime you are alleged to have committed while the case is still being deliberated? Isn't that an admission of guilt?

I believe Kobe Bryant chose to apologize after the fact, because it was only appropriate to do so. Take away the salacious details, and all you have is a classic case of "he said-she said." I don't think anyone facing a case of this magnitude would have handled it any differently.

Other than the two principal participants, no one else knows what happened in that motel room. While not excusing Bryant's moment of indiscretion, I am sure there are not a few bright-eyed, star-struck groupies who would pass on an opportunity to claim bragging rights.

On the whole, this case was a fishing expedition. Let's hope she is able to buy a few clean undies with her settlement from the civil case. Oh, and pay her shrink too.

Dan Edonyabo, Queens

MICHELANGELO'S IMPERSONAL AGENDA

You guys put out a truly great periodical. Thank god there are still journalists out there who are aggressively trying to get to the truth by exposing hypocrisy as well as inconsistencies and doublespeak amongst our political leaders.

Unfortunately in today's climate, the stage has been set that good journalism will always become targeted as "biased" if facts revealed are in any way disparaging to a particular candidate or party. Consequentially, too many journos are currently operating from a place of fear and serve only as a megaphone for those on whom they're reporting.

Michelangelo Signorile has written a very thought-provoking piece, which, though coming from a place of his own personal interest, does not laud a personal agenda ("Out in the Garden," 9/15). Through his efforts, he exposes another side to this heated debate, one that was very eye-opening to me.

Even though I am heterosexual (and I promise that wasn't thrown in there just to show my manliness; most gay men could kick my ass), I have long felt that denying civil rights goes against the very fabric of our country's ideology and have greatly feared the trend as many in power and among the general public are very much on a mission to deny such liberties. But, never in a million years would I have thought those very people who are spearheading this agenda could be gay themselves. That very fact, whether you're gay or not, should blow one's mind away.

Rafer Weigel, via email

WE LOVE TO THINK, TOO. NEAT!

I just read Matt Taibbi's "Che Go Home" (9/15). All I can say is, wow! Finally, something worth reading in the print media. I find Taibbi's comments refreshingly insightful and thought-provoking. I look forward to what he has to say next. This guy has really got me thinking, and I love to think. Keep up the good work.

Fran Robinson, via email