V-DAY SUCKS

Valentine's Day sucks. If you're with someone, you have to buy flowers that were picked and sorted by exploited workers in Colombia (Hail Mary!), get a box of overpriced chocolates and maybe even one of those hideous heart-shaped balloons that end up inside a sea mammal off the coast of Coney Island. If you're alone, it's even worse. You get to watch everyone else sniffing those flowers, stuffing their faces with the chocolate and releasing their eco-disaster balloons. 

For a taste of the way that this most asinine of holidays (a saint's feast day dedicated to carnal lust), we perused Craig's List, the Miss Lonelyhearts of the blogging set. "Are you a single rose on this Valentine's Day" was a pretty pathetic come-on, but it was positively cheery compared to this one: "Valentine's Day shouldn't be this sad." Where are the razor blades? At least "No Valentine's Day plans? Let's have sex" cuts to the chase.