Where's My Donkey Kong?

A Brooklyn man returning to his King's Point home on Sunday couldn't help but notice the unfamiliar SUV parked in his driveway. Suspecting that something unholy might be afoot, he took no chances and called the cops.

When they arrived a few minutes later, they found stupid (alleged) burglar Steven Thorne, 29, crouching behind the SUV in an effort to avoid detection. It didn't work. Searching the SUV, police reportedly found a treasure trove of goodies that didn't exactly belong to Thorne, including wallets, credit cards and keys. It seems he'd hit several other places before driving over to the King's Point home. As a result, he now faces seven counts of possession of stolen property.

An estranged Queens couple met at an LIC bar late Sunday night to calmly and quietly discuss the custody of their young daughter.

It seems the father, Boris Bunch, 28, had custody of the girl since the couple split up a year ago. But now the mother, 25 year-old Sulay Duque, was getting a little greedy visitation-wise, and wanted her daughter back for good.

After a few drinks the differences of opinion became more glaring, and the couple allegedly started swinging on each other. They were soon ousted from the bar and decided to return to Duque's Elmhurst apartment to talk things out like mature adults.

Since no mature adults were available to provide guidance, things got ugly again, and Duque's brother Juan-who was in the apartment at the time-grabbed a semi-automatic pistol and blew Bunch away. Then, just for good measure, he also shot two of Bunch's friends who'd come along to make sure things didn't get out of hand. Brother and sister ran outside, hopped in a car and began speeding away, but only got a few blocks.

It was later determined that the gun had belonged to one of the three victims, and that Mr. Duque was acting in self-defense. While he won't be charged with murder, he still faces a possible seven years in prison on weapons charges.

Omar Jawara probably won't get off so easily. The 27-year-old moved out of his girlfriend's place about a month ago, but when he finally got around to unpacking some boxes Wednesday night, he noticed that some of his videogames were missing.

This really cheesed him off-perhaps just a touch more than necessary-so he returned to the Bronx apartment armed with two knives and, later, a broken coffee cup. After a good deal of shouting and arm waving, he allegedly began punching his ex-girlfriend, 51-year-old Monica Minott, in the face. And when two of her ten children tried to intervene, he reportedly went after them with the coffee cup, slashing a 10-year-old girl and 12-year-old boy each across the face.

Big Mr. Tough Guy then ran away, but was arrested shortly thereafter. He now faces all kinds of charges.

Clearly Mr. Jawara is a man with problems, but he does have a bright future. It's reported that Sen. Clinton has approached him to pose as "Exhibit A" in her campaign to prove that videogames lead to violence in stupid people