Women Can't Resist A Man With A Garbage Truck

Suffer from a bit of a road-rage problem? Feelings of insecurity? Hate your neighbors? Hate everyone? Well, you're in luck! The city-always willing to take that extra step to keep drivers happy no matter what the cost to the rest of us-held a public auction last Wednesday during which they sold off old garbage trucks, street sweepers and other city vehicles.

If you felt cool and invincible behind the wheel of that massive and deadly Hummer or SUV, you ain't seen nothin' yet! Now you'll be able to crush pedestrians and bicyclists under your wheels the way you'd step on roaches in your kitchen! But why stop there? You think any other car on the road would dare challenge your garbage truck? Pshaw! And parking? Just think in terms of that old "800-pound gorilla" joke. Better still-just imagine how impressed and jealous your friends would be, if you had any!

Don't worry about all that gas, don't worry about the air, don't worry about a goddamn thing-just raise your hands and thank the city, for once again helping make life brighter for the ego-challenged and the desperate, and a little more dangerous for everyone else.