a few words about taking care

Been in the emergency room with a non-life threatening health disorder? Then you will love how TV reviewer Gary Susman compared it to television ER life and death dramas. “In real life, emergency rooms are places where you wait and wait and wait until your arm falls off.” Hee hee! But it’s not so funny when you’re waiting and waiting and waiting, especially if you don’t have an advocate accompanying you.

And to spike such a need that memorable pop song lyric should be changed to “People who HAVE people are the luckiest people in the world.” A general need, of course, but to stay in the ER setting, it sure helps to have a concerned person sharing the wait and eventually, the diagnosis/ treatment talk with the doctors. And we wish the doctors didn’t rush back to the computer-patient monitoring system.

Seems like too little medical “hands-on-care” even as more age 65 plus patients are more often alone in these settings. And this brings us to a growing social dilemma. My recent 12-hour ER visit noted those patients who “had people,” but more who did not. I was especially moved by a daughter-in law who sat by her mother-in-law’s gurney waiting hours for test results. But who will care for her or her husband in old age, because as she said, “We could not have children and did not adopt.”

Infinitely more can be said about these ER stays. And other hospital stays — but to stay with patients there who had no one along, brings up the subject of the Elder Orphans program. That really must get out there big time with so many people now without children to help in their elderhood. And a population aging. And it’s a Western world dilemma and I first learned about the Elder Orphans movement from the often inconsequential “As Times Goes By” blog.

I learned a foremost proponent of overcoming this critical and growing need is Dr. Maria T. Carney, chief of geriatric and palliative medicine at Northwell Health LIJ Health System. Carney has been in the forefront of what is now a Western world kind of tsunami, due to the last half century’s social trend of not having children, very small families and families spread around the globe. (My objection to migration and immigration is that elders are often left behind.)

Who will look out for them, or maybe you or me in our “disablement times?” Also having someone you love gives an incentive to live when health is giving out.

Carney is the leading expert on all this and her so desperately needed endeavor — a crusade, really, so needs to get out there. Why did it take me so long to learn about it, having been such a longtime advocate for close ongoing family, friend and neighbor connections? I’ve worked against age segregation in general which defeats or dilutes such help one another interdependence.

So do please look into Carney’s endeavors — push your elected officials, community, political, faith, health group leaders to do likewise. Overcome we must this go-it-alone society and make healthful interdependence not independence a primary goal.

Everyone learning basic care-giving skills is a must, as is learning communication skills so conflicts are worked out. Above all, care-giving must be most highly regarded, honored and even revered. And we must talk about it — talk about it — and act, act and act!