The neighbor next door Op-Ed

Love Thy Neighbor?

It’s said that you can’t choose your family, only friends. But what about picking neighbors?

The question of who lives next to you seems to have slipped through the donut hole and landed in a no man’s land of discarded humans who have given up the fight (or right) to get rid of beastly neighbors.

Apartment living is a dicey scale of ups and downs. What’s the most important decision to be made when selecting an apartment? Of course, it’s location, size of rooms, layout and affordability. How many of us check our neighbors as part of the package?

If possible, I’d like to interview the people living above me and next door. I would arrange a little soirée, send out invitations, titled “Getting to Know You.” The person invited should bring a personal resume citing their mental stability, prior arrests and all odds and ends of their lives. Watch for professional musicians who practice at home, toddlers who don’t sleep and parents who are walking zombies, people who don’t follow house rules and believe that leaving bikes, shoes, umbrellas outside the door is a territorial right (this is dangerous as it can lead to internal warfare).

One of the worst offenders are the hoarders. They are secretive , never open their door and if you ring the bell, a head pops out. They don’t want anyone to see inside. Should you catch a peek, you may regret it as a permanent nasal congestion (due to odor) could be your fate.

What is one to do? I love the apartment I’m investigating. But my fear of who lives to my right, left and above is casting a shadow . Can I take a chance that I will survive my neighbors? Is there any help for me? Anyone?