Is Saying “Hello” Harder Than Ever?

In everyday life, there are three ways to say “Hello:” a wave, a hand shake and a hug.

But in the post pandemic world, more Americans are working at home reducing time spent in an office environment. This means fewer chances to interact with each other in real life which means fewer opportunities to experience in-person meetings and greetings.

And in some instances, that is adding new stress to how Americans interact with one another on a friendly and professional basis.

Data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ American Time Use Survey from pre-pandemic levels in 2019 through 2022 revealed that the number of minutes Americans spend socializing and communicating did not rebound as the pandemic receded. A decade ago, in 2016, Americans spent 31.2 minutes each weekday socializing according to a Business Insider report. In 2019 before COVID, it was still 29.4 minutes each weekday spent socializing and communicating. By 2022, that number was down to only 25.2 minutes.

“A basic hello can feel like a high-stakes negotiation,” noted Jessica Goldberg a lecturer in the Columbia University School of Professional Studies, in a recent interview in Time.

Figuring out how to say hello, while it may be more complicated than ever, is actually not a new dilemma. Even the great telephone pioneers, Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell were sharply divided on the opening line to be used over what was at the time, cutting edge technology. The former, who patented the first phone, preferred a crisp Naval “Ahoy!” The latter, who improved the instrument, opted for “Hello!” Ultimately, Bell’s choice prevailed as the more popular opening with most users, but Edison stubbornly stuck to his salute to the end of his days.

Today, “Hello!” isn’t just a word, it’s also a physical gesture: A wave, a hand shake, or a hug. Each comes with its own terms and conditions governing which works when.

Start with the simple wave, a gesture, which energizes friends and calms casual acquaintances. It works well from across the room or— even in the right situation across a road—so it is perfectly acceptable at all stages of a relationship from stranger to best friend.

Second, if the other person’s hand is already extended to you, that means you’re in handshake territory, a closer and more intimate position. On the other hand, no pun intended, reaching out from several feet away makes the whole greeting public and occasionally awkward. Goldberg’s answer? Best wait until you’re four or five steps out to reach out yours.

Third on the list is personal contact. Another’s invite to indulge is signaled with arms wide open which in body language means, “Can I give you a hug?” Arm signals may also offer a chance to decline. Clearly, arms closed tight to hold a laptop or a drink say, “Not right now, thank you. One hand already extended to shake is a fairly easy one to figure out sign.

Given these clues, the most important rule is to match the greeting to the situation.

The first step is to estimate the warmth of the relationship. How close are you to the person you’re greeting? On a measure or one-to-10, best friend ranks at the top and back down to stranger at the bottom.

Next, figure in where you are. For example, at work, whether in an office or dining out at a restaurant for a work dinner, the watchword is caution. Translation: Avoid physical intimacy especially when power dynamics are in play because you are interacting with someone you outrank—or who outranks you.

When you’re suddenly surprised by someone running towards you with arms outstretched and an unwanted hug seems unavoidable, Time quotes North Carolina behavior expert Blanca Cobb: “Just think grandmother hug.” She defines that as leaning in from the hips, but keeping two feet between your bodies, touching only at the shoulder. Never mind if that seems dismissive because says, Cobb, you can always warm things up later, but you can’t un-hug someone.

Finally, there’s a completely counterintuitive possibility: Forget what the other person’s saying or doing and take ownership of the interaction and just do what you think will work. Believe it or not, the bottom line is that your human brain works are warp speed. In fact when requested, it answers questions so quickly that, as North Carolina body language expert Blanca Cobb told Time, a fast four seconds is plenty of time to read the person you’re approaching and then based on your reading to decide how you want to greet them. Wave. Handshake. Hug. Perfect.