If Only Taylor Swift Said, “I Don’t” to an Over the Top Wedding

I wanted the world-renowned singer to elope. No shower. No bachelorette. No rehearsal dinner. No destination nuptials. No post-wedding brunch.

By doing so, Taylor Swift could have single-handedly changed the wedding industry from its current over-the-top state to something that people and their bank accounts could live with.

Decades ago, a daughter getting married would provoke a dad to hold his head and wonder aloud, “How much is this setting me back?”

In recent years, though, mothers of the bride, guests, and most of all, bridal party members have not only echoed dads’ concerns but eclipsed them even more vocally.

Many an Instagram post made by 20/30-somethings goes something like: “Sure, I’d love to attend your wedding in Bali, your bachelorette in Hawaii, and purchase a shower gift from your Bergdorf Goodman registry. When you return from your honeymoon, I hope I can sleep on your sofa, as I will be destitute.”

As the mother of a potential bride, I’m already anticipating the big day with financial dread. Even though there’s no finance in the picture presently, it doesn’t stop discussions about dresses (the bride’s and bridesmaids’), the band v. DJ conundrum, and of course, the venue.

“This would be a really nice place to have my reception,” said my 28-year-old daughter Meg.

I looked around the airy Montauk restaurant we visited recently, ready to say we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves, when Neil, my husband of 38 years, jumped in in agreement.

The two of them began debating the hypothetical guest list.

I started to hyperventilate and interrupted their banter to announce Meg should consider City Hall. I doubled down by offering to give Meg the money that Neil and I would be laying out for the event so that she and her future husband could put a down payment on a house, furniture, or some other investment to keep money from becoming a bone of contention in the life of a young married couple. Given that the site Wedding Dive reported the average cost of a Manhattan wedding coming in at $68,000 (on the low end), I thought I was making a persuasive case.

Meg declined. And why shouldn’t she, when people like the Era’s Tour pop star perpetuate the money-suck disguised as a fairytale? My case in point: the castle that Taylor and Travis had installed in Madison Square Garden for their 1,000 guests.

I am staying the course on this one as long as I can because weddings and everything that goes with them are out of control. From now until Meg has a rock on her left ring finger, they are bound to get even more so.

Perhaps those who are engaged, or Meg, who will be taking notes for future reference, might consider that Taylor can claim any date she wants, anywhere she desires, and commandeer the NYPD (making our city less safe on July 4^th weekend), but mere mortals have no such luck. When all a couple wants to do is be married but have to adjust their timeline to a catering hall’s schedule, you’d think that would be enough for them to feel put off and consider other options—like a justice of the peace.

As plans progress, it will be like watching the National Debt Clock numbers tick higher: a photographer, flowers, and musical entertainment on average will run a bride who is not Taylor Swift about $2,200 per item, on top of the price of the hall, the church, the dress, the honeymoon, and wardrobe for the many wedding-related events.

While one is spending to have a Swiftesque special day, comes the sobering reality that Taylor most likely had much of her nuptials comped in exchange for publicity.

Like owning a yacht or a racehorse, weddings have become a rich person’s hobby.

Taylor really could have used her role model status to set an example as someone less interested in bells and whistles and more concerned about what it means to be a wife.

Lorraine Duffy Merkl is the author of the novel “The Last Single Woman in New York City.”